Michael18
May 5, 2012, 04:45 AM
When I was around 15-16yo. My family and I faced tough times with a very ill family member, my mother; emotions arose and words were tossed with all the emotions at that time.
My fathers mother used to take me out to movies, took me out to shop with her as well as took me to eat at places. At that time I was depressed, tensions between family members were high strung, some people in school weren't being nice to me at the time, etc. So I talked about how I felt with her. She didn't just lend me a listening/confiding ear, she told me/said things about my parents to me; it turns out she said different opinions of how my parents should have raised me/were raising me at the time as well as many accusations about my parents such as how they parented/were parenting me, things she thought they should have made me do, things she thought my parents shouldn't have let me done and be doing , etc.
I forget exactly how it was brought up to my parents about the things my fathers mother was telling me, I believe I told my mother and father. They talked via phone to each other (my mother, father and fathers mother), the conversation ended up in a heated argument and ended in the phone conversations being hung up before there was any resolution due to heated emotions.
My parents felt I had been accusing them of things behind their backs so they lost almost all trust in me, from that point on they became very suspicious and paranoid. That there's no way my fathers mother could have come up with those accusations and opinions of them without me saying things to her. They blame/d me for everything that happened, the accusations, the opinions; they didn't hold her accountable, the one who had just said all those things directly to them. They believe I was the one who brought about it all, that I made her think bad things and have negative opinions of them; putting it all on me, I was made the scapegoat.
I wanted them to know that I hadn't said anything bad or accusatory of them to her, that she was the one who had accused them of things. But because they weren't there, they will never know for themselves as a fact that I had not betrayed them/accused them of anything as well as made her think bad of them.
When any argument or conflict arrises between my father, mother and I, they would express to me (and still do) that they didn't/don't want me talking to anyone else about the argument/s we had/have, conversation/s and/or conflict/s we had/have and that if I had/have a problem/s and/or I'll opinion/s of/with them to not tell anyone else but them, to talk it out with them because if I had/have an issue with them, it's between them and I, no one else.
I had a school counseler I would talk to when in school so I would talk about things that bothering me so I could figure things out, calm my emotions, come up with a pro-active plant, etc.; my parents found out (or I told them) that I had in fact been having some counseling and didn't want me talking about them to the counselor because they didn't want anybody thinking things about about and/or having ill-opinions/opinions of them.
I don't think they realize/d, in order to maintain emotional/mental health that sometimes people have to talk about things to other people than the ones they have a problem with of which they can completely confide in order to help resolve and/or cope with personal emotional conflicts and/or situations. "Counseling helps with problems in living through an interaction with a trained professional. It offers a way to gain perspective on your behaviour, emotions and relationships. It provides a means to express your feelings and identify patterns of thinking. It alleviates anxiety, depression and anger in their many forms. It helps develop communication skills for dealing with conflict and frustration. It is a means for addressing pain, working through loss and adding meaning to your life." - http://www.myshrink.com/what-is-counseling.php
Although, talking to family members and/or someone who has a relation to the person/people you're talking about will most likely cause them to become opinionated, form opinions of them and/or cause strife between relationships.
A few years ago my fathers brother tried to turn me against my family and/or make me think ill opinions of them by accusating them of treating him badly years back, said things about my mothers sister, criticized how they had/were parenting me, etc. I had/have no way of telling if he was telling lies because the accusations he talked about, that invlolved him and my parents, was before I even existed.
Because what he said didn't involve me, I told my mother, father and my mothers sister as well as showed my parents exactly what was talked about (I was around 16-17yo. At the time); my parents and my mothers sister lost almost all trust in me because they believed (and still believe) that I was accusing them of things with/to him due to one of my answers being in favor of one of the things he said because I had misunderstood what he meant. He had said something along the lines of my mother only letting my father do things she wanted, I had said something like 'yeah' misunderstanding what he meant because my parents did/do everything together as well as made/make decisions together; I didn't realize he meant that my mother was being controlling of my father.
