answerfome
Apr 12, 2012, 06:25 PM
I got married 2 years ago but live in other country because of sponsorship. We just live together for 3 months and I feel unhappy most of the time.
The first problem that I I found many things from his exes girlfriends when I arrived in his house even in his bedroom which I was clearly with him that I won't accept to see anything from his exes. He blamed me that it wasn't his fault to made me angry or sad, that he wasn't keep them, just because he didn't have time to look at them to remove them and if I am sad or angry then it was just because I have jealous problem. But for me, he wasn't respect my feeling and wasn't keep his promised that he will remove everything before I came. How can I believe that he hadn't time to clean those garbage during 3 years we be together? Because of that, we often have arguments. I can't stand, I feel betrayed and very upset.
Money is one problem thing. Before married him, of course I knew he was a poor man, but it doesn't matter. I chose him as he is a good person, for me, money can come later, love is the most important. I deal with my family to be with him, I left my family to be with him and accept big trouble from them just to be with him.
First week, we had argument because I wanted buy my favourite foods at the mall but he doesn't wanted or never try before so he wasn't allow me to buy them no matter what I said that he might discover new foods. I owned an restaurant before and I lived in Europe before married him, I am a very good cook with many kind of food and everyday the dinner table always beautiful like a party day. But since I came here, I only had once go to my favorite store which sell my country vegetable and general foods, he told me that they are so expensive and refused to go there!!
I was shock when he recycle all of the shopping bags for garbage and wash used zipped bags no matter what.
We even fighting at the mall when I wanted buy some wine glasses. He wanted 6 ugly glasses while I wanted 2 beautiful glasses with the same price. He told me that he wanted 6, not 2. I told him that I want quality, not quantity, if he doesn't have enough money then don't buy any of them but please not bring something that could be garbage soon. Few times later, we went to mall, no matter what I wanted, he will accept as he doesn't want too, even he confimed that I am the best cook, so he can eat, why he is not allow me to decide? He just decided himself, if I showed my unhappy face then he started to say that I have no responsibility with him, that he have manything to worry about, many bills need to pay. But why he could buy something he likes and I can't do that so often like him? I just wanted share with him, not want to eat or enjoy alone, so what he think about? I feel maybe because life so difficult with him so it made him today, save and live as tight as a woman, it is good sometimes, but I feel he is quite selfish. After that, I refuse to go to the mall with him with a happy face:'' I will cook, I will talk to mom, I will whatsoever, I found reason to stay home, after that he found out then unhappy. I said: ''To be honest, I don't want to go to the mall to buy thing but the one who decide what to buy is not me, I can't get use to that yet, so this is better to stay home, you can buy whatever you want, I am OK with that. Now we don't have money, so I have none specific request about food, just vegetable and meet, that is it. So now we living like this.
He asked me to go windows shopping, hey, I am not the same hobby like him, how could you feel interest to go out and just window shopping, not buy anything? Boring!! I refused, he angry: '' Why you are so boring, take a look, knowing prices and enjoy our time together, well, sounds good, but I can't do that and I don't like that.
He is looking for a store to rent for us to try to open a small store, I don't want to go because we even don't have money in our hand, go out to look for a store for rent is too funny. I told him if we want to open a small store, we need money to import goods, to pay for the rent, accept few months unsuccess and need to have money already ready for those months. He don't want to listen to me: '' Why are you so negative, be possitive, money will come. Well, where is money? His job is his job, if he have more contract then maybe, but until that we should stay home and save the gas, I told him that I don't want to waste my time and gas for that, we argument again, we always have something to argument, it happens so often now, everyday, about something, from me or him, no matter what!!
The points are we are so different about hobby and with manything that we didn't know while in relationship because we are too far and webcam, email, smart phone are what we used to contact each other.
I used to work as a designer and now he wanted me go to work with him because he doesn't want to pay for workers, he wanted me to work to save money, even his job is so heavy and I am is so small and week and never ever touch that kind of job, landscaping job. I hate to see myself ugly and dirty and unattractive because I don't want him look at me when I am not so good looking but I have no choice, I work with him but I never feel happy. Being a staff and never had that kind of experience, I feel shock.
