I've had panic attacks about tornadoes since 2010 or 2009. Whenever a cloud didn't look right id freak out and hide out in our basement. I'd sleep down there if I had to sometimes. Winter is my favorite season because of this. This anxiety led into depression, which has lasted year round, and I only managed to overcome early this year. I wasn't just depressed because of my anxiety; I would find something else wrong and become deeply upset about that. On top of that my parents would- and do- tease me about my anxiety. My parents aren't the only ones who like to poke fun. At school I'm that one girl that no matter how hard she tries she can't get noticed, and when she does, it is only to be attacked, both physically and verbally. The Aeropostale, Abercrombie, American eagle, and Hollister brands are big at my school, and neither can I afford it or do I even like the trend. I get beaten up and called profane names because of the way I look. I kind of have a punk rock meets skater and hipster kind of look. Odd I know but it's me. I ended up doing self mutilation until my boyfriend turned me in to the school counsellor. The bullying died down for awhile but now its coming back with a vengeance. In fact; I can't even look at an aeropostale store without starting to shake a little.

My parents have always pushed me to be my best, but I've been trying so hard to be the best but I just can't seem to convince myself even if I'm not the best I'm still good. My parents have applied extra pressure on my grades, which have been slipping from A's to C's and D's. I had a panic attack when I got my mid term grades because of how poor they were. I had a nervous breakdown because I thought my parents were going to punish me. I still have nervous breakdowns over my parents & my grades. They aren't convenient in the middle of algebra.

Basically, I need help stylizing all thus and figuring out what to do.

Ps please don't be mean.

I'm 65, and I know what you mean about those brand names, and I see how mean teens can be about what other teens wear. I wish there was a magic wand I could wave over you to give you the confidence to look the way you want to look and be proud of it. It isn't easy these days. When I was your age we had to wear what our parents bought for us (or handed down in my case) and everyone knew it and there was no bullying about it.
As for phobias, they can be a wiring of your brain combined with chemistry of anxiety that isn't clearly understood. Studies have shown that it takes a lot of work to train yourself to overcome them. If you were still fearful of every dark cloud, for instance, you would slowly and methodically spend a little more and more time facing a dark cloud, and you might take some anti anxiety medication along with the behavior modification.
I'm not sure what you mean by nervous breakdown vs panic attack. Did you have to be taken to a hospital in the middle of class? To me, that is what defines a breakdown, when you not only can't function but also need attending to somewhere away from the scene.
Now the most important question: why are you trying to get noticed in school? Do you have one best friend? Is your boyfriend a good 'friend?' Can you talk more about that? Also do you have siblings, and how do your parents act around them?

To clarify the nervous breakdown/ panic attack thing, I was a bit over reactive. I'm sure to everyone else I just looked like some girl with uncontrollable emotions but inside of me my heart started racing and I had trouble breathing, which didn't help t all because I was crying. I basically locked myself in a bathroom stall and shook and cried and tried to get everything under control, without any result except more freaking out

Thank you for answering. You have no idea how much your response means to me

Have you seen a doctor to test for hormonal imbalances such as having thyroid issues; hyperthyroidism? This can happen to young people too and it can cause racing heart, having short-term memory problems and other symptoms. Experiencing especially the tachycardia (racing heart) can cause anyone to become anxious. If when your heart starts racing try not to become emotional or cry which can cause you to hold your breath or not taken in adequate air which can cause dizziness or feeling lightheaded. Instead focus on being calm even if your heart is not. An exercise that might help: Inhale through your nose, hold your breath for a moment, then form your lips as if you are going to whistle but not so much pronounced... then exhale (push) the air out Sloooowly. Do it until your heart slows down. If you become tired then rest, but remain calm as much as possible. It is OK to cry when you are hurt or sad for reason as tears can be healing for your emotional well-being and helpful for removing toxins from your body. You should eat a banana everyday or something with potassium in it, like a baked potato or sweet potato/yam. Also maybe something like Gatorade to keep your electrolytes up. Start taking care of your own health, eat health food, not so much junk foods and if you are not exercising, if all you do is walk then start doing this weekly. Repeat everyday to yourself silently or verbally positive affirmations such as: 'I am beautiful'... 'I am Happy'... 'I am smart'... 'I am intelligent'... 'I am lovable'... 'I am calm'... 'I love my body'... 'I am worthy'... 'I am enough.' Use any of my suggestions and create other affirmation for yourself, if you like. There's a beautiful world out there, SnowWhiteQueen... because you are in it! ♥

Oh and to answer the other questions

I used to be okay with being ignored, but just seeing other people being, I don't know... Cared about, made me realize that you can only be "invisible" for so long
With the sibling thing...
I have two younger sisters, the youngest, who is 8, never gets in trouble (even when she is the one who is the aggressor, which she is most of the time) which also bothers me but that's not the point. My other sister is like my best friend. We share a biological dad and have always had a bond I could never form with my other sister.

With the friend/ boyfriend thing...
My boyfriend isn't that great, but somehow I feel obligated to him and I don't know why. (my first question is about him if you need more info) I have friends, but sometimes their not enough. They're constantly fighting with each other (certain people don't like other people and they have a group within the group and I'm caught in the middle)
Any more questions? Feel free to ask away

I fully understand a panic attack and how uncontrollable it is.
I also understand (I think) how groups of friends can be constantly aligning with some against others (especially girls) and how petty it is. That's another thing my generation didn't experience so much. We had groups but not the 'mean girls' I see today.
I read about your boyfriend and it sounds like an iffy relationship that is pretty superficial despite his protestations of love. I can see how it doesn't feel quite right. Your sense of obligation might just be because he's so good at claiming he needs you when he needs you, coming back to you when he fails at new attempts with others. And you may just feel that you need him because there aren't any other options (except for the guy who blushed). Feelings for people can turn on a dime when you are a teen. Say hi to the blusher and linger just enough so that he gets the sense that you are interested.
The sibling and parent problems seem typical enough, although you don't mention your father or when he left and what affect that had on you. It is impossible to analyze all this in light of what might have started the anxiety and phobias, of course, it could take months of therapy. And it isn't always clear that the anxiety isn't something purely chemical. When I was in high school I had insomnia, and it seemed so bad that I don't know how I got through the night, yet somehow went off to school each morning as though nothing had happened, and after high school it was gone. Some of this might be fluctuating hormones, which really do go through huge changes each month and vary a lot from woman to woman and over time for each woman. Since the tornado fear is gone and you now have general panic attacks, it's possible that you are evolving away from this. But who knows, without lots of tests and therapy. Would your parents pay for it or have insurance? Would you go?

Thanks joypulv, for those answers
My dad passed away when I was younger, so that's why he left. I don't like to bring it up because I've often been told that I'm throwing a pity party or to get over it, so I just kind of learned to shut up about it.

With the therapy thing, I've tried to convince my parents to let me go, and I don't know if it's some sort of denial issue, but they refuse to let me go. My mom also doesn't want to put me on any meds, even though I had asked her already.

With the boyfriend thing...
I don't have feelings for him but I have this issue where I can't hurt people that I have (or have had a bond with) so when he keeps coming back to me I start to feel bad. That's a small explanation of everything as well

Thanks again for the help