Hello,

I met this guy five months ago, we started talking regularly, then we started getting closer, after like four months he said he is not ready for a relationship, he prefers to have me around as his friend to support him, as he is going through this tough patch where he is setting up his new company and all. That was fine with me, then in a month, things escalated emotionally and it felt like a relationship, where he was asking me things about my past relationships and how he is looking for someone to be his future wife and he was serious, and I know he wasn't lying.

We went out after him pushing me to and we were acting as if we were in a relationship, next he sends me that I need to understand that he came out of a very long relationship a few months ago and this was the first time he goes out with someone "else" in over 7 years, and he doesn't want to rush into anything! And that he somehow forgot how emotionally demanding relationships can be and he doesn't know if he wants to have that again now.

At this specific moment in time of starting a new company, and it has nothing to do with me. I don't know what's next for me.. Saying it is really a turning point in his life and doesn't know what will happen next! And that he said this a few weeks ago and then things started escalating emotionally and all of a sudden this feels like a new relationship, which shouldn't be at this point in time. If anything, it should be a friendship period. And asking me to please think of it in the mind of a 32 year old guy who's at a MAJOR turning point in his life. And he is interested that hasn't changed. And All what he was trying to tell me is that he doesn't want to be in a relationship status now. But maybe in a couple of weeks things will be different!

I overreacted since he said this after we went out for the first time. I don't know what to do now, I cannot treat him like a friend, I am not talking to him much, neither is he, I really lashed out at him since I was telling him all the time that I am not ready for a relationship either, I just hated his timing how he flipped plus saying that he wants me to be his friend! Should I wait around? Or is it a hopeless case? I am 25 years soon to turn 26 and he's soon to turn 32.

Straighten me out but I think YOU over reacted. Maybe it was the assumptions after this,


That was fine with me, then in a month, things escalated emotionally and it felt like a relationship, where he was asking me things about my past relationships and how he is looking for someone to be his future wife and he was serious, and I know he wasn't lying.

If you cannot handle your own feelings and take the risk of finding out whether its hopeless or not, then you entirely missed the point of friendship, and dating to get to know each other, and evaluate what is possible.

Maybe its YOU that's NOT ready, because he seems honest, reasonable, and serious to me. I mean even if you don't get married in May, or June, it still could be a fun dating experience, or great life long friendship. Maybe you expected too much to soon, IDK!!

I know I might have overreacted and expected more than I should, but he was treating my like his girlfriend and talking to me all the time like one, called more than five times a day and sent endless texts, with an hour-long phonecall every night before I sleep. Then in one day, he flipped completely and now treats me as an ordinary friend, he said we can still talk to each other but cannot get attached, and that we need to neutralize our feelings a little bit and that he does not want things to get more complicated and we both end up more hurt. I just cannot fathom how someone can flip from being super attached and like someone hell out to treating them like this overnight. Was he acting before? I am just contemplating now, whether to stick around and treat him like a friend (which is really hurting me, having to step on my feelings all the time and pretend like I don't give a damn) or just walk away completely and hoping he'd come around when he is ready. What do you think?

What are your intentions towards this guy?

What are your intentions towards this guy?

I see him as a potential future husband. He has everything that I want in a guy, except his uncertainty of course. I am not ready either, but that does not mean we should degrade this into an emotionless, formal friendship. He was the one who kept saying we need to start going out at least once a week and get to know each other more and I was the one who is not ready and I still am not, I just want us to move slowly forward not backward!

I see him as a potential future husband. He has everything that I want in a guy, except his uncertainty of course. I am not ready either, but that does not mean we should degrade this into an emotionless, formal friendship. He was the one who kept saying we need to start going out at least once a week and get to know each other more and I was the one who is not ready and I still am not, I just want us to move slowly forward not backward!

Have you considered telling him just that?

Have you considered telling him just that?

No I cannot, this would think that I am pushing him towards it or this is what I am expecting from him, which will scare him off.

Well, he's not a mind reader. How would he know what you expect from him if you don't tell him. I think you should tell him that and not play games with each other, that way everything is out in the open. If it scares him off, then I guess he is not the potential husband you think he is.

Well, he's not a mind reader. How would he know what you expect from him if you dont tell him. I think you should tell him that and not play games with each other, that way everything is out in the open. If it scares him off, then i guess he is not the potential husband you think he is.

I realize he is not a mind-reader but trust me, I cannot, if I knew this is going to make things better and not worse, I would have said that, but I know him, and I do know how this is going to make him feel.

Thanks for clarifying this situation with more info as it seems you both have overdone this a bit, and maybe this is but a test to see if you can overcome it, or flounder away from each other through miscommunications.

Would it help to see this as a START of communicating to define a way forward, by being honest, so neither of you has to presume, or assume, what's on each others mind, or the pace that things can proceed that you both are comfortable with?

The mark of a good couple is how well they deal with the challenges and obstacles life throws at them. Not just the fancy dates, parties, and good times.

Thanks for clarifying this situation with more info as it seems you both have overdone this a bit, and maybe this is but a test to see if you can overcome it, or flounder away from each other thru miscommunications.

Would it help to see this as a START of communicating to define a way forward, by being honest, so neither of you has to presume, or assume, whats on each others mind, or the pace that things can proceed that you both are comfortable with?

I clearly told him that I am unable to treat him like a friend, I don't have a switch on/off button to do that, he is obviously keeping his distance, not contacting me like before, and now it feels awkward for me contacting him! Like he is really cold even when I send him something, it's really hard going from good night my princess to goodnight! You know what I mean? I think I was really clear that I do not like this, we dealing with other like that. I am not sure what to do now. :(

Most couple that are still willing to pursue things together after a bump in the road, make adjustments, by setting boundaries and rules as how to proceed. When neither of you is wlling to budge from your positions then its time to move on, and recognize it was nice while it lasted, but the experiment just didn't work.

No hard feelings, no blame. So now what? If there is no agreement, then there is no point. Right? Let the dust settle and see what cooler heads come up with. Never know.

I think maybe you are trying to move things too quickly. He had a bad relationship and although he likes you he is still getting used to dating again, if you like him you are going to have to move at his pace. He is being honest with you and your impulsive nature of moving things along is getting in the way of having a good relationship with him. Calm down, takes things slow, and everything will be all right. Failed to do so, and you will end this relationship for rushing him.