I have no money at this moment because trouble with my family to be with him so they were stop support me and made trouble to both of us to destroy our relationship. I lost my job and used money that I had during the waiting time, so now I am depend everything at him. I have to go to school to learn more about English before I can find another job in this new country. He is the one who went through all the trouble with me too. I thought we should me so happy when we can live together, but, it seem not like what I thought.
Whenever we have argument then he will hold me so tight and don't let me go even I want to and request him leave me alone. He would never ever accept that and used his power to keep me. Mostly, I will pull him away but it wasn't easy because his weight is double mine, even more. So because I wanted get away from him, I even used my legs to pull him away then it worked out sometimes and made him painful, if I made him pain then he seemed like he would kill me, swear, called me ing and so so, evil eyes, look scary, I confirm that he is changed. If he said bad words to me, I will slap him and then he will blames that I am a bad person. Slowly, I told him that if he continue then I would use bad words to talk to him but he wasn't stop swear, when I swear at him then he just laughing and don't care. Anyway. Once, while I pull him away, I fell down so he slide my hands backward to the bedroom and then had force sex with me. After that he said sorry because I made him become bad person, well, he never ever accept that he have some mistake too, he always said that he didn't do anything wrong and I am the one who causing trouble, not him.
I can't forget that, I feel pain so much when imagine about that again. He was a wonderful man with full of loving and romantic, he loves me so much, why he did that to me?
After got used to him, I found myself a safety way to adjust, I don't want to throw 3 years dealed with everything to be together and then...
One more thing, I have kids from previous marriage, and my husband is a wonderful step- father. Even if he angry with me, he still take care them, wake up early for them and do whatever he could for them. He was divorce without kid and had a messy past with many fiancés and girlfriends, unbelievable. Nobody could stay with him more than 3 years long.
When I got used to this life, to him, we are happy again. I am a good massage wife, loving wife, good cook, beautiful and sexy, sweet, but it seemed none with him now, if I am naked, for him just like full clothes. He loving me, hugging me, but not kiss me and make love to me like before, he seemed avoid me, I feel bad about that and asked him why then he said that he can't do what he doesn't want! Well, so funny, he wanted me, crazy, before, look, what happening. I feel so stress, manything to be stressfull, help me, please!!
The first problem that I I found many things from his exes girlfriends when I arrived in his house even in his bedroom which I was clearly with him that I won't accept to see anything from his exes. He blamed me that it wasn't his fault to made me angry or sad, that he wasn't keep them, just because he didn't have time to look at them to remove them and if I am sad or angry then it was just because I have jealous problem. But for me, he wasn't respect my feeling and wasn't keep his promised that he will remove everything before I came. How can I believe that he hadn't time to clean those garbage during 3 years we be together? Because of that, we often have arguments. I can't stand, I feel betrayed and very upset.
Money is one problem thing. Before married him, of course I knew he was a poor man, but it doesn't matter. I chose him as he is a good person, for me, money can come later, love is the most important. I deal with my family to be with him, I left my family to be with him and accept big trouble from them just to be with him.
First week, we had argument because I wanted buy my favourite foods at the mall but he doesn't wanted or never try before so he wasn't allow me to buy them no matter what I said that he might discover new foods. I owned an restaurant before and I lived in Europe before married him, I am a very good cook with many kind of food and everyday the dinner table always beautiful like a party day. But since I came here, I only had once go to my favorite store which sell my country vegetable and general foods, he told me that they are so expensive and refused to go there!!
I was shock when he recycle all of the shopping bags for garbage and wash used zipped bags no matter what.
We even fighting at the mall when I wanted buy some wine glasses. He wanted 6 ugly glasses while I wanted 2 beautiful glasses with the same price. He told me that he wanted 6, not 2. I told him that I want quality, not quantity, if he doesn't have enough money then don't buy any of them but please not bring something that could be garbage soon. Few times later, we went to mall, no matter what I wanted, he will accept as he doesn't want too, even he confimed that I am the best cook, so he can eat, why he is not allow me to decide? He just decided himself, if I showed my unhappy face then he started to say that I have no responsibility with him, that he have manything to worry about, many bills need to pay. But why he could buy something he likes and I can't do that so often like him? I just wanted share with him, not want to eat or enjoy alone, so what he think about? I feel maybe because life so difficult with him so it made him today, save and live as tight as a woman, it is good sometimes, but I feel he is quite selfish. After that, I refuse to go to the mall with him with a happy face:'' I will cook, I will talk to mom, I will whatsoever, I found reason to stay home, after that he found out then unhappy. I said: ''To be honest, I don't want to go to the mall to buy thing but the one who decide what to buy is not me, I can't get use to that yet, so this is better to stay home, you can buy whatever you want, I am OK with that. Now we don't have money, so I have none specific request about food, just vegetable and meet, that is it. So now we living like this.
