I need help getting over a guy. I fall in love with this guy 8 months ago. He's perfect for me and everyone finds us perfect together. However, his family doesn't't like me because he's Chinese and Chinese have this rule about only dating other Chinese. My family is also not that enthusiastic because he's Christian and we're Buddhist. We go to the same school and have been friends since forever and we know each other really well. At first things were going well. His mom knew about our relationship and she was OK and my family was pleased that I was accepted. But problems appear later, especially when his dad and aunts got involved. They were all very against me because I wasn't't Chinese. We broke up for a while but we got back together.

We had so many happy moments together just trying to deny reality and the fact that we'll be forced to break up sooner or later. Well the school year is about to end and we'll be going to different colleges far apart. He made up his mind that we should break up because if we prolong it longer and break up later it will hurt more. His parents are not in good health conditions either and he's the only son among 5 children. In Chinese families sons are really prioritized to carry the heritage and everything. He finds that it his filial duty to obey his parents. In other words, he's not going to go against his family for me and that it is impossible for us to be together. I understand and I don't blame anyone.

But, I'm having a really hard time getting over him. We've decided to officially break up when the school year ends which is in less than a month. I don't know how to prepare for this break up. My finals are close and I just want to stop feeling the pain. Please give me advise. I tried convincing him that we can be optimistic and everything but he doesn't't want to give me false hopes. I agree with him too. I know if we prolong I will get hurt more. Sighs.

Please help me. I am a straight A student and my family prioritizes on my education. Now I just feel like my life is about to end. Sighs. I also tried to take pills once... was unsuccessful.. Nothing happened my mom found out and freaked out.. please help me.

I think its hard knowing things are changing, and it just feels like the end right now because you are disappointed. Don't be. You cannot even begin to heal until things have ended, and you accept it. You blame no one, yet you seek an easy cowardly solution to your pain. Don't do that.

Its time to leave the high school years behind, and its sad with all the memories, and great times, but in time you will get through these feelings and focus on your future, and make even more memories, and have even better times both with friends, and romance, in the future.

That is if you give yourself a chance, and not do something foolish because of a heart break by young love. We all go through this and go through the pain of growing up. So will you.

Thank you for this reply. I just feel that everyone I love leaves me. My dad left when I was in 5th grade and I don't even live with my mom. I was really happy when I met this guy but now he's leaving too. I was frustrated at first because he refused to fight for me. But he can't go against everyone. So I just blamed myself. I have a big final exam on Saturday and I can't even study. I might lose my scholarship if I don't do well. I have no one to talk to. My family will freak out if the find out and my friends don't understand why I'm obsessing so much over one guy.. This is my first time posting things on the internet and I'm really glad I did it. Thank you. I just want someone to understand.

I think just about everyone has lost someone he/she loved because of circumstances, timing, life's twists and turns. I know it's easy for me to say but you have to keep an eye on YOUR future, with or without him, and that includes an education which will allow you to support yourself, whether you have to or not.

And do you know what I've learned about life? Never say never. What isn't right today could very well be right tomorrow.

I understand family pressure. I also know that strings can be pulled when you are in school that cannot be pulled when you are not in school.

I'd heal - hopefully totally, keep an eye on MY future - and never say never.

I tell him things might be different when we're older and I tried to make him not give up. But his mom was a better persuader, she cried and everything so I'm sure a son wouldn't say no to a crying mother... I'm sure he would rather see me cry than see his parents cry... so.. To tell you the truth I don't see what the big deal is about. I'm 25% chinese and we live in the same country, same citizenship. We speak the same language.. But, I just want him to be happy and if I make a fuss about all these things he will just be sad... I'm trying to act happy for him.

These sort of events are so far out of your control, that I can totally understand the feelings of helplessness, and just being overwhelmed by the whole mess of things. Look forward, not back, and do well on your tests, as that's something you can control.

Not easy I know.

I don't know that I would act happy - I'd be true to my thoughts and feelings. "Happy" can be a game.

And, yes, if his mother controls him to this extent, well, maybe (and it pains me to say this) you are better out of the relationship. Will he eventually come to his senses? Maybe - or maybe not.

There's a big difference between parental guidance in school and parental interference when you're not in school.

I used to believe that he will go against all odds for me. If we love each other, anything is possible. But, he's not willing to say no to his parents. I even asked him what if one day your parents are not there anymore. His reply was well I can't say no to my sisters and he has 4 sisters. SO I'm like... OK... But I did not let him know that I was a bit frustrated and disappointed. I don't see the point. We have one month left to enjoy. I don't want him to feel guilty either. I want him to go through with this in the easiest possible way. I don't pretend to be happy when I'm alone. Just in front of him so that he won't feel guilty about leaving me . :) Plus I just console myself with the thought that he's a good and worthy son whereas me lol I'm more rebellious and I would do anything for him.. It's a lesson for me to not be stupid I guess. I feel way better now after crying for some time and drinking a big mug of coffee. :) Thank you for all your advise. If I talk to my family, I will just receive an angry tirade. They will just blame me for being immature and stupid and I will feel worse.

