I'm going to try to make the long story short. I'm going to try because
it's too complex and I want you to see both sides of the story, not
only mine.


Due to the fact my girlfriend is a bartender and doesn't want to kill
her clients/tips she would never put "in a relationship" on her
Facebook nor would she ever allow any pictures of us up on her
Facebook or mine if I were to tag her in them. Pictures from vegas
trip with guys however, appeared on few of her friends Facebook pages
and it was all okay until I saw them.
Last year my girlfriend went to Vegas with few of her girlfriends for
what was supposed to be a bachelorette party but turned into a
"divorce" party. Pictures showed up on websites of her partying with
random guys at clubs, vip booths etc. She didn't mention any of that
after she came back from her trip so I wasn't thrilled and felt lied
to. We had many fights about that.

2012 has been fiscally the worst year of my life and I'm having a lot
of business related issues and expenses that just keep piling up on
me.

We've been together for a year and a half and have been planning a
trip to Florida together. Just a nice getaway for the 2 of us. Extra expenses
didn't allow me to go. My girlfriend was quite upset about it because she
said she really needs a vacation so she can relax and get away from it all.
She would mention how badly she needs to relax at least twice a week.
A day after we looked at deals online and were ready to book our getaway
my business took another hit and several thousand dollars later I'm nearly
out of money and can't afford a vacation at the moment.
At least not for another 2-4 months.

Recently 3 of her single friends started planning a Vegas trip for
memorial day weekend. My girlfriend asked me what I think about her
going to Las Vegas with them.
I assumed she knew my opinion about it since
she has brought up going to Miami with her best friend a couple of
times in the recent
months. I always told her that Miami isn't really a spot to "RELAX".
It just felt off to me that
someone who constantly mentions a relaxing vacation at the beach with
me wants to go to one
of the biggest party spots in the US.
I told her I wouldn't be happy about about her going to Vegas,
especially for memorial day weekend.
I actually got mad that after what we've been through last year that she would
even consider going. Keep in mind that my understanding was that she
really wants a vacation-not a party weekend
with her girlfriends.

After she brought it up several more times I finally said " Fine, Go".
I was clearly upset about the whole thing. I just decided
that she will know what to do and won't decide to go, just wait for us
to go together which is reassured her we will.

A few days went by. I was really down, almost depressed about what's
happening to my business, and her going to Vegas made
me feel 10 times worse.
A week later we had an argument about it and I said that I don't think
it's appropriate for her to go with single girls, especially after
all those times she told me she needs to relax. The end of that
argument that the trip is booked and there's nothing that can be done,
that she wishes it wasn't because if she did know how I truly felt about
it and told her she shouldn't go - she wouldn't. She said it was a
misunderstanding.
Also I forgot to mention that we've had plans with my cousins to go
to our family cabin on the lake which she pretty much cancelled by
going to Las Vegas.

Another week has passed and I was as unhappy as I was before. I
contemplated breaking up with her because I couldn't stand the fact
that a girl with whom I want to be
for the rest of my life with would still choose Vegas over me,
regardless of me being nearly depressed about it.
We went out for one of my friends fiance's birthday and after way too
many drinks I got all emotional about it. I just couldn't let it go
and started an argument at a club.
I was an because this wasn't the right place and time for it.
Because of alcohol I actually ended up crying in front of her friends
( so embarrassing ).
We went to her house after that. Didn't speak about it next day
because we were too hungover to even talk.
Monday was the day where it all came back to life. I once again
explained how I felt and how I felt about her going to Vegas and why.
She told me that after her past 4 years in a relationship with a guy
who always promised her things and never went through with them she needs
to think about herself.
She said that I cannot guarantee her that in 2 or 3 or 4 months we
will actually go on vacation and that going to Vegas was an
opportunity for her to actually go somewhere.

I just want you all reading this to know that my girlfriend has
offered me to lend me money to go on vacation in Florida and I can pay
her back whenever. I said no because last thing I want to do
is borrow money from my girl and vacation in my opinion is an extra in
life and there are things of higher priority then that.
The vacation in Florida for the both of us would come up to 650
dollars for 5 nights if we were to go towards the end of July.
Her Vegas trip was 500 plus she took her busiest day at work of where
she makes about 500. We all know that Vegas on memorial day weekend is
as expensive as it gets.
She actually offered to buy me a ticket to come to Vegas with her
after all the arguments but I refused because I would feel like the
5th wheel and I felt like it's something I pressured her into doing.
I also brought up the point that she could've spent the same amount of
money that Vegas will cost her into vacation for the 2 of us. She
makes great money and can afford it. My birthday
is a week before memorial day weekend and her's is 3 weeks after that.
I feel that if someone tells me 2 times a week how much they want to
go on relaxing vacation with me and then chooses to go to Vegas
because an "opportunity" comes up isn't really someone I want to be
with.

I want to know your opinions about it and sorry for the long read.
Please ask me anything if whatever I wrote seems unclear. I wrote all
that from my heart which at the moment is a total mess...

thank you for all your help!!

I am certainly no expert in this matter but I find that you mentioned money or another word related to money about 20 times in your post.
If money issues cause this much turmoil now, the problem may (maybe not but good chance) get much worse soon or in a long term relationship. There are very few people who ever have enough money. Even billionaires seem to be looking to pick up yet another billion.
There is more to life and relationships than money. I won't be so presumptuous as to recommend any kind of action to be taken here but just think about whether, finances could be a problem in this relationship not just in the short term, but for however long it goes on.
Best wishes in figuring it all out.

