GettingAnswers
May 12, 2012, 09:38 PM
Hi guys,
I know there's many of this questions of this sort and this is my first time doing this, but I really feel like I need to tell someone and get some advise, I do have friends and my family is very supportive, it is just that I just broke up with my boyfriend today and we made it pretty clear that it is done, it's just that feeling of: if I tell someone close that knew him there's no turning back, like if we get back together it would be like we are just playing around I usually don't tell anyone when I have problems with my boyfriend I like to keep it to our self; wow... now that I'm typing this and reading it I see I care too much of what people would think.
Anyway the thing is I'm still unsure if I made the right call. We been together for 4 years and is a long distance relationship, I'm from Mexico (my main language is Spanish, we use to communicate with English) and his from US, just 2 hours apart. We had future plans... blahblahblah. When we first "meet"(via online) he was in the army, he seemed he was very stable, we had a great conversation, he knew what to do for his future, I like that at first.
He got injured and they sent him back to his house and didn't go back to the army, he got fat and kept saying he wanted to get in shape to get back to it, time pass at first everything was good we had the opportunity to get to know each other better, he came meet my parents and I meet his; I really enjoyed been with his family. I think you can already see what the problem is, he didn't do anything for himself, he started working out, but he wasn't constant, he started going to school, but he didn't really care for it since he always had(S) in mind of going back to the army.
What had been keeping me from leaving him is how he treats me, he was my best friend, he cook for me, he treated me like a princess, we have stuff in common, our personality work out, he is really smart and I'm not saying it because I love him, but his laziness was just killing it. I didn't mind at first paying for food or any entertainment, well sometimes he paid, from money his mom gave him; and I want to add that when it comes to special days like birthdays it's a struggle it's like oh I don't know if I'll have the money for a present and I've told him that it doesn't have to be much it could be a letter (wrote and turn in. He does type nice stuff online "sometimes") and I would appreciate it as much and even more that any other materialistic thing, but he won't do it he has just done it once in this 4 years; other thing is that it's not like I'm asking to always spend a lot of money I have told him that we can have fun spending really little or none I have ask him to go have a walk just in the beach since I love walking, or have a picnic in the park, just something to get out of the house, and he doesn't want to, he doesn't like walking and when I ask him and agrees to go he seems in freaking pain he doesn't enjoy it and wants to go back home after 5min of walking (he says it's pointless to walk if there's no destination or a objective of why we are doing it).
He lives with his parents and he is 23 now I'm 22. I really tried to push him to do stuff (getting a job, exercise or study) many times, he said I didn't trust him in doing it, then I let some time pass (around 2 weeks) to test if he did something and nothing happened, he kept saying that I don't give him enough time, that I have no patience and that I don't know how give him motivation to push him and do stuff, I really felt sad about it since I felt useless for him, well we kind of solve that I told: him that I'm not a babysitter or someone that is going to solve his life and that he shouldn't make me feel guilty of his situation, he apologize, etc, but I still have a feeling that he makes me guilty of his situation of not doing anything; since we live apart whenever he comes he stays around 1 to 2 weeks in my house and he says that whenever he wants to start getting in shape I ask him to come, I do recognize that I do ask him to come often, but it's just that I see him not doing anything anyway and I want him to come, we have discuss that and I told him "okay, how about you don't come and I just go visit you" we did that for 3-4 weeks and nothing changed.
I also want to add that sometimes we have problems on the communication, could be from our native language, I sometimes deliver stuff wrongly or understand words he tells me differently of what he means (he says I'm way to literal) and that really frustrate us; we had worked it out for the past years, but his already tired of it.
Back to the working problem I know he is capable of doing it, he is really smart and I really love him I really wanted to support him and try to make him work out, but I guess I wasn't strong enough to do it, I really got tired of waiting. When I re read this I can see everything points to just forget about him, but he is really a good man, he is good to his family, he doesn't do any kind of drugs, he is respectful, he has good moral basis, he presents me as his girlfriend proudly, he is loyal and he does show his love toward me and anyone that see him can see it. I would really appreciate some advice thank you in advance for taking your time to read this whole thing.
