Hi (I'd like to thank people for their help in advance, I'm very grateful to you for listening).

My problem is an odd one and I'm mostly sharing my problem because I feel an emotional need to; hopefully I can explain fully.

I've been living with three guys for the past two years while in college. When we first started living together it was okay; we all seemed to get along and they seemed nice. I even counted them as friends. Slowly, one by one they started to be nasty and make snide comments. All of these comments were masked with hints of sarcasm and humour, but it was never very clear if they were being serious or not.

Then, particularly in the second year, comments got nastier and less of an effort was made to laugh them off as jokes. A few times they would shout at me or get angry at me for nothing. Once, I acted surprised at one of their favourite films and the person shouted at me and told me to stop talking to them, they wouldn't even look me in the face and I apologised several times for upsetting them. One of them in particular, made fun of me all the time. He would pick up on every little thing that I did or said or ate or wore.

For awhile now, its gotten so bad that all I do is stay in my room. When I enter the public areas in the house (kitchen or sitting room) I can't help but breath a sigh of relief when I find that they're not there.

They exclude me and they've made me cry on several occasion, but I've done that less and less. One time, encouraged by my boyfriend to do so, I confronted them and was very upset. Things were better for a short while, but they never actually said "sorry".

They've made the last two years of my college life complete hell. They've emotional broken me down and destroyed my confidence. I've confided in my boyfriend, sister and a few of my friends how I feel. They've told me, these people have low self-esteem, It's not me, I've been told these guys fancy me, etc as a way of explaining the treatment.

I've looked in on myself and tried to think what I could do to stop it or to see if it was my fault in some way. But to be completely honest, I've never had a problem like this before, usually people get on with me, I like a laugh, I never complain about the house being dirty (which it always is), I'm nice and patient with everyone. I really don't think its something I'm doing.

I try and put it out of my head, and college is nearing an end so I don't think I can change anything now. But, I need help getting over the emotional abuse (its the only way I can describe it) that I've suffered for the last two years. I have no confidence and I'm crippled by the whole ordeal. It's all I can think about.

I would love if someone could give me advice on why they think this happened and how I can move on and forget it and start building my confidence?

Thanks so much

The only thing I can suggest is that, when they make the snide comments and are quite nasty,. although it hurts... agree with them and laugh, never let them see the anger and sadness, in a sense you are standing up to them, but once they realise they cannot hurt you by what they are saying, because you laugh with them... I really hope this stops, boys are more immature than us girls so, please don't let them get to you, they will eventually get bored I'm sure xxx

It seems odd to me that this happened for no reason BUT if it did and you are having difficulty coping or with yourself confidence, you need to talk to a mental health professional.

How many more weeks of College do you have left?

the only thing i can suggest is that, when they make the snide comments and are quite nasty,........although it hurts......agree with them and laugh, never let them see the anger and sadness, in a sense you are standing up to them, but once they realise they cannot hurt you by what they are saying, because you laugh with them.....i really hope this stops, boys are more immature than us girls so, please dont let them get to you, they will eventually get bored im sure xxx


I personally think this will make it worse - agree with them and laugh when they are nasty toward you? Then they'll turn it around to the OP ageeing with them and it will get worse from there.

I don't see this as helpful. Sorry.

It seems odd to me that this happened for no reason BUT if it did and you are having difficulty coping or with yourself confidence, you need to talk to a mental health professional.

I promise you, that I did nothing to them at any time. I have always been kind and patient towards them, despite their behaviour towards me. I didn't want to talk to a professional, that's why I posted this on this site

I promise you, that I did nothing to them at any time. I have always been kind and patient towards them, despite their behaviour towards me. I didn't want to talk to a professional, that's why I posted this on this site


I don't know that having other people guess at a solution is helpful when you state that yourself confidence is shaken.

Maybe they are mean to you because they can be mean to you - it happens and it hurts.

Maybe they are mean to you because they can be mean to you - it happens and it hurts.

True this. Thanks for your help

I think people (I see it in women, but I'm sure it happens to men) often turn to pack animal mentality. "We" are friends and you are on the outside. Then you and I are friends and "they" are on the outside.

I never understand - and I managed a law firm - why the support staff was so rude to new people when they had been through it themselves. You'd think that would teach you kindness - but it doesn't always.

... my friend, I have been on both sides of similar situation. I can tell you 1 major fact, no one has right to demean, harass, belittle you! But, knowingly or not, by not standing up for yourself,

~oops, con't~by not standing up for yourself, you gave them that "power"(permission)... as I've discovered on my Spiritual journey,. 'if you won't make stand on where/who/what you are, you can't be trusted with what is your personal values... thus you will fall for/into anything.. " .Make committment to your own well-being & peace, learn who you are & who "rules" your life.. stop wallowing in past, its done, take responsibility for.today, your future! I promise, you will begin to live & even love yourself enough to be OK with everything that conflicts with your acceptance! Keep the faith & don't be so torn... You are awesomely made, special, unique---that is great enough to stand on your own two feet! The haters will get whatever they deserve, don't worry your pretty head about it! Forgive them that I where I had to start too.. good luck & God Bless, A friend.

Why after the first or second year did you not move, just find somewhere else to live. I lived with a couple people in the past, it was bad, I just moved, heck with the lease, let them sue me, did not care just wanted out.