ponylover
Apr 21, 2012, 10:54 AM
I am 15 and I am very skinny for my age. Until a few months ago I ate the normal amount someone should and did lots of exercise (I ride everyday) but suddenly, I can't even remember how it happened, I thought I was fat. At that time I only weighed 42kg and my doctor said I was on the end of the scale for my age, but not underweight. But every time I looked in the mirror, especially after I had eaten all I could see was a humongous sticky out bloated stomach. So I ate less. I cut down from 2 pieces of toast for breakfast to 1. I had no snacks and smaller lunches. Sometimes I only had a lettuce leaf for dinner. My weight dropped to 38.4kg and my mum and dad started to worry when I called up very night from boarding school in tears because I was scared I had eaten too much. I felt tired all the time and my spots grew worse. Like I said, I had always been very skinny and I always has cold hands and feet and you could see things like my hip bones, but my bones became more noticeable and that was when I realised I was anorexic. I didn't care, all I wanted was to be thinner. But suddenly it dawned on me what I was doing to myself, I tried to eat more but every time I ate more all I could see was a fat weirdo girl, a couple of times I tried to make myself sick. I do eat more now, I love food and weaken at it, but I still calorie count and try to not eat enough. At the moment I am eating under 1200 calories a day, and it makes me happy to think that I am not eating enough. What can I do? I want to be able to eat again without looking in the mirror and regretting it every time, but I also don't want to put on weight. I hate it so much!