Can I and if so adopt my boyfriends son my boyfriend has 100% legal custody of son, biological mom has no legal rights and is not in child's life?

1. Get married
2. Get biological mother's permission
3. Get a lawyer
4. Go to court

1. Get married
2. Get biological mother's permission
3. Get a lawyer
4. Go to court

Actually, I suggest that those things be done in this order:

1.
3.
2.
4.

In other words, getting the bio-mom's permission will probably be necessary, but she will also have to sign the proper forms. So, with asisstance of an attorney, it would be best to have the proper forms ready.

What makes you think she has no rights?

ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area.

I don't think she has no rights, I know she don't, she has been in tons of trouble robbing an old lay, trouble with drugs etc... so my boyfriend got a lawyer years ago and went to court and he got awarded 100% custody, so she has no rights, she pays no child support and has no visitation rights, she has not been in his life since shortly after he was 1 or so..

Actually, I suggest that those things be done in this order:

1.
3.
2.
4.

In other words, getting the bio-mom's permission will probably be necessary, but she will also have to sign the proper forms. So, with asisstance of an attorney, it would be best to have the proper forms ready.

Ok ty, so even though she has no rights at all, she would still have to sign papers ? Ok then I'll never be able to adopt him them, because she won't do that. She's a druggy user in and out of jail all the time don't work so even if she knows I'm a better person/mother for him she won't ever sign any papers to do any such thing. I just didn't think she had to sign anything being as she don't ever see him cux she has no legal rights to, judge awarded full custody to my boyfriend, well thanks.

I dont think she has no rights, I know she dont, she has been in tons of trouble robbing an old lay, trouble with drugs etc... so my boyfriend got a lawyer years ago and went to court and he got awarded 100% custody, so she has no rights, she pays no child support and has no visitation rights, she has not been in his life since shortly after he was 1 or so..

His being awarded 100% custody does NOT mean that she doesn't have any rights. Have you actually seen the court order? Unless you have seen the actual court order, you don't "know" anything for sure. If the court order did state that he has 100% custody, then her rights were NOT terminated. Courts are very reluctant to terminate parental rights because of situations like this. They will hold out the possibility that the mother rehabilitates herself and changes her life. So they won't terminate rights, but just suspend her rights by giving 100% legal and physical custody to the other parent. But this leaves open the possibility of her petitioning for some level of visitation if she can prove rehabilitation. Again we need to know your general locale to know what laws apply.

If, however, the courts did issue a TPR, then there would be no necessity for her to agree to the adoption. So your boyfriend needs to get the original court papers and bring them to the attorney processing the adoption to know for sure. However, her agreement may not be necessary if she is considered a danger to the child. If she does nothing, then the courts are likely to grant the adoption by default. If she actively refuses to agree and goes to court to protest, the courts may override her objections if she is unfit.

I can understand your confusion, but there are some fine points of law here that you aren't knowledgeable about. Which is why getting a lawyer should be the second, maybe first thing you should do.

Yes he has the original paper work, court papers stating he has full custody etc.. Bio mom was and still is to this day unfit. From TN

Ok, still different, 100 percent or full custody both legal and custody does not mean mother does not have any rights, If she has been declared unfit, she could still have rights to supervised visits if she hire an attorney and asked for it.

He will still have to get her to sign ( with what little has been said here and the wording of it) or go back to court and use all of this to have rights taken away, merely not having visits because they were not asked for ( supervised visits) and not paying child suport, does not mean still she has no rights what so ever.

Even unfit mothers change and go back to court after years to get visitation given back.

Ok, still different, 100 percent or full custody both legal and custody does not mean mother does not have any rights, If she has been declared unfit, she could still have rights to supervised visits if she hire an attorney and asked for it.

He will still have to get her to sign ( with what little has been said here and the wording of it) or go back to court and use all of this to have rights taken away, merely not having visits because they were not asked for ( supervised visits) and not paying child suport, does not mean still she has no rights what so ever.

Even unfit mothers change and go back to court after years to get visitation given back.

