He loves me very much and I am sure about it. But he belongs to family who are totally against love relationships. He is scared of his elder sister who is just few years older to him. He never had the guts to confess this relation to them in these five years. We have never dated, just meet at college. He doesn't even allow me to cal him when he is at home.

I have suffered a big deal in all these years. The rest everything is fine. We don't have trust issues. Even my friends envy me seeing his loyality for me. He never restricts me for anything. He lets me live my life. He always supports me in my decisions. But his priority is his family. He never priortizes me, and he never blames them for anything. I love him so much. What should I do?

5 years and no clear plan, or progress is frustrating. Ask him where this is going. Get an answer so you can make a decision whether this is the way you want to spend another 5 years, or one more year of more of the same for that matter.

You can not change his periorities, if you ensist he will choose his family, in this case you have to show him that you are not against his family and their mentality. Showing some touches by asking about his family getting inside and asking about their interests etc. will give him a puch to confess about your relationship.

@base86
I don't want it that way. Why can't he understand himself.

Why do you allow his behavior, or condone it by your acceptance of it?

@talaniman
I know I am doing wrong to myself. But I love him. Can't think of a life without him. I am helpless. His absence frustrates me. I even broke off so many times. But I always get weak and go back to him. What to do? Please help

I have dealt with many alcoholics, junkies, and addicts. You sound like on of those but you addiction is a fellow who seems to have no interest is building a life commitment with you, just a casual kind of thing.

So its been my experience that until you WANT to do better, you won't. All the advice and help is useless until YOUR mind is made up, because I doubt he changes. So if you see yourself weak and helpless, that's what you will be. Leave and stay gone, and rebuild yourself without him. I can tell you what to do, but its you who have to do the work.

I think this is a horrible situation to be in kitty and you obviously love this man very much. It may be that he cares for you a lot if your friends are remarking on it. My advice (but you will have to make the decision you think is best for yourself) is to confront him over this and be very open and honest about how you feel, but try not to be aggressive (I know this can be difficult when such strong feelings are involved). The situation must have a resolution, otherwise you will continue to live a hurtful life forever and no-one wants that for you. There may be a way to bring his family and your relationship together. If he really does not want to lose both he can request that his family respect his decision as an adult to accept you as his girlfriend (even if he is afraid of his sister). It might be very hurtful to them to know that he has been lying to them for so long, and that could create more problems or shock them into seeing how he feels and want to reconcile (depending on the type of people they are). The other resolution is if your boyfriend cannot confront his family to accept the woman he loves then he should leave with you, and if he cannot do that and just wants to continue then you should leave him. I know this would be incredibly difficult for you, but with support from friends, exercise, good diet, medical support etc. you could be coping again quite quickly and maybe after 6 months to a year find someone who can love you freely. In the mean time though you should try, at least once to resolve this issue.

There is a great divide here between what will happen, and what will never happen.

What will happen is that if you are in for heartache when he suddenly tells you that he is getting married to a woman in an arranged marriage.

Clearly during the five years you have been his secret lover, his family is unaware of you, because they would never accept you, and he knows a 'love marriage' is not possible.

The boundaries and expectations of this relationship were very clearly established by him, a long time ago, and you accepted that. Nothing has changed.

He is unwilling to acknowledge you as a significant person in his life, even as a friend, to his family. It is unlikely that he ever will take on the challenge of fighting his family, or putting you ahead of his family, and risk everything in order to be with you.

You are not a priority. You are a convenience.

Should he, at his age, be in a position where his family is negotiating for a bride, or soon will be, you will have no influence, because he will not, for whatever reason, likely say no to them.

So while he will likely move on and accept a life that has been arranged for him, he will be moving further apart from you, at his choosing, or in compliance with what is expected of him from his family, and you will remain exactly where you are.

You are not a priority in his life. I find it terribly sad that you are, and continue to, waste your life with a man who will never move forward into a future with you.

Perhaps it is time to seek counselling, maybe through the University, to help you deal with the process of letting go, and moving on with your life.

Thanks everyone. Now it is like I told him everything, every bit of my frustration and he is really sorry for everything and even cried. And is asking me to give him some time so that he can settle out things. I told him that I have given up on him and don't expect anything from him because every time I do so he always disappoints me. I want to let it go. I have started talking to him like friends. It is really hard for me but it gives me the satisfication that I have a self respect too