I know there's many of this questions of this sort and this is my first time doing this, but I really feel like I need to tell someone and get some advise, I do have friends and my family is very supportive, it is just that I just broke up with my boyfriend today and we made it pretty clear that it is done, it's just that feeling of: if I tell someone close that knew him there's no turning back, like if we get back together it would be like we are just playing around I usually don't tell anyone when I have problems with my boyfriend I like to keep it to our self; wow... now that I'm typing this and reading it I see I care too much of what people would think.
Anyway the thing is I'm still unsure if I made the right call. We been together for 4 years and is a long distance relationship, I'm from Mexico (my main language is Spanish, we use to communicate with English) and his from US, just 2 hours apart. We had future plans... blahblahblah. When we first "meet"(via online) he was in the army, he seemed he was very stable, we had a great conversation, he knew what to do for his future, I like that at first.
He got injured and they sent him back to his house and didn't go back to the army, he got fat and kept saying he wanted to get in shape to get back to it, time pass at first everything was good we had the opportunity to get to know each other better, he came meet my parents and I meet his; I really enjoyed been with his family. I think you can already see what the problem is, he didn't do anything for himself, he started working out, but he wasn't constant, he started going to school, but he didn't really care for it since he always had(S) in mind of going back to the army.
What had been keeping me from leaving him is how he treats me, he was my best friend, he cook for me, he treated me like a princess, we have stuff in common, our personality work out, he is really smart and I'm not saying it because I love him, but his laziness was just killing it. I didn't mind at first paying for food or any entertainment, well sometimes he paid, from money his mom gave him; and I want to add that when it comes to special days like birthdays it's a struggle it's like oh I don't know if I'll have the money for a present and I've told him that it doesn't have to be much it could be a letter (wrote and turn in. He does type nice stuff online "sometimes") and I would appreciate it as much and even more that any other materialistic thing, but he won't do it he has just done it once in this 4 years; other thing is that it's not like I'm asking to always spend a lot of money I have told him that we can have fun spending really little or none I have ask him to go have a walk just in the beach since I love walking, or have a picnic in the park, just something to get out of the house, and he doesn't want to, he doesn't like walking and when I ask him and agrees to go he seems in freaking pain he doesn't enjoy it and wants to go back home after 5min of walking (he says it's pointless to walk if there's no destination or a objective of why we are doing it).
He lives with his parents and he is 23 now I'm 22. I really tried to push him to do stuff (getting a job, exercise or study) many times, he said I didn't trust him in doing it, then I let some time pass (around 2 weeks) to test if he did something and nothing happened, he kept saying that I don't give him enough time, that I have no patience and that I don't know how give him motivation to push him and do stuff, I really felt sad about it since I felt useless for him, well we kind of solve that I told: him that I'm not a babysitter or someone that is going to solve his life and that he shouldn't make me feel guilty of his situation, he apologize, etc, but I still have a feeling that he makes me guilty of his situation of not doing anything; since we live apart whenever he comes he stays around 1 to 2 weeks in my house and he says that whenever he wants to start getting in shape I ask him to come, I do recognize that I do ask him to come often, but it's just that I see him not doing anything anyway and I want him to come, we have discuss that and I told him "okay, how about you don't come and I just go visit you" we did that for 3-4 weeks and nothing changed.
I also want to add that sometimes we have problems on the communication, could be from our native language, I sometimes deliver stuff wrongly or understand words he tells me differently of what he means (he says I'm way to literal) and that really frustrate us; we had worked it out for the past years, but his already tired of it.
Back to the working problem I know he is capable of doing it, he is really smart and I really love him I really wanted to support him and try to make him work out, but I guess I wasn't strong enough to do it, I really got tired of waiting. When I re read this I can see everything points to just forget about him, but he is really a good man, he is good to his family, he doesn't do any kind of drugs, he is respectful, he has good moral basis, he presents me as his girlfriend proudly, he is loyal and he does show his love toward me and anyone that see him can see it. I would really appreciate some advice thank you in advance for taking your time to read this whole thing.