My question sounds really horrible, I know but let me explain. We were due to be married which is now on hold, because of this, and we have a baby on the way. We had just moved into a house, but my partner is staying at his dads because his mother has recently passed. He works all week so I've only seen him for about an hour at a time the past few weeks.

He normally goes to the pub at weekends and spent all the Easter holidays out with friends in the pub, which I don't mind, however the next weekend we were going to have a night in as we hadn't done for a while (I haven't been well and as I said I'm pregnant so we stay in).

He was on his way over when his friend (female who he thinks is perfect) rings and asks him to meet her instead for a few, and he does. They then end up in town after more than a few. He left me sitting there all night crying to myself because he wouldn't come home. When he finally came back at half one in the morning after a few to many, I asked why I was only worth an hour of his time, and why he'd dumped me to go out with this other woman? To which he replied "she will always be more than you you are just pregnant to me".

Of course now he says that I'm his number one, but she has always been a friend and always will be. So I said being very angry, you spent your only free time with her instead of spending it with me, if you want to keep her then you lose me, and the kids (got a 2 more). And he said he'll never tell this other woman that he's not going to be her friend, so he'll never come back. For the kids sake I've had to give in, and let him back, but I told him to keep her away.

I don't think things have happened between them, but I will never be happy when he goes out with her, and it is always going to start arguments. I'd rather just get rid of this woman, and have my family back.

For the kid's sake? Don't use them as a excuse. Him being a father and him being your partner are too different things. You should break up with a man that puts you second, and live your life with YOUR kids.

For the kid's sake? Don't use them as a excuse. Him being a father and him being your partner are too different things. You should break up with a man that puts you second, and live your life with YOUR kids.

He says he only said it because he was angry and had been drinking he insists hel never do it again I don't want to lose him I think he shouldn't speak to her again but he says I carnt control who his friends are

He screwed up, and you screwed up by talking to a drunk in the first place. This doesn't seem to be an issue before so take him at his word for now, and have a healthy baby, and let him have his friends. Why aren't you at least on talking terms with his female friend? Maybe that's something to do when you have a healthy child.

You should give him another chance. Slow things down with him. Give him time to get back on his senses. Maybe he's scared because of the marriage thing. Focus on your baby. Good luck.

He screwed up, and you screwed up by talking to a drunk in the first place. This doesn't seem to be an issue before so take him at his word for now, and have a healthy baby, and let him have his friends. Why aren't you at least on talking terms with his female friend? Maybe thats something to do when you have a healthy child.


Its how he put this friend before me that is an issue as well I've been left to gut and decorate a new house while pregnant so not only does he not spend time with me he doesn't even help me. The fact he doesn't spend more than hour here was an issue before that's why I was so annoyed when he went out when he was surpost to be spending some time here

Not saying I wouldn't be PO'ed to, but what's this distance thing that only allows him an hour? I don't quite understand this even though I recognize you both have a lot going on.

Make friends with this new women; find out their relationship first before making a decision?

Tell him that he has to show the change, sorry, no he does not go out drinking with his friends every weekend if he is going to be married and has a baby on the way, or you go with him with other couples, you stop doing couples things.

He never goes out drinking with another women, his actions tells you what he fells about you and it sounds like he was clear about it.

So perhaps he has a drinking issue that needs to be dealt with. If you were to go out drinking with a male friend what would he think,

Time to talk, set some rules and if they can not be done where both agree, time to move on and stop wasting your time, or married life will be you at home with the baby and he at the bar with friends and other ladies.

You should read a book by Matt Huston - Get him back forever, well its mainly for people who broke up, but also to prevent it and you will know how to keep your man for good, and how to be the girl he has fallen in love with at the beginning. It helped me a lot. Then when you know what to do, you can easily make him put more interest into you than his friends.

Maybe for the quick advice, to gain your value in his eyes again, you should not cry and be desperate over him. That's what he expects. He will only see that he completely has you, and who is interested in something he already has? You have to show him that value you have inside, by showing him you are strong enough to be without him for a while. I know that is hard because right now you have strong feelings towards him. But try to be happy and enjoy yourself, don't be too needy, because he will only lose interest. Be a bit independent, go out with friends more do some sport or hobby. He will see that you are perfectly fine and confident while he is not around and that will punch him right into his face. Trust me, he will expect you to be desperate and sad, because he knows he has you. And what you already completely have has no value for you. He takes you for granted. If you show him your other side, your strong happy and independent side he will pay more attention to you in fear of losing you. Try to remember yourself when you started dating. Who was the one trying, chasing and looking for contact? I am sure many things changed, you started to hang on him more often, you started losing your confidence without him, you were afraid to lose him. You think that by pulling him closer and fixing him close to you he will value you more and stay forever. That is a very big mistake. If you think about it this way, in evolution women were always the onse to select a right mate and men were the ones to show to fight for them, to try to persuade them to choose them. Never lose the role of a selector. You have to gain your real feminine position again. And what you accually have to do is very counter intuitive. You have to push him a bit away. Because he is now pushing you away, you are trynig tu pull him closer to you. You have to turn the tables. You want him to feel rejected, to feel exactly like you feel, so he can start pulling you to him. So don't pull, you have to start pushing a bit. You will gain that beautiful balance that was there from the start. I don't want to go into many details, If you really want detailed help you should read that book by matt huston, you will gain advantage over your boyfriend and will feel better about yourself. You shouldn't to anything before you read it.

Also books by John Gray are very good if you want to understand what's going on in males and females brains and between them, and how to understand each other and have a fullfilling and long lasting relationship. You may have heard of Men are from mars and women are from venus. This book is good for starting, but first please turn to Matt Huston. Then when you have more time you can look for more literature on topic. It really bothers me that we are given many information about math and history and other crap in schools and no one teaches us about relationships. So as all the other thing in this way we must learn too... Thats only my advice... sorry for grammar my mother language is not english. And don't feel bad :) you are much better, than you think right now :)