Yes I know people can change, but she still has not after all these years and she prob won't. Thanks

If you can PROVE that she is a danger to the child, you MAY be able to get the court to agree to involuntarily terminate her parental rights... but you have to PROVE that she is a DANGER to the child. This is why getting a lawyer is so very important.

But please note that the FIRST step is getting married. No court is likely to award parental rights to someone who isn't first willing to make a legal commitment to the other parent. In other words---why would the court give a permanent legal connection to a child to YOU if the child's PARENT isn't willing to make that permanent legal commitment to you?

If you can PROVE that she is a danger to the child, you MAY be able to get the court to agree to involuntarily terminate her parental rights....but you have to PROVE that she is a DANGER to the child. This is why getting a lawyer is so very important.

But please note that the FIRST step is getting married. No court is likely to award parental rights to someone who isn't first willing to make a legal commitment to the other parent. In other words---why would the court give a permanent legal connection to a child to YOU if the child's PARENT isn't willing to make that permanent legal commitment to you?

LOL, OK he is and we are planning to get married

You do not understand the Court Order. If she had NO rights the Order would say that - that she was stripped of her rights. The Order appears to say she has no visitation and, of course, does not have custody.

I'm reading you have to be married to adopt - the Court takes the position that if you cannot commit to each other you cannot commit to raising a child together.

How did your boyfriend get involved with this person and have a child with her?

If you can prove a lasting relationship with your boyfriend, as well as having a profound and loving relationship with his son, as well as enthusiasm to support him, yes. I can recommend a few good Lawyers if you need any. How long have you known him? What are your reasons for adopting him? Think through these questions before answering, a child is a huge and lasting responsibility!
All the best of luck x

Yes he has the original paper work, court papers stating he has full custody etc.. bio mom was and still is to this day unfit. from TN

Okay, I am from TN as well. Custody and parental rights are two totally different things. It's like comparing apples to oranges. Just because he has custody doesn't mean that the mother doesn't have rights when it comes to certain things like making medical decisions in an emergent situation such as life saving situations for example.

Also, in TN, you must be married for at least a year for a court to approve an adoption. You see, a court is not going to approve something so committed as an adoption of a child if you and your significant other are not committed enough to marry each other.


If you can prove a lasting relationship with your boyfriend, as well as having a profound and loving relationship with his son, as well as enthusiasm to support him, yes. I can recommend a few good Lawyers if you need any. How long have you known him? What are your reasons for adopting him? Think through these questions before answering, a child is a huge and lasting responsibility!
All the best of luck x

I understand you are in England, however this is in the USA and very few places will grant an adoption unless there is a marriage that has lasted a year or more first. It has nothing to do with a "profound and loving relationship" or "enthusiasm to support him."

How can you recommend a "few good Lawyers" if you are in England and the OP is in the USA?

If you can prove a lasting relationship with your boyfriend, as well as having a profound and loving relationship with his son, as well as enthusiasm to support him, yes. I can recommend a few good Lawyers if you need any. How long have you known him? What are your reasons for adopting him? Think through these questions before answering, a child is a huge and lasting responsibility!
All the best of luck x

I can get my own lawyer, thank you though, and fyi I'm not a kid I'm a 38yr old adult, My reasoning for adopting him ? That's sounds kind of dumb to ask that, but I love my stepson and his father, I am good role model/mother figure for him, I never swear in front of any child and I don't believe in beating/spanking children either, I love him and he loves me, I would make a good mom to any child, just because a female lays down to give birth, doesn't make her a "mom" or "mother" any female can do that, a mom/mother WANTS to be in the child's life and supports child any way she can, she guides him through life, takes care of him, loves him unconditionally, etc... So it takes more than just giving birth in my eyes anyway to be able to be recognized as a mom/mother.

You do not understand the Court Order. If she had NO rights the Order would say that - that she was stripped of her rights. The Order appears to say she has no visitation and, of course, does not have custody.

I'm reading you have to be married to adopt - the Court takes the position that if you cannot commit to each other you cannot commit to raising a child together.

How did your boyfriend get involved with this person and have a child with her?