Yeah I've mentioned money. Because it's the only thing that actually causes this problem. If my business problems didn't come into picture we would go on vacation and things would be tip top. I just don't know if I'm in the right mind to expect my girlfriend to go up to a cabin as planned and not go to Vegas?
I personally wouldn't leave her if she had as many problems as I've recently ran into. To me her saying " you can't go so I'm going to go to Vegas with them" seems a bit selfish.

I understand exactly what you are saying. But I guess I am saying also that even if things got financially excellent for you in two weeks from now (hope they do), it is not uncommon for money problems to crop up occasionally and you would want to be as certain as possible that you could weather those future storms too. I personally think that you are in your right mind on this.

We had a good friend (male) who had a long term relationship where a lady wanted him to have a more stable career before she would make any commitments (not saying that is identical to your situation and we felt that the lady had every right to want more stability). But that example turned out very badly. He would have been much better to have moved on but that is easier for me to say than it would have been for him to do, I'm sure.

I suggest that you hang on here a bit and you will get some other opinions I think. My opinion is somewhat biased by that experiece I noted

You have let your business problems poison your relationship, and one can see how your girlfriend would rather have a fun time with friends, than a week at a cabin with you. Sorry guy, but misery loves company, and some choose to run from misery.

Let her go for a while and get your head screwed back on. Get off the pit pot, and get your business back together.

You have let your business problems poison your relationship, and one can see how your gf would rather have a fun time with friends, than a week at a cabin with you. Sorry guy, but misery loves company, and some choose to run from misery.

Let her go for a while and get your head screwed back on. Get off the pit pot, and get your business back together.

Do you not think that it's wrong to simply getaway from someone once things get bad? If that were the case should I have left her for lying to me?

Everybody needs a break, and you can hardly expect her to keep putting it off because you can't enjoy it, nor control her. I highly suspect you have been taking this out on her, and since you didn't want to go to the biggest party place in the country during a holiday, you clearly have a very sour attitude.

While lack of cash does crimp your style, she was the one paying, and you should have went. Not to gamble, but to party. With your lady, and her friends. This sounds like sour grapes that yo sit alone in your own to me. Sorry!

I actually do not take anything out on her. I hardly even talk about it. For sure I wasn't as smily as normal but that's kind of obvious. Everything else was fine between us.
I'm not sure if you realize the cost of going to Vegas for memorial day weekend??
Going to a club costs a 100 bucks for guy for 1 night and 25 dollar drinks. It's quite easy to say to suck it up and go when you have money that you simply don't want to spend. However if you've emptied your accounts because of a business problem and your balance is 0 it's a bit harder to enjoy a vacation.

My friend, - you're conflating your money stress and fear about keeping your business and financial life together with your relationship. Not a good idea. -- And yes, some of this seems to be about what you can and can't do because of the rough year you're having -- but money isn't everything and you drunk crying and pressuring your lady to not have fun (or have fun in safe un-sexy places) is relationship damaging and not about money.

You're afraid you'll lose her or that she's going to do something you don't want her to do. Controlling her is NOT the way to go. If she wants to party it up or cheat on you, nothing you can do will stop her. Why not assume that she doesn't want to and trust her. You'll have to eventually trust a woman if you're going to have more than an immature relationship with her. If you can't trust this girl, you might as well try for a girl who is more sedate and not into the party girl lifestyle... she's a bartender for cryin' out loud. Lack of trust is a huge turn off.

You know who she is so accept that or go on your own and find someone who doesn't have the same expectations she does. -- Who can blame her for not wanting to hang out at your cousins or wanting a break? Just because you can't go doesn't mean she shouldn't - are you more worried about her happiness or are you more worried about how untrustworthy she is and how she's personally attacking you by choosing Vegas over you.

Caring about HER and her experience and trusting her will get you further than the tact you're taking, money problems or not.

You're being a little selfish. And I say that with great understanding as someone prone to insecurity and jealousy. Lol Speaking of money problems - if you're more confident with her and about your relationship with her you will stop sending desperate "I'm a loser" (probably a secret fear of yours) signals no matter how much you're struggling. Money can change and improve -- but your personal attitude matters much more to her than your wallet.

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to WisperWill70 again

Very well said. Excellent food for thought!

So you don't think that instead of focusing on leaving with her girlfriends in the first place. It would have been smarter relationship wise to just book a vacation for the 2 of us?
Keep in my that mind girlfriend told me constantly how much she wants a vacation with me etc.

Wouldn't it be a nice gesture and more credible if she actually got us a trip instead of going with her girlfriends.
I guess what I'm saying is.
If I tell my girlfriend I want to go on vacation with her really badly for few months. I make really good money. I know she's having problems and her birthday is coming up. Do you think I should go to vegas with my friends and leave her at home or do I pay the same amount of money that Vegas would cost me and take her on vacation instead?

I don't know why I just received you last post 8 days later but I did.
Yes, she should have arranged a trip for the two of you if the relationship is as important to her as it is to you.
You said earlier "Yeah I've mentioned money. Because it's the only thing that actually causes this problem."
Now you say " I make really good money."
Maybe you should go to Vegas and leave her home and you will have some time to mature a little bit and decide what's important in life and whether your current type issues are what you want to spend most of your time on for the foreseeable future.