My mothers sister is also extremely paranoid and suspicious of me ever since, she reads between the lines of anything/everything I say finding meaning (trying to find) that isn't there. She would pour praise on me like I was the most gifted/talented kid on earth and then say that she real'y cares (emphasis on real'ly) and to remember the people who real'y care (emphasis on real'y). She had and argument with my girlfriend. (ex.) where heated words flew between them and said my girlfriend (ex.) didn't care about me (my ex. Didn't though) then said she said respect'd me a lot and not to talk to my girlfriend (ex.) again because she wouldn't forgive me (kind of controlling/emotionally controlling).
She sent me privat' messag's saying that she had copies of convo's we had, that 'everyone'd know' (kind of like emotional black mail, black mail?) when I've never even said anything.
My mothers sister was on my fb till I took her off my list because it all started when I had said on my wall that there isn't privacy because friends-friends can see things you type, her being suspicious and paranoid she said she read between lines and figured what was between lines was not good, taking it that I was hinting I was talking behind people's backs such as her back or couldn't talk behind backs. I posted where I had gotten my viewpoint from which was a video of a person talking about fb about people he doesn't even know, friends-friends, can see what he's talking about when he doesn't even know them, he used many cuss-words as well as the f-word a lot so she became very offended, when I had explained (and previously explained) to her politely before I showed her the source of my viewpoint/idea/comment and she wouldn't believe/accept what I told her. I was not impolite toward her, the video was offensive, she became offended by me when it should have only been the video that offended her.
I posted the word unstabl' on my wall, which had personal meaning for the unstabl' relationships I've had ever since everything happened and how unstabl' it has made my mother, father, fathers mother and my mothers sister. I hadn't realized my fathers brother had called her and my family unstabl' and that's what set her off, so I promised her I didn't remember he had said that to/about her and the family.
It's kind of funny because my mothers sister said that my ex. Was mentally unstable because she said my ex. Was blaming everything on me.
After all that, I had made a game where my friends would 'lms' and I'd describe what I thought about them in a one word definition. This set her off (due to the above) and she started commentin' on all the posts, hinted I was the definition of assh*le by asking me which definition I was then defining the word assh*le, commenting on other posts that she was unstabl', etc. And then she deleted all the comments right after she had posted them so no one else could see and my friends and I would get the email notifications. She sent privat' messages saying that nobody (family) responds to me, just 'd'rk' friends, saying I'm judgement'l then saying she didn't mean anything she said, 'taking it back.'
Now after I took her off my list and blok'd her, she's been taunting my through priv't message by defining the meaning of 'things that are worthless and have little value,' called me 'boy.' Saying if I keep going like I am I'll have no one at all, will separate myself from all fam'ly, won't have any close relationships and/or fam'ly ones I'd care about, will have little to no emotions, and take everything from my par'nts using them and that she'll keep me from doing it; then she said she was joking.
Like I would do that to my par'nts, I love my par'nts very much and they've done everything for me; I want to do what I can to help and be there for my par'nts.
She's family, but should I completely disconnect myself from this abusive relationship?
What kind of relationship is this, if it is one anymore ?
I can't fix what has happened and my family is steadfast in keeping me the scapegoat, my relationship between my mother, father, fathers mother, fathers brother, mother sister has become and/or is becoming sour. My father has negative emotions, feeling, opinions and thoughts towards me as well as my mother, although they still love me because I'm their son.
Will it always be this way or close to it from now on?
Is my mothers sister being emotionally controlling and or manipulative? If not, what is it?
Should I remove myself from the equation? If so, how?
I know I can't really fix what's happened, I'm tired of it being brought up again and again being blamed that it's my fault when it's really between my mothers sister and my fathers brother, between my fathers brother and my mother and father as well as between my my fathers mother and my mother and father.
I'm a few months away from being twenty years old, I know how to drive all right but I'm making sure I'm 100% ready before I take my license test, I've a car, money to pay for insurance/register it so I can get another job and provide for myself and be self sufficient so I can eventually get enough money to live on my own.