I don't see why that's relavant how they met and what happened under what circumstances, point is she gave birth, left him home alone locked him in room while she went out and did drugs, plus a lot of things, my boyfriend got awarded rights/custody as courts determined she is unfit and has no legal rights, she has no say so where they move to, what school he goes to nothing

Not having any say, is the legal custody issue, him having 100 percent legal custody is not the same as she having no rights, it may sound like it to you, but sorry in court as long as she has the right to file motions in the future then there are rights.

And yes how she lost custody and legal custody may well be an issue and have to be re-hashed in court to prove that the adoption will be in the best interest of the child.

I dont see why thats relavant how they met and what happened under what circumstances, point is she gave birth, left him home alone locked him in room while she went out and did drugs, plus alot of things, my boyfriend got awarded rights/custody as courts determined she is unfit and has no legal rights, she has no say so where they move to, what school he goes to nothing

You refuse to understand this despite several people telling you the same thing. One more time; Your boyfriend having 100% custody does NOT mean she has no rights. It does mean, she would have to go to court to prove she has changed and to exercise her rights. But it doesn't mean she doesn't have any.

This also means she has to be contacted to approve the adoption. It doesn't mean she will be able to stop it if she refuses, but it just makes it a bit more complicated.

Look we are on your side. We think you are a very good person for caring for your boyfriend's child and wanting to adopt. We think that's great and want it to go through. But you have to understand that you have adhere to the law in doing so. You have make the adoption airtight legally. And we are trying to get you to understand what that involves.

If you can prove a lasting relationship with your boyfriend, as well as having a profound and loving relationship with his son, as well as enthusiasm to support him, yes. I can recommend a few good Lawyers if you need any. How long have you known him? What are your reasons for adopting him? Think through these questions before answering, a child is a huge and lasting responsibility!
All the best of luck x

As you are new here you may not understand some of the standards we have in answering legal questions. Such questions need to adhere to statutory law. The OP stated she was from TN and your answer was NOT accurate according to TN law. Please make sure of the accuracy of your responses.

You refuse to understand this despite several people telling you the same thing. One more time; Your boyfriend having 100% custody does NOT mean she has no rights. It does mean, she would have to go to court to prove she has changed and to exercise her rights. But it doesn't mean she doesn't have any.

This also means she has to be contacted to approve the adoption. It doesn't mean she will be able to stop it if she refuses, but it just makes it a bit more complicated.

Look we are on your side. We think you are a very good person for caring for your boyfriend's child and wanting to adopt. We think that's great and want it to go through. But you have to understand that you have adhere to the law in doing so. You have make the adoption airtight legally. And we are trying to get you to understand what that involves.
OK then thank you, I understand, she will not aprove of another female adopting him, not just me be no one, even though she is unfit, she will be difficult because that's how she is, she prob wouldn't even go to court anyway, sure she has warrants out, well I guess it really don't matter that I can't adopt him or won't be able too, because we 3 are a family, and I'll always be here for him no matter what, whether I adopted him, I'm more of a mother to him than her or anyone else ever has been. That's OK, he's still my stepson, and I will always look at him and treat him as if he were my own son. Thanks again.

Yes I am English.
And I do know a few American lawyers, so I am not completely wrong.


Okay, I am from TN as well. Custody and parental rights are two totally different things. It's like comparing apples to oranges. Just because he has custody doesn't mean that the mother doesn't have rights when it comes to certain things like making medical decisions in an emergent situation such as life saving situations for example.

Also, in TN, you must be married for at least a year for a court to approve an adoption. You see, a court is not going to approve something so committed as an adoption of a child if you and your significant other are not committed enough to marry each other.



I understand you are in England, however this is in the USA and very few places will grant an adoption unless there is a marriage that has lasted a year or more first. It has nothing to do with a "profound and loving relationship" or "enthusiasm to support him."

How can you recommend a "few good Lawyers" if you are in England and the OP is in the USA?