He just lacks the determination for us... His reason is that he doesn't want me to get hurt.. I'm already hurt so I don't see the point. I tell him to not care about me getting hurt and not to give up. I tell him again and again but he just finds the relationship impossible because of our different family values.

He is a young guy who depends on his family for everything, and is focusing on his future, and the life ahead. As well he should be. He has no choice, but to let you go.

Break ups always suck, and sorry, he will not fight for this relationship, it's a losing battle for him. Some day, some one WILL fight for you, but today is not the day, and no matter how it hurts, fact is he is not that fellow.

You have to respect his decision. But it seems like you are already doing so. The love will die after a while of no contact, which I would highly recommend. If you believe that he is the perfect guy then I am guessing you don't know him too well. There will be other "perfect" guys in your life, ones that you will be able to pursue more than just a friendship with.

I will respect his decision as much as it hurts me. :) That's why we decided to break up after school year is over when we won't see each other anymore. It's really hard for me.I've begged him several times not to leave and to make it work. I've decided to follow through with my decision. It's for his own good anyway. I don't want him to have to choose between me and his parents.I've thought about it and yes a part of me wants him to fight for us.. a big part.. but I only bring pain and hurt to his life :) His mom used to be so nice to me when we were friends, she treated me to lunch and gave me lifts, and I repay her kindness by making her cry and taking her son away from her. :) I will try to cope with it :) I'm only 17... :) lolz pretty young for a senior... :) How can I make it easier for him? It will be hard for him. Can you guys give me suggestions to make it easier for him to go away?

I'm not very experienced with relationships you know. I used to be very selfish. You guys can judge me from what I'm about to tell you. I used to call him up at 4 in the morning and get angry with him at least twice a day. Because of me, he would punch the wall, bang his head onto the wall.. all those crazy things... all because of me.. I pushed the limit on Dec 14th, when I asked him to choose between me and his father. We were going to a school dance and his father ask hi to go with him to handle some business affairs. I threatened to break up with him if he didn't come with me to the school dance. He went and begged his dad to go with me.. and that's when things went wrong... His dad got really angry.. I understand why he would be angry of course... that night he tried to break up with me saying that our future will only be met with more sadness and pain. WIth a desperate attempt to get his attention and get him back I tried taking a whole packet of pills.. I vomited everything out and nth happened to me thank god but my mom found out and she told all my relatives and things got worse... We broke up for about a week or two but then we kept seeing each other at school and tuition and we couldn't break up. We got back together and kept it as a secret. I tried to change my personality I stopped demanding unreasonable things. I showed him how much I love him, Imade special presents for him, I wrote poems... I thought if he knew how much I love him, he wouldn't leave me and would maybe fight for me. I was wrong, it drove him further apart. He was overwhelm by guilt that his family brings pain for me. He wanted to stop it for me, for my happiness. I was stubborn and I always found a way to convince him not to break up. He's going to be in Pennsylvania and I'm going to be in DC it's not that far apart.. lol I even checked out flight and train prices for him to come visit. Or vice versa.. :) I thought we could carry on secretly.. and when the time comes when he's independent he can possibly say no to his family. I'm thinking too far ahead I know.it's one of my bad habits lol I just plan ahead and worry for the future. :) Whenever I worry for the future, he gets guiltier and guiltier... and one day we were talking about our Masters Degree.. I'm planning to go on to take my Masters whereas he has to come bak home to continue the family business.. and I questioned him whether he even considered me in his future and that's when he thought it's best to end it... :) I still begged him not to end it.. but reading all your suggestions and comments.. I know what I have to do.. I have to do the right thing however difficult it is.. and for once I have to be selfless :) and consider what's best for him too... I'm going to be in a bad state lol I have AP exams within a week or two.. But, thanks for all the help... I' feel way better and stronger. I just want to give in and beg him not to go, but please help me remain steadfast in my decision. :) sometimes I indulge myself too much.. Once again, thank you all for everything for being understanding and considerate :) I will be prepared for the official break up on the last day of school.

I don't mean to be harsh but it's difficult to take you seriously when your post is filled with smiley faces.

I think you've pushed him if you've researched travel prices. I assume he can do that himself. Perhaps he feels trapped.

I would back off - and the only way to end it is to end all contact, keep busy. It hurts, it's a long process, "we've" all been through it.

Would you really want to engaged in a relationship that is a secret from his family? You would be encouraging hm to lie - and once he gets good at that he could very well start lying to you.

Sorry for the smiley faces. I was crying and I just wanted to keep myself happy. Putting smileys makes me happy. I understand everything now. I'll do the right thing. Thank you all for all your advise. I really appreciate it.

My parents don't know that we're still together. Everyone except a few close friends thinks we broke up long since. Is there no more hope in this relationship? Is it best to follow through and end this? That's what he wants too. I don't mind receiving harsh comments. I received plenty of those from my family already and I know I've made many mistakes that cannot be fixed. I want to do the right thing. I want to let him go too for his sake and for mine. But every time I try, I end up begging him not to leave. .

Today at school, I ended up crying and asking him not to go. I really hate myself. When I see him my rationality just disappears. I know what I have to do but as long as I see him, I can't go through with it. I think when school's over, when I don't see him anymore, I will be able to go through with it. I hope so.