Well I have a type of relationship that everyone wants. There's not really anything wrong with it and trust me, I do love my boyfriend. It's just, I'm not all that ready to fall in love again. My first boyfriend that I've been with from ages 12-16 committed suicide almost a year ago, yes I still blame myself everyday & cry like no other... It just isn't right, waking up to this new guy who loves me already & I think to myself each time, "Who are you, where'd you come from? This should be my handsome love Drazen that I'm waking up to" but it's not, its not drazen:'/ I know I need to move on but I can't do it alone! None of my friends know anything about what I'm going through, they can't relate to me. What I'm scared of is losing Caden now, he's the perfect boyfriend and I fake most of my smiles but the thing is, I want them to be real. I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to move on so that I could be completely happy with Caden. Idk if this website will help but I really just need to get out of this hole.

So sad to hear of the death of your friend, but not fair to have the new guy not know your real feelings. Its not his fault you got with him before you healed fom your loss.

I think a doctor, or counselor can guide you through the healing and get you to let go of the guilt. You need more time than a year, and that's okay to admit.

Sorry for your loss.

I know how it feels to lose a loved one... I'm still reeling from my girlfriend's death about four years ago. Honestly, you just need more time. Wounds won't heal without it. Maybe a break would be good for you two... nothing rude or hard, but just a little time for you both. What you need to keep in mind, is that you HAVE to HEAL before you move on, otherwise it's just going to sit and fester. Take it from somebody with experience on the matter... you don't want those feelings to fester.

In short, give yourself some time. The answers always show up, given enough time.