How did I get to this point? Just 10 days ago, I told my live in boyfriend that the relationship was not working for me. I had this gut feeling that something was just off for a very long time. So after he left I googled "why doesn't he care about my feelings?" Guess what came up? NARCISSISM...

I have been reading about that ever since and came to realize that I strongly believe that is him. His sister agrees, as she reached out to me to see what went wrong this time. I heard that his older sister yelled at him when she found out we broke up and told him she is sick of his problems and that he needs to get it together... Then without a care in the world asked her if he could keep his project car at her house. REALLY?

There is so much to the 3 year story, but today I question, how was he able to just say OK when I told him this relationship wasn't working for me? If two people love each other, wouldn't they do anything to fix what is broken? I know I would. What was broken? Lots of things. HE wouldn't talk to me about anything but HIMSELF, he didn't spend time with me unless there was something he needed from me. He held sex from me. He focused on his hobby so that he can get his car to look shiny and new and take it out and get others' attention. I bugged him is what he said a few times. He would make excuses that he couldn't come up with his part of the rent because he had to pay a bill, but then was on craigslist buying car parts or at the junkyard buying them. He lost job after job because of his bad attitude towards people. One boss actually told me he was sick of his mouth... WOW.

He always thought he was better than everyone and had some sort of put down for everyone he seen. He slammed my kids for things and I believe it was because he wanted me to think they were bad kids and give him attention. He was super jealous and paranoid... Wow is that a whole other story that I just realized. Paranoia is terrible.

Someone chime in... I need comments, advice, something to help me see...

It sounds like you "see" already and have noticed that he is the only one walking around in his world.

Now, what are you going to do about that?

Wow I like the way you said that. :)
I broke up with him last week. He came today to get his things and of course left so much again. He said before that he does that because he knows he will be back. Well in the past yes I allowed him back. This time I did not argue or fight, I just had enough and said sat a time when he least expected it. He left and was OK with it. Now I feel angry at him for being this way. And sad because it wasn't always this way. It was a tough relationship and I was always chasing people for answers to my question. IS THIS NORMAL? I questioned everything because my gut told me something was WAY OFF. Now I just don't know how to stop looking at my phone waiting for him to finally GET IT! I am a grown woman with two kids and I just want to get past this but a piece of me is mourning so bad for this relationship that lacked almost everything I needed.

What part of him did you need? If there's stuff of his left, pack it up into some boxes and call or message him to pick it up by x date or it will end up with the weekly trash pickup.

(Psssst, we're doing it this way for YOU, not for him.)

Yeah today was that day and he still left stuff. I cut off communication now and will place the remainder of his things in the garage, and focus on me. I will deal with his things later. Sell the stuff or give it to the trash.

What part of him did I need? I'm not sure I needed him but I wanted him. He was so romantic before and I was everything to him. There is so much to this story that I want to share but I am so ashamed of my decisions. I will in time be able to tell all.

There is so much to this story that I want to share but I am so ashamed of my decisions. I will in time be able to tell all.
Most of us women have been there and can empathize with you. If you ever want to tell your story, there are good listeners on this site who won't condemn you. And just think! -- you are so much smarter now!

Thank you. I am smarter now however I knew exactly what I was doing and what I was getting myself into. I don't feel like a victim cause I can respect the fact that I need to take responsibility too.
I learned so much about myself through this all and he did teach me some great things. That I cannot deny. Things were never great because it was always all about him. That in itself made me feel sick. I was chasing a man for attention. Almost begging to give me what I needed emotionally and physically. He would just ignore me as he watched TV or played on his phone. I can see all of his downfalls and would like to see mine so I can face them and fix them as I see fit and useful.
My weakness: being judged. It hurts but it does help with personal growth.

I am going to think of how to word my story in a brief way.

The good news you are mourning, and that's a sign of acceptance. The better news is you are free of this one sided relationship, and can build a healthier, happy life for yourself, without him dragging you down.

Have no regrets fom this experience.

Thank you. Yes I have accepted it and am trying to stay away from the bitterness that is lurking right outside my door. I am angry that the relationship was so one sided and how did that happen and why did I take him back so many times. This time I just didn't show my anger, I just let it go but the same things were occurring. He wouldn't communicate about the things people in relationships communicate about and he promised when I took him back three months ago that he would communicate this time around. Not much changed. He stepped it up a notch but that notch was not what any woman should settle for.

I have yearned for what he gave me in the first 20 months of our relationship. Things weren't perfect but he was so in love with me or so I thought. Did the real him come out after that or was he there the entire time and I just naively ignored all the signs ?

You would hardly be the first to try and hold on to something that was good and then became not so good. I think it's a natural thing to try and keep a good thing going. But sometimes you have to make a decision when the trying is not mutual, or effective.