He asked me to go windows shopping, hey, I am not the same hobby like him, how could you feel interest to go out and just window shopping, not buy anything? Boring!! I refused, he angry: '' Why you are so boring, take a look, knowing prices and enjoy our time together, well, sounds good, but I can't do that and I don't like that.
He is looking for a store to rent for us to try to open a small store, I don't want to go because we even don't have money in our hand, go out to look for a store for rent is too funny. I told him if we want to open a small store, we need money to import goods, to pay for the rent, accept few months unsuccess and need to have money already ready for those months. He don't want to listen to me: '' Why are you so negative, be possitive, money will come. Well, where is money? His job is his job, if he have more contract then maybe, but until that we should stay home and save the gas, I told him that I don't want to waste my time and gas for that, we argument again, we always have something to argument, it happens so often now, everyday, about something, from me or him, no matter what!!
The points are we are so different about hobby and with manything that we didn't know while in relationship because we are too far and webcam, email, smart phone are what we used to contact each other.
I used to work as a designer and now he wanted me go to work with him because he doesn't want to pay for workers, he wanted me to work to save money, even his job is so heavy and I am is so small and week and never ever touch that kind of job, landscaping job. I hate to see myself ugly and dirty and unattractive because I don't want him look at me when I am not so good looking but I have no choice, I work with him but I never feel happy. Being a staff and never had that kind of experience, I feel shock.
I have no money at this moment because trouble with my family to be with him so they were stop support me and made trouble to both of us to destroy our relationship. I lost my job and used money that I had during the waiting time, so now I am depend everything at him. I have to go to school to learn more about English before I can find another job in this new country. He is the one who went through all the trouble with me too. I thought we should me so happy when we can live together, but, it seem not like what I thought.
Whenever we have argument then he will hold me so tight and don't let me go even I want to and request him leave me alone. He would never ever accept that and used his power to keep me. Mostly, I will pull him away but it wasn't easy because his weight is double mine, even more. So because I wanted get away from him, I even used my legs to pull him away then it worked out sometimes and made him painful, if I made him pain then he seemed like he would kill me, swear, called me ing and so so, evil eyes, look scary, I confirm that he is changed. If he said bad words to me, I will slap him and then he will blames that I am a bad person. Slowly, I told him that if he continue then I would use bad words to talk to him but he wasn't stop swear, when I swear at him then he just laughing and don't care. Anyway. Once, while I pull him away, I fell down so he slide my hands backward to the bedroom and then had force sex with me. After that he said sorry because I made him become bad person, well, he never ever accept that he have some mistake too, he always said that he didn't do anything wrong and I am the one who causing trouble, not him.
I can't forget that, I feel pain so much when imagine about that again. He was a wonderful man with full of loving and romantic, he loves me so much, why he did that to me?
After got used to him, I found myself a safety way to adjust, I don't want to throw 3 years dealed with everything to be together and then...
One more thing, I have kids from previous marriage, and my husband is a wonderful step- father. Even if he angry with me, he still take care them, wake up early for them and do whatever he could for them. He was divorce without kid and had a messy past with many fiancés and girlfriends, unbelievable. Nobody could stay with him more than 3 years long.
When I got used to this life, to him, we are happy again. I am a good massage wife, loving wife, good cook, beautiful and sexy, sweet, but it seemed none with him now, if I am naked, for him just like full clothes. He loving me, hugging me, but not kiss me and make love to me like before, he seemed avoid me, I feel bad about that and asked him why then he said that he can't do what he doesn't want! Well, so funny, he wanted me, crazy, before, look, what happening. I feel so stress, manything to be stressfull, help me, please!!