My fathers mother used to take me out to movies, took me out to shop with her as well as took me to eat at places. At that time I was depressed, tensions between family members were high strung, some people in school weren't being nice to me at the time, etc. So I talked about how I felt with her. She didn't just lend me a listening/confiding ear, she told me/said things about my parents to me; it turns out she said different opinions of how my parents should have raised me/were raising me at the time as well as many accusations about my parents such as how they parented/were parenting me, things she thought they should have made me do, things she thought my parents shouldn't have let me done and be doing , etc.
I forget exactly how it was brought up to my parents about the things my fathers mother was telling me, I believe I told my mother and father. They talked via phone to each other (my mother, father and fathers mother), the conversation ended up in a heated argument and ended in the phone conversations being hung up before there was any resolution due to heated emotions.
My parents felt I had been accusing them of things behind their backs so they lost almost all trust in me, from that point on they became very suspicious and paranoid. That there's no way my fathers mother could have come up with those accusations and opinions of them without me saying things to her. They blame/d me for everything that happened, the accusations, the opinions; they didn't hold her accountable, the one who had just said all those things directly to them. They believe I was the one who brought about it all, that I made her think bad things and have negative opinions of them; putting it all on me, I was made the scapegoat.
I wanted them to know that I hadn't said anything bad or accusatory of them to her, that she was the one who had accused them of things. But because they weren't there, they will never know for themselves as a fact that I had not betrayed them/accused them of anything as well as made her think bad of them.
When any argument or conflict arrises between my father, mother and I, they would express to me (and still do) that they didn't/don't want me talking to anyone else about the argument/s we had/have, conversation/s and/or conflict/s we had/have and that if I had/have a problem/s and/or I'll opinion/s of/with them to not tell anyone else but them, to talk it out with them because if I had/have an issue with them, it's between them and I, no one else.
I had a school counseler I would talk to when in school so I would talk about things that bothering me so I could figure things out, calm my emotions, come up with a pro-active plant, etc.; my parents found out (or I told them) that I had in fact been having some counseling and didn't want me talking about them to the counselor because they didn't want anybody thinking things about about and/or having ill-opinions/opinions of them.
I don't think they realize/d, in order to maintain emotional/mental health that sometimes people have to talk about things to other people than the ones they have a problem with of which they can completely confide in order to help resolve and/or cope with personal emotional conflicts and/or situations. "Counseling helps with problems in living through an interaction with a trained professional. It offers a way to gain perspective on your behaviour, emotions and relationships. It provides a means to express your feelings and identify patterns of thinking. It alleviates anxiety, depression and anger in their many forms. It helps develop communication skills for dealing with conflict and frustration. It is a means for addressing pain, working through loss and adding meaning to your life." - http://www.myshrink.com/what-is-counseling.php
Although, talking to family members and/or someone who has a relation to the person/people you're talking about will most likely cause them to become opinionated, form opinions of them and/or cause strife between relationships.
A few years ago my fathers brother tried to turn me against my family and/or make me think ill opinions of them by accusating them of treating him badly years back, said things about my mothers sister, criticized how they had/were parenting me, etc. I had/have no way of telling if he was telling lies because the accusations he talked about, that invlolved him and my parents, was before I even existed.
Because what he said didn't involve me, I told my mother, father and my mothers sister as well as showed my parents exactly what was talked about (I was around 16-17yo. At the time); my parents and my mothers sister lost almost all trust in me because they believed (and still believe) that I was accusing them of things with/to him due to one of my answers being in favor of one of the things he said because I had misunderstood what he meant. He had said something along the lines of my mother only letting my father do things she wanted, I had said something like 'yeah' misunderstanding what he meant because my parents did/do everything together as well as made/make decisions together; I didn't realize he meant that my mother was being controlling of my father.
