Hi,

I have this college friend of mine who disappeared two years ago, as in she cut off all communications from us. I didn't get a chance to asked her out while we were in college, because I was anti-social, but just this January she popped back in Facebook.

I thought it was my chance to convey my feelings even though its just on FB, I know its lame but there was no way to get in touch with her. She told me that she was with someone, their relationship is unstable. It was her BF that made her close all her social life, No Call, Facebook, etc. except of course for her BF.

She didn't believe me at first, and it was a lot of tries before she actually believed me. She asked if I can wait for her and I said yes. During this I learned that we both are working at the same building, small world.

After a couple of weeks we kept talking through text messaging and it was going well, I asked if I could see her. She agreed and we meet up in a local mall, we hang out and she told me more about their relationship. That her BF never really talked to her and all that, she chose to close her social life but he doesn't seem to care about her in the office. It was as if she was a... I don't know like a display item.

A few more weeks and I asked her out again, we had a good time and I asked her if she was serious about me and she told me she liked me and very serious but she is still in a relationship, and its hard to break up. She also said that I don't have to wait for her, I can find another since she doesn't want me to be bound on her. Well I chose to wait for her.

Last March she finally broke up with him, deep down I was happy for her, knowing that she wasn't happy with the relationship. We kept our communications open but I didn't really want to ask her out yet since she might need more time. But after a few days I did anyway and she agreed, it was going very well I can see she is very happy and that made my day. I dropped her off at her house, during the ride she was smiling and giggling. Telling me she didn't expect that we would go this far, I don't know what she meant, and asked me if I was okay with her. I said yes of course.

There on I thought it was going very well. But there is a hiccup. She asked me to meet her after work. I was euphoric, unknown to me what happened. When I saw her, she was down and sad. We go to a local café and she told me what happened.

Her ex was hanging out with a bisexual male, that this bi male is spreading weird rumors about her in the office, which isn't true. And she can't believe that she was replaced by a mere fag. I was at a loss for words, she was crying and I couldn't hold her, because I think she might get the wrong idea. I could only tell her that its going to be all right. She even jokingly told me she might become a lesbian, that was a joke but I thought it was serious at that moment.

After a few hours, we have series of text message:
Me: I can't bear it for you to be lesbian, cause I have feelings for you.
Her: that lesbian thing was a joke to lift my spirit.
Me: Ahh is that so, BTW do you want to hangout this weekend?

It was not until the next day she replied:
Her: No, I think you should find another woman, Thank you but sorry. I will also cancel our future appointments. -We were supposed to watch a movie together.
Me: what happened?
Her: Its complicated, but thank you
Me: All right I will let you sort it out, but know that I am always here for you.
Me: I just realized I might have been too pushy. I won't bother you again.

We didn't have any more communication after this.

I don't understand it, I asked my friends and they told me that I should give her space to sort it out.

Later she texted me again saying sorry about it. I hold off a few days before asking her out again, but after I asked her she told me she got back with her ex. I am dumbfounded by this. She tells me she really did have fun being with me and she is stupid for getting back to him.

So my question is was I in the wrong? Was she using me? Maybe I should just leave the scene and move on? I don't know If I should trust her for now. I think... I don't know.

I wanted to list ALL the mistakes you made, but the list got to long. So I will say you were VERY wrong and volunteered to be an emotional tampon, to a seriously tramatized female. She didn't use you, she needed a friend, but it was YOU who chose to ignore all that and thought during her dire times she would give you what you wanted, time, attention, AND above all a commitment for romance.

You tried to use her, but it didn't work. So don't be mad for your own actions, take responsibility for your own par in this failed attempt at LOVE!

I just have to ask what were you thinking confessing feelings of love to a female with a boyfriend in the first place?? That's where YOU started this screwed up situation.

Your answer is a slap in my face, a wake up call. Subconsciously my thoughts were almost the same as yours but didn't want to accept it. But I guess your correct.

I wasn't really thinking at that point in time, maybe I was conceited enough to think that everything is will go smoothly. You may call it hubris.

I am going apologize to her and tell her to forget about me. I guess I still am immature on these things.

Just one question, when she said she liked me does that signify anything?

I am going apologize to her and tell her to forget about me. I guess I still am immature on these things.

Just one question, when she said she liked me does that signify anything?

No you aren't, you will bow out gracefully from her life with no apology, just leave her alone. And yes she likes you, but she is to busy to have it mean more.

Trust me on this.

It is time to move on, she is not ready for a relationship and if she was she doesn't show interest in you.

I think it was very sweet for you to be there for her but I think you have more feelings towards her then she does you. You do need to move on, someone is out there needing you and it isn't her. God gives you someone at the right time and place of your life so don't rush it and enjoy life. She will come to you when she is supposed to. I wouldn't X her out of your life but move on and just be a friend to her.