I am a mother of 2 boys and I was with their dad over 7 years, married for 4 years. About 2 years ago we started having problems. He would drInk too much and take things out on me when he was mad at someone else, and I have a big mouth, so of course I would get nasty right back. Then he started putting his hands on me. But when he awake the next day, he would not remember it, and it just got worse.

So I starting going away from the house when he drank. Sometimes even when he was not drinking, just to get away. One day we got into it really bad, and he moved out scared he was going to hurt me. We did not get along at all. He started messing with all kinds of girls, so I moved on an meet this great guy.

He is so good to me and my kids, and he tells me he's in love with me. We been together for 7 months now, so I asked my husband for a divorce, and he gave it to me, and we started talking more an became good friends. But it is so hard because I'm still so in love with him. He slowed way down on his drinking, does not mess with any girls no more, and always wants to take me an our kids out. He told me he's changed, and really misses me, and the only reason he was a **** to me after we split, was because he wanted me to move on, and make myself happy. All he ever wanted was me happy and knows he messed up, and he wants me back and I really want him too. b

But I'm scared it will be the same, and I'm really into this other guy, and I don't know what to do.

You do not have to choose anyone right now. Why should you? Just let the ex be a great dad, and work with him to be great parents for now. Date your guy and have a great time getting to know him, and decide in your own time if there is a future or not.

Your ex will be around as your baby daddy as long as the kids are with you, so why go back to the drunken hell and abuse from before, but appreciate he is trying, but don't give him your love or trust so soon. I would watch him a few YEARS first to see if this is ut a good spell, or if he has indeed conquered his demons.

Time is on your side so YOU keep healing, and your kids, as he does too. My only caution, is 7 months with a stranger is way to soon for you to make a healthy informed decision about any future commitments. There should be absolutely no hurry on your part for any thing but what makes you happy, and healthy, and positive, and don't be pressured by anyone, or anything to rush you into anything before you are completely ready.

Its your time to be happy, and enjoy doing better for yourself. Wait and see for the rest.

Thanks

It is unlikely that your will not be reminded of your feelings of love for your ex-husband as he is so often available to you. It isn't apparent why he started drinking heavily or why he has cut back (obv giving up would have been more preferable): it is possible that if he were back with you the motivation for drinking less will have disappeared and the motvation for heavy drinkng returned. Change is hard, paticularly when we are returned to the same environment, but some people do change but you would need plenty more evidence to be confident. And besides, you have a great guy (by your account) - I would suggest that feelings of love for your husband would probably be there whether it is right or not for you to move on and be with this guy.

I think the advice you were given was excellent: time will reveal more about your relationship with this guy and how your ex-husband performs. That said, I'd like to spare a thought for the hero, I hope that your distraction of your husband doesn't stop you from giving him your best and realising the potential of your relationship with him.

Good luck.

Thank y'all for the advice

I would like to add that, given his problem with alcohol, it would certainly have instilled greater confidence had he gone down some professional route and abstained though that process: it also indicates, imo, a greater commitment to change (which is want you want to happen regardless of whether you ever return to him).