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View Full Version : I am on the verge of beating my parents and break this family apart.


shj0991
Apr 26, 2012, 10:05 PM
I come from a conservative Korean family. My parents are typical UFOs, I am 21 yrs old and going to an expensive college (With FA though).

I have only recently started living here in US. I have been through a lot of hardships because of my Korean background. I had an identity crisis aka late adolescence, because I did not have any time to think about my life when I was in high school. I just found myself becoming a puppet that grows to feeds money to my expectant parents. I did not know who I am, what I wanted to do, and what I should do. I still probably don't. That mental crisis crashed my GPA and so I decided to take a break from school for an year. Then my father decides to take a sabbatical in US and comes over to take me in for the duration of my break. I needed understanding and life consulting, but to them, I'd committed a horrific crime against their expectations. I was made to feel guilty, I couldn't get any real life consulting, and just made to study ahead for the next classes I'm taking. KOREA THE ONLY WAY TO SOLVE ANYTHING IS STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY. My parents have this extremely ed up materialistic Korean mindset. I do NOT want to live my life like they do. I need to grow up, and studying dry information is not the way.

The current and immediate problem right now is their attitude towards me. I need to recuperate and brace myself for the best performance for my returning semester. But these people don't let me do that. They place extreme regulations on what I do, such as totally banning me from any form of gaming, and getting extremely upset when they find me doing it. They verbally berate and threaten me financially, and furiously hit me. I'm not afraid of getting hit on anymore, and they know this so now they try to blackmail me into submission by threatening me financially. So had no choice but to stop my favorite hobby, and resort to very limited late nights. But now they do unbearable things to me, like sneaking into my room and searching for things to scold. This searching behavior has gone too far. They look into my chat logs on my computer and my cell phone messages. They demand my passwords for skype and Facebook and threaten me that they will post on my friends' walls not to interact with me ever again. If there is even a mention of gaming in the logs, they scold me for hours and hours and this makes me get so furious that I am constantly on the verge of doing something terrible to myself and my family.

I decided that I need to move out because of this. But having lived in the US for only two years, I am daunted at the idea. Having lived a life that was so study oriented that I wasn't even given time to go through my puberty, I am pathetically inept at independence. I still need to complete my remaining two years in school, and somehow start living by myself in a new country. What the hell am I supposed to do now. I want to live a fulfilling life, and I just don't see it with these people.

shj0991
Apr 26, 2012, 10:09 PM
Sorry for my poor English. I am not fluent with it as of now.

Wondergirl
Apr 26, 2012, 11:12 PM
If you are smart, you will listen to your parents, stop the sneaking around to post on FB and do the gaming, study and do homework so that your opportunities open up.

I don't understand how you weren't "even given time to go through my puberty." That makes no sense.

I get the feeling you want to do whatever you want to do and have fun and do gaming and goof around on the computer any time you feel like it and have no other responsibilities. Is that true?

Oh, and how old are you?

shj0991
Apr 26, 2012, 11:44 PM
I'm 21 yrs old. And I made a mistake about that puberty thing. English is my 2nd language so I'm not so fluent with it. I meant adolescence. Anyway, I do not mean it that way. I just want to be treated as a human being. I do not post on FB. Most of my day is spent on studying and reading away from the computer and I use what time I have left to enjoy a little, which is frequently to none and about an hour at most. They don't even tolerate that. They go berserk on the slightest hint that I may have played games. They don't tolerate me chatting with friends either. They try to control me too much.

shj0991
Apr 26, 2012, 11:45 PM
If you are smart, you will listen to your parents, stop the sneaking around to post on FB and do the gaming, study and do homework so that your opportunities open up.

I don't understand how you weren't "even given time to go through my puberty." That makes no sense.

I get the feeling you want to do whatever you want to do and have fun and do gaming and goof around on the computer any time you feel like it and have no other responsibilities. Is that true?

Oh, and how old are you?

I'm 21 yrs old. And I made a mistake about that puberty thing. English is my 2nd language so I'm not so fluent with it. I meant adolescence. Anyway, I do not mean it that way. I just want to be treated as a human being. I do not use FB. Most of my day is spent on studying and reading away from the computer and I use what time I have left to enjoy a little, which is frequently to none and about an hour at most. They don't even tolerate that. They go berserk on the slightest hint that I may have played games. They don't tolerate me chatting with friends either, demanding that I stop contacting my friends at all. I meditate and image train myself on how I will do well in the next returning semester, get into fitness and study ahead etc. but they don't stop scolding me. I feel I am doing whatever I can by myself to prepare since they aren't helping me, but they keep making my life miserable over the slightest relaxations I try to have and try to make me feel nervous, which is exactly the opposite of the mindset that I am trying to achieve before my return.

joypulv
May 2, 2012, 11:35 PM
You have 2 other choices besides beating up your parents (strangely childish for 21, since you know it doesn't change anything). You can break off from your dependence on your parent's money and go out on your own like a refugee in a new land. Or you can grit your teeth and get good grades and finish school. Yes, I know that many Americans don't understand the grueling obsession with making children study and succeed in other cultures. And I know your parents don't understand what you are going through mentally.
But you can't have it both ways, financial support AND do what you want. . Like many young people in this or similar situations, you take it or leave it. Your English is excellent so you could go off on your own. Find a menial job and some roommates and have the freedom to do what you want in your spare time. You may get tired of that after a year and wish you were back in school. Good luck with your decision.