My mothers sister is also extremely paranoid and suspicious of me ever since, she reads between the lines of anything/everything I say finding meaning (trying to find) that isn't there. She would pour praise on me like I was the most gifted/talented kid on earth and then say that she real'y cares (emphasis on real'ly) and to remember the people who real'y care (emphasis on real'y). She had and argument with my girlfriend. (ex.) where heated words flew between them and said my girlfriend (ex.) didn't care about me (my ex. Didn't though) then said she said respect'd me a lot and not to talk to my girlfriend (ex.) again because she wouldn't forgive me (kind of controlling/emotionally controlling).
She sent me privat' messag's saying that she had copies of convo's we had, that 'everyone'd know' (kind of like emotional black mail, black mail?) when I've never even said anything.
My mothers sister was on my fb till I took her off my list because it all started when I had said on my wall that there isn't privacy because friends-friends can see things you type, her being suspicious and paranoid she said she read between lines and figured what was between lines was not good, taking it that I was hinting I was talking behind people's backs such as her back or couldn't talk behind backs. I posted where I had gotten my viewpoint from which was a video of a person talking about fb about people he doesn't even know, friends-friends, can see what he's talking about when he doesn't even know them, he used many cuss-words as well as the f-word a lot so she became very offended, when I had explained (and previously explained) to her politely before I showed her the source of my viewpoint/idea/comment and she wouldn't believe/accept what I told her. I was not impolite toward her, the video was offensive, she became offended by me when it should have only been the video that offended her.
I posted the word unstabl' on my wall, which had personal meaning for the unstabl' relationships I've had ever since everything happened and how unstabl' it has made my mother, father, fathers mother and my mothers sister. I hadn't realized my fathers brother had called her and my family unstabl' and that's what set her off, so I promised her I didn't remember he had said that to/about her and the family.
It's kind of funny because my mothers sister said that my ex. Was mentally unstable because she said my ex. Was blaming everything on me.
After all that, I had made a game where my friends would 'lms' and I'd describe what I thought about them in a one word definition. This set her off (due to the above) and she started commentin' on all the posts, hinted I was the definition of assh*le by asking me which definition I was then defining the word assh*le, commenting on other posts that she was unstabl', etc. And then she deleted all the comments right after she had posted them so no one else could see and my friends and I would get the email notifications. She sent privat' messages saying that nobody (family) responds to me, just 'd'rk' friends, saying I'm judgement'l then saying she didn't mean anything she said, 'taking it back.'
Now after I took her off my list and blok'd her, she's been taunting my through priv't message by defining the meaning of 'things that are worthless and have little value,' called me 'boy.' Saying if I keep going like I am I'll have no one at all, will separate myself from all fam'ly, won't have any close relationships and/or fam'ly ones I'd care about, will have little to no emotions, and take everything from my par'nts using them and that she'll keep me from doing it; then she said she was joking.
Like I would do that to my par'nts, I love my par'nts very much and they've done everything for me; I want to do what I can to help and be there for my par'nts.
She's family, but should I completely disconnect myself from this abusive relationship?
What kind of relationship is this, if it is one anymore ?
I can't fix what has happened and my family is steadfast in keeping me the scapegoat, my relationship between my mother, father, fathers mother, fathers brother, mother sister has become and/or is becoming sour. My father has negative emotions, feeling, opinions and thoughts towards me as well as my mother, although they still love me because I'm their son.
Will it always be this way or close to it from now on?
Is my mothers sister being emotionally controlling and or manipulative? If not, what is it?
Should I remove myself from the equation? If so, how?
I know I can't really fix what's happened, I'm tired of it being brought up again and again being blamed that it's my fault when it's really between my mothers sister and my fathers brother, between my fathers brother and my mother and father as well as between my my fathers mother and my mother and father.
I'm a few months away from being twenty years old, I know how to drive all right but I'm making sure I'm 100% ready before I take my license test, I've a car, money to pay for insurance/register it so I can get another job and provide for myself and be self sufficient so I can eventually get enough money to live on my own.