I have been in a relationship with my husband for 4 years, just recently got married and had a baby.. Moved all the way across the world, only to find out once I got here that he has had multiple affairs before and after we got married. Some one night stands, some more than that... You could say they were "Dating"... also he has tried to get back with ex girlfriends (while being married to me), and has started up several different social networks to hook up with different women.. All the while I thought everything was perfect.

We are high school sweethearts and have been together for quite some time... Then had a baby. We never have sex anymore, and now he is gone. I do love my husband, and he says he regrets everything he's done to me and he wishes he could take it all back. We've done counseling, and have talked it all out and he confessed everything. But there is still a big part of me that feels like a fool for staying with him. How can I trust him while he is gone for 10 months? PLEASE HELP ME, I AM GOING CRAZY!

Where were you living the entire time for 4 years that you were "dating" him, was this some sort of long distance relationship ?

Did you marry him before you moved to where he was at ?

But honestly I doubt he will change, most likely he has never stopped cheating, just better at hiding it.

So your choice is to accept it, or perhaps what I don't understand why you did not before, leave him and go back home.

If it bring this much stress, why don't you end the relationship? He is a cheater, you should have left after the first time, this has gone on for too long. If you cannot trust him, then this relationship will always be unhealthy, now if you want things to work, you can only MAKE yourself trust him. No questions asked. If you can't do that, I would suggest to move on.

I was living back in the states, he was here in Germany, we were engaged for about a year, got pregnant while he came on leave, and got married several months after I got pregnant. I moved here a month before I gave birth.. So yes it was a long distance relationship for close to a year and a half. He was galavanting around telling women he was single, never mentioning me, having sex with women left and right, even while I was pregnant! I guess part of me feels like I need him.. I have no way of moving back home, no money and nowhere to live.. Im 18, straight out of high school but very mature for my age and my situation. I don't like being so dependent, but with being in a foreign country with no other options, it's hard not to be. I also didn't think things would be this way. I was blind to it all. Also, he is telling me that he thinks cheating is stupid, and he doesn't know why he ever did it in the first place.. I'm so confused, I don't know what to believe! Our newlywed marriage has started horribly... He says I nag him too much, well yeah, because you can't keep your d*** in your pants! Myself esteem has gone so low, I get compliments from everyone BUT him, and he's the only one I even want them from! We never have sex anymore, he is basically addicted to porn. I do not look bad at all for just having a baby 5 months ago, I don't even look like I had a baby! I guess the point I'm trying to make is, I came into this marriage loving him and so excited for our little family to build a foundation... And it was all a lie it feels like. He doesn't make me feel pretty or wanted... But when it comes time for me to call it quits, he cries and begs for me to stay. I feel bad that if I would leave him, itd be while he's in Afghanistan, it's his first deployment, and I can see it in his eyes when he gets sentimental that e really does love me... I just don't know what to do anymore. As far as I know, he hasn't had sex with any other woman since July of last year, and hasn't kissed or anything with another woman since January... As of now, he thinks everything is perfectly fine... But I am so worried about the cyber relationships and/or him cheating with one of these sleazy female soldiers he's deployed with. Help! (by the way, thank you for your help)

This is really a tough one, as there are so many things going on in your very young life. It has to be overwhelming. I can only suggest, you take his deployment as a time to get acclimated to your new environment, and build a life to take care of yourself, and your baby, maybe taking some courses to bridge the language gap and make a few friends. This may help and give you confidence in yourself, and let you relax from what you have been through, and get your feet under you, until YOU can fend for yourself, and make good choices, and decisions for yourself.

The focus is on you now, to heal and make your own plan of action. I wish you luck, and be patient enough to put your child and YOU first, and just be happy with each other, and NOT get carried away but fear, and insecurity of what he has done, or MAY be doing.

You mat never forgive OR forget, but you can heal and love yourself, and get stronger. Then you will be ready to do what you have to do, whatever you decide.

You're right, your response opened my eyes. It's not so clean cut "leave him" or "stay with him" in my situation, with it being so complicated. I appreciate your response. Yes it is really overwhelming. I fell in love very young, and started a family sooner than I should have... That wouldn't be so bad if we were a functional couple. I just don't know what to do. I asked him if there were a lot of women on the base he is at, his reply is "yes a lot of them. All different ethnicities, it's very diverse here" That worries me almost to my teaming point! I said "well you are being faithful to me, right?" that's when he said that he would never cheat on me again and he regrets what he did everyday... Blah blah blah... I just can't wrap my head around the idea of him being faithful out there! He's cheated so much, I don't know if he's capable of being a good husband. I am beyond stressed out, lonely, worried about not only his safety, but his fidelity... I am basically a single parent now, although I am not one financially... He has never helped with our son, I've done every single thing for him since the day he was born with no help from my husband at all... It's just so hard to think this is the life I got myself into and I was so naïve! I admit that I nag him and do not trust him.. But how can I be wrong for that? He did this to us, not me! He uses that as an excuse. I was always the fun loving, funny, active girl... Now I am the opposite. I guess I should mention that he is also very controlling and does not like me to go out and do things. I know if I leave him, he will hate me and start another relationship with one of his sidelines immediately. That would tear me apart. I can't get my mind off the thought of him doing me wrong again while he's deployed... The whole time he was in Germany and I was in the US, he was carrying on like a single man, how can I not assume and worry that he is doing the same things now? I understand what you're getting at though, I know I new to focus on myself and my son... It's just hard because I married him because loved him, and it seems like he married me for our son and the military benefits...

I totally feel you! >GIGANTIC CYBER HUG!!!!<, and I am sympathetic, but lets keep it real!

Don't let your fear of what he may be doing stop your from doing what you must for yourself, for your happiness, and for your child. You may not trust him, but you learn to trust yourself. YOUR judgment, thought, and actions. In this way, instead of blaming what he has done to you, you take responsibility for what YOU do. Let the emotional dust settle, and start working your plan, and stop the silly questions "are you being faithful?"

Life is a beeyatch, and no matter what happens, its about what YOU do about it.