I started dating this guy last June, his child's mother had left him about a year earlier (about the same time my ex husband and father of my 3 children left me) and we both were looking for a companion to do fun things with again. We did have lots of fun, but then things started to change. He started smoking TONS of weed, being very moody, distant, not working much (his work is slow in winter but he could have done more than he did) and not being there for me. All the while he'd remind me that he's a "good man" and "great father" but I didn't really see it that much. He'd always say what an "honest man" he is but I caught him in numerous white lies, loopholes, truth omission type things. I heard him tell outright lies to people, but he always justified it.

I went through an ENORMOUS amount of personal growth during my divorce, and essentially became a different person. I worked so hard to get to a point and I was terrified of losing myself in a bad relationship again. I started pulling away but didn't have the strength to walk away, and the relationship started on a downward spiral. After a while it only seemed like he wanted me when I was ready to walk away.

Well things keep dragging on, and SURPRISE I get PREGNANT. (We had stopped using birth control because he got a vasectomy, but apparently something was wrong). I'm in my late 20's with 3 young children by the way, he's mid 30's with 1 child. This was pretty much a humiliating disaster.

When I told him, he angrily told me to get an abortion and disappeared. I very much considered an abortion, but in the end I couldn't. So I decided to figure out how to do it on my own.

Lo and behold, after a week or so the guy decides he wants to be a family and raise this baby together. I say OK, let's do it. He re-enters the picture but treats me like he can't stand me. So I put my foot down and say it's over, I'm doing this on my own, don't contact me.

After a few days, he comes crawling back again. I was sick from the pregnancy and desperate... so sick that I needed IV fluids. One night he agreed to watch my kids, but when the time came to get the IV I couldn't get a hold of him... he had gotten stoned and fell asleep while watching his 4yrs old son. Very common occurrence. So I again say ENOUGH, and again he comes crawling back "really for real this time!!" came over once to help me fix my dishwasher, ended up yelling at me and my kids, and left the state to go work for his friend the next day. I didn't hear from him for about a week, then the emails and phone calls started. I ignored them all. They were all "hey, what's up" and infuriated me. I was sooo so sick and he just abandoned me. Then he started getting emotional. He'd leave voice mails I could barely understand because he was bawling. He'd send emails about how he knows now this is all he wants, he loves me with his whole heart and soul, please give him another chance he knows how bad he messed up but it just took him a minute to figure things out. I'm the best person he's ever met, he's never been in love like this, all he wants is to be there for me and all the kids and support us and take care of us. He blames everything on not having any money, but doesn't think about the cause of that which was laying around getting stoned instead of working. Now that he's been working he has a lump saved up and says everything will change. I told him I will go to counseling with him when he comes back, but unless he can show me that things will be different, I will not go back into a relationship with him.

I've made the mistake of picking up the phone 3 times now, and I get progressively meaner each time. I told him no contact until counseling, but he doesn't get it. He wants me to reassure him that he has a chance. He wants me to still be his girlfriend and hold his hand even though he knows I've had it and won't believe what he says until he proves it.

He's supposedly coming back soon, a month earlier than he was supposed to. I feel like I owe it to the baby to give counseling a shot. He says he's done smoking weed, is getting his business together, and he wants to show me what kind of man he really is. I don't know what he can show me since I don't want him at my house or around my kids. I don't know if this is one of those cliché relationship things, I've never had anyone beg to be a family with me... and honestly all I've ever really wanted was a family. My head says it will all be the same once he gets back, but I still have this smidgen of feeling like I want to believe him...

I don't know. Help me get my head together!!

Keep it strictly about supporting his child, otherwise keep him at a safe distance for your own protection, and that of your kids. Make sure he pays child support, but don't get sucked back into his BS!