Okay, this may be a little long, but I feel you may need to know all of these details in order to understand how I'm feeling right now.

My Ex & I had been together for 3 & 1/2 years & engaged for 2 before we split up just about 6 months ago. I was the one who in fact broke the relationship up. We at the time were living together had all the plans of marriage and babies, but for some reason I was feeling as if I didn't want any of those things at the time. I had just turned 21 & I wanted to go out & be young! Once I got my mind set on that there was no turning back; I left & haven't seen him since.

I started dating someone new & so did he. That was kind of my plan all along to just get out & meet new people & do my own thing for a while, with the thought always in the back of my mind that we would eventually end up back together some how. However, just a few weeks ago, I of course checked my Facebook to see that they were indeed expecting. I was so devastated. I couldn't believe it I immediately cried my eyes out. It should have been me! Not some stranger he hadn't even been dating that long!

I tried to look past it, I of course had my own boyfriend & we are doing well.. sort of. So, I blocked him & his girlfriend from Facebook thinking that if I didn't see it I would forget about it. It didn't work, I just thought about him more and more. & One night he texted me asking me why I had blocked him. We started talking for a few days & ended up hanging out just yesterday ironically on the day that would have been our 4 year anniversary.

We expressed how we both felt. I told him how upset I was about him having a child with someone else when I so desperately wanted it to be. He told me he wanted it more than anything to be me as well. He & the girlfriend have already agreed that it is not going to work out between them, however he is still staying with her to support her during the pregnancy, after the baby is born they are going their separate ways & he will have his child 3 days out of the week.

I had the most amazing time with him, almost like I was falling in love with him all over again. & he expressed to me how much he wanted to make things work again. I want this more than anything.. however I just don't know how it'll work with him getting ready to have a child with another woman.

Is there anyone out there who has dated someone who has had a child with another woman? I just feel like when it comes time to have a child with him it will not be special since he has already had that experience with someone else. I wanted it to be something new and special that we shared together for the first time, but now it can never be since he is about to do it with someone else.

Can anyone give me any kind of advice? I'll take anything at this point.. I just don't know what to do. :-/

You are 21. You wanted to try new people. YOU left HIM.
There's no turning back, no matter how romantic your 4th year get together was. You will never had what you had before. The mother of the child will be very much in his life as they shuffle back and forth and decide on shots and school and food and you name it.
Plus he will be footing some of the bill.
Your devastation was understandable but not acceptable. You have to take responsibility for the events. You have to squash feelings of possessiveness for something you let go, and all the jealousy that goes with it.
In short, I see a future going nowhere but down with him now. You can't have what no longer exists, even though you see the same face in front of you.

I think it's a bad idea getting back with him while he faces so many LIFE CHANGING challenges ahead. Everything has changed, and you should be following your first mind, doing your thing, and meeting new people because as hopeful as he sounds now, the stuff has yet to hit the fan.

Plus being his baby sitter of a baby with another, and putting up with baby mama drama, ain't going to be any fun for none of you. You don't need this pie in the sky stuff at this time in your life.

EVERY THING has changed, and maybe you dodged a bullet. If its meant to be, then it will be, AFTER he gets it together. See what happens in the next year, without him!!

And yes, I have seen many people try to pick up with an ex where they left off, but new unplanned, unwanted responsibilities always got in the way. You deserve better, and should pursue better.

I hear what both of you are saying, & it makes some sense to me.. however, I still have the issue that I care about him so much. Even when I did leave him I still thought about him each & every day. I compare everything about him & what he says & how he acts to my current boyfriend.. & he says he does the same with me. How can that not be love or some kind of connection between us? How can I just ignore that fact that he wants to be with me & I want to be with him. There only thing now is that there is another life envolved, which is not the issue with me. I do not have any resentment towards him having a child, he has always wanted to be a dad & I know he will be so AMAZING at it! HOwever, my concern is when and if it comes time for him & I to have a child together, will it still be special since he has already had the experience with someone else. How can I get passed the fact that he has expierenced a life changing event with someone else & now he's just doing it all over again with me, like it's nothing new to him. I don't know how to get passed that feeling..

You need to recognize your are caught up in to many of your own intense feelings, and as long as you are making plans with him, those feelings will be stirred up even more, and be VERY intense, and confusing.

You simply have not have had the time for a proper healing, plain, and simple, and the healing process can not even begin, until you make the decision and become willing to let it begin.

Are you still in a relationship with some one else? If so, leave the ex boyfriend alone, and deal honestly with that.

I agree with you. I do have some intense feelings that are making me pretty confused, that is why we both have agreed that we don't need to think about planning anything between us until after he has his whole situation figured out (which is going to be at least 5 months if not more). We also don't plan on even talking that often, just hear in there to make sure one another is doing well.
I don't know what the future holds for us, but the way I see it, if after everything is said & done & he still wants to be with me & I with him, then it must be meant to be! How could it not be? I truly feel like he is the one I'm meant to be with.. & I know that means that I do need to talk to my current boyfriend that I do have now. I just know he is not the one, I truly like him, A LOT but I cannot imagine myself with him for the rest of my life like I can with my ex.

To be honest, your rebound boyfriend never had a chance, but be aware that the best way to keep those feelings stirred up is to keep in touch to see if everything is all right with each other.

I really believe that's a mistake and a false hope. MUCH better would be to leave each other alone and let those feelings settle and see what's going on AFTER he handles his business. If you were meant to be you will survive 5 months, and you both can focus on handling your business, and get under control.

Just saying. Keeping in touch is a trap that doesn't allow healing or clear thought, just waiting in limbo marking time. Blinds you to better options, and opportunities. Better paths of actions, and just old fashion reality. But obviously no matter what, you are committed to holding on. That's a good way to stay confused, and powerless.

Thanks for all your help.. I am going to take your advice & stop talking to him. I really think that does make things ten times worse than they already are. Like I said, if we are meant to be.. then in 5 or so months.. we will be. All I can do is live my life until then & that's what I plan on doing. I'm not going to sit around and wait and wonder and hope and pray. I'm going to live my life. Thank you so much!

I would not get involved with someone who is having a child soon. But that is my opinion. If you want to deal with the baby mama drama that is also your choice. You have made your bed and are now having to sleep on it. It sucks, to have made a selfish decision without thinking of the consecuences, but you DID make the decisions, and now the consecuances are coming aboard. I would recommend to move on, start fresh somewhere else, end the relationship with the current boyfriend since he did nothing to deserve you betraying him for an ex, and move on.