If you can prove a lasting relationship with your boyfriend, as well as having a profound and loving relationship with his son, as well as enthusiasm to support him, yes. I can recommend a few good Lawyers if you need any. How long have you known him? What are your reasons for adopting him? Think through these questions before answering, a child is a huge and lasting responsibility!
All the best of luck x


I realize you have come back and posted you are not incorrect - you do know Attorneys in the US who can get this adoption accomplished for an unmarried couple when the birth mother will not consent.

You ARE "completely wrong." I am not aware of any Attorney who can trump the State Law. The Laws are in place for a reason. I stated that reason.

AMHD does not allow off the board contact and/or professional recommendations.

Please - when you post on the legal Boards make sure you are correct and aren't giving false hope or downright incorrect/illegal advice.

... yes. I can recommend a few good Lawyers if you need any. ...

Don't do that. To do so would be, as I understand it, a violation of this forum's rules against advertizing, giving out personal contact details, etc.

Don't worry, she doesn't need one x

Don't worry, she doesn't need one x

No I guess I don't, just wanted to find out what other people know about situation that's all, I'm not going to pursue anything to adopt him, too many people have stated she has rights and she would have a say so or whatever so I'll just leave it alone. Im still going to be his mommy anyway. Thank you

Don't do that. To do so would be, as I understand it, a violation of this forum's rules against advertizing, giving out personal contact details, etc.


Yes, you are correct - it's against policy. Too bad no one else actually reads the policy before posting. Would save everyone a lot of time and trouble.

Don't worry, she doesn't need one x

It is obvious from your answers you have no idea of US law. And so you know some attorneys I know a rocket scientist but would not start to tell you how rockets are made.

Your answers are very wrong and can be harmful legally if followed, We pride ourselves on very legally based answers. Please do not post on legal boards unless you have the knowledge from them.

ok then thank you, i understand, she will not aprove of another female adopting him, not just me be noone, even tho she is unfit, she will be difficult because thats how she is, she prob wouldnt even go to court anyway, sure she has warrants out, well i guess it really dont matter that i can't adopt him or wont be able too, because we 3 are a family, and i'll always be here for him no matter what, whether or not i adopted him, im more of a mother to him than her or anyone else ever has been. Thats ok, he's still my stepson, and i will always look at him and treat him as if he were my own son. thanks again.

First, I'm sure you are a family and that you are more of a mother to him than she has ever been. But I don't get where you think you won't be able to adopt. We've been trying to tell you that the likelihood is that the courts WILL approve an adoption as long as you do it right. If she is properly served and does not show up, the courts will grant it. Even if she DOES show up and EVEN if she refuses to allow the adoption, I think the courts will approve it as long as you can show that she's unfit and that you are a family.


No I guess I dont, just wanted to find out what other ppl know bout situation thats all, im not gonna pursue anything to adopt him, too many ppl have stated she has rights and she would have a say so or whatever so i'll just leave it alone. Im still gonna be his mommy anyway. thank you

So please don't despair here. Get yourself married, and start shopping for an attorney. The attorney will tell you what you have to do to get this through. I'm confident that if you follow the attorney's advice it will work out.

Yes I am English.
And I do know a few American lawyers, so I am not completely wrong.

That's not where we are saying you were wrong. You implied that as long as she was in a long term living relationship she could adopt. Where the law says different.

I'm bothered that you came back to argue the point. That's not what we are about here. We all make mistakes and we can cut you some slack since you are new. So the better reaction is to apologize, say you understand and move on.

I will agree with Scott, even if she will not sign her rights over, it is very possible that the courts will allow the adoption anyway, And a good attorney often can get the other party to sign the rights away to make it easier at times.

You do want the adoption since it gives you rights to the kids if your husband would die.

That's not where we are saying you were wrong. You implied that as long as she was in a long term living relationship she could adopt. Where the law says different.

I'm bothered that you came back to argue the point. That's not what we are about here. We all make mistakes and we can cut you some slack since you are new. So the better reaction is to apologize, say you understand and move on.

I apologize, I do not know the laws in America, you are right.I haven't studied law either, I am merely commenting from what I know to be true from situations I have seen myself. I can clearly see you know better than me what is going on and I hope you can help this woman how ever you can.