I've posted before but I feel that there was a couple (Read: a lot) of things that I neglected to put in my post so I am posting again to try to clarify everything as I have also learned more about all the circumstances.

I've been in an interracial long distance relationship (she's in CA, I'm in NY) with my Ex-girlfriend for the past 5 years, we haven't had any physical contact during any part of our relationship. We made plans to meet about 3 years ago and that is where things kind of getting messy. We never did meet due to her having to be hospitalized as she has Multiple Sclerosis, around the same time her grandmother was also going through her own medical problems. While she was hospitalized she was told her grandmother about me and her grandmother basically stated that she didn't approve of the relationship due to my race. (I just found about this recently). Unfortunately, her grandmother later died and that has had a big effect on her. Ever since that unsuccessful meet she's been distant to me whenever it comes to talking. I've accused her of cheating (like an insecure idiot, I know) and that hasn't been the case and she insists that that isn't the case even now.

For some additional background, we met while playing WoW (World of Warcraft) and we've been basically been talking to each other on a daily basis on both WoW and on Skype, up until about about 6 months ago when we started talking less and less until it has reached the point where I brought it up and she couldn't give a reason as to why that was happening.

Lately there has been a lot of stress on her side, as it is the anniversary of her grandmother's death, her father is expecting to get a liver transplant as well and she is going through a lot of medical issues herself as her MS is getting progressively worse. Her reasoning for breaking up with me was originally the cliché "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore and you deserve someone else that is worthy of you" to I don't want to have to worry about being a bad girlfriend to you anymore to the more recent my grandmother and grandfather wouldn't approve of you and the distance is really killing me. I know she was very very close with her grandmother as it has rocked her and that is also around the same time the noted changes started to happen.

I know I can't force her to take me back, but I'd like to know what I would be able to do to get her to change her mind as she has stated that she still does love me and I was the one bright spot in her life lately, she even logs on WoW and initiates conversation with me, which makes any kind of no contact rule pretty much confusing to me as they all say don't refuse contact from her. On a similar note, Every time I try to talk to her about the entire situation between us she says that she will talk about it later when things around her settle down as she is having a bunch of family fly in to her house as a support system for her dad's surgery, so I decided to stop and at the advice of multiple other posts on forums, I went no contact. I'm confused as to what that would actually be meaning as she'll talk to me about fluff but anything of meaning I am told to talk about later or not fixate on.

When I bring up that maybe we shouldn't even be friends and if she is saying that as a way of letting me down easy and there is someone else to just be honest with me as I can go away and she told me verbatim "I would hate not having you in my life, even ifyou don't think so, you do mean a great deal to me".

I honestly don't want to mind game her back to me but actually have her come back as it being her own choice.

I do have plans on closing the distance as well as I am making plans to go to grad-school near her.

I want to feel as though that she isn't breaking up with me but is just saying that she needs a little bit of space to be with her family during this time and to not smother her and what not with texts (as I've done in the past when she has been gone extended periods with her family), but at the same time it feels real that she is just breaking up with me and doesn't want to give it any kind of second thought. Should I even ask her what does she want from me and if there is indeed just her asking for some time with her family, or should I just let it all go and hope that this talk that we will be having once everything is cleared up actually does happen?

She's been talking to me or the most part whenever she sees me on WoW and starting conversations with me on wow and I'm trying to keep it together by not mentioning anything about the relationship so its been pretty much just talking about how each others days went, etc. The conversations we've been having have all been initiated by her and not myself, as I've tried to completely ignore making contact with her. Should I block her on WoW or something just to go completely no contact? The reason I didn't do that yet is because then there would be no way to even allow her to break the no contact further down the line. I do want to rekindle things if that is at all possible as it seems to me that she just doesn't know what she wants right now and the hardship of distance and health is all making it even more confusing to figure out what she wants at the moment.

Any help is appreciated.

Maybe she just needs you more as a friend right now and not as a boyfriend. Sometimes being a friend has fewer strings attached. She can get online and play WOW and chat with you without any further emotional involvement. It can be an escape for her. She may be filled to capacity right now with everything else that is going on in her life. As she said to you, she may also want to make sure that you aren't hanging on for her if you would like to move on. She may be giving you that opportunity.

If you can stand being just a friend right now, than continue to do so as you have been. If it is too difficult for you, then let her know that you find it too hard to just casually chat with her when you have such strong feelings.

Long distance relationships can be challenging, as you have already seen. Who knows what will happen when the turmoil in her life settles down. Or if you do move closer and may have more opportunity to meet in person.

It's a chance you take... stay in it, and hope that things will rekindle because you remained steadfast for her, or you just remain friends who saw each other through some hard times and chat online now and then.

Maybe I misread this but you have never met in person? Essentially, as disappointing as this is for you, its obvious given HER circumstances, love and romance is impossible, so stop pushing. If you cannot give friendship and support, leave her alone period!

Why add to the stress of a bad situation??

Maybe I misread this but you have never met in person?? Essentially, as disappointing as this is for you, its obvious given HER circumstances, love and romance is impossible, so stop pushing. If you cannot give friendship and support, leave her alone period!

Why add to the stress of a bad situation???

As I've said in the post (or at least what I thought I said in the post), I haven't been stressing her as of late, I completely stopped texting her, completely stopped calling her, even completely stopped initiating contact. All I did was tell her how I felt and asked her to what she wanted from the relationship and I told her that she didn't have to tell me exactly at the moment as it is something I want to give thought and she agreed with that, Thanked me for understanding that now is a hard time for her and we continued our conversation that we had after that. I'd like to believe that I have stopped pushing her, as I stopped all my previous behavior recognizing I'm making a bad situation for her worse.

That's the only thing I think you did misread, everything else it seems you have nailed spot on. Please don't take this response the wrong way, I appreciate your answer and view on the situation and I just wanted to clarify everything.

Maybe I misread this but you have never met in person?

This was my confusion. To me that's the biggest deal about your post. LDR's are difficult for the most dedicated or committed, and has its own set of problems. A 5 year LDR, with no end point in site? That's a tough obstacle to overcome, as small things grow to huge proportions.

Guess I am the one that is not always as believing, how often did you all talk on the phone> Did you all do video talking? Why in 5 years did you not find time to go out for a visit. A logical move. Could she have lied about age, or about who they were ?

All the excuses every time you plan on doing something, just raises red flags to me in a long distance relationship.
Do you know her actual address, have you sent things to her by regular mail or UPS ?

Guess I am the one that is not always as believing, how often did you all talk on the phone> Did you all do video talking? Why in 5 years did you not find time to go out for a visit. A logical move. Could she have lied about age, or about who they were ?

All the excuses every time you plan on doing something, just raises red flags to me in a long distance relationship.
Do you know her actual address, have you sent things to her by regular mail or UPS ?

NO I don't know her address, we spoke on the phone before the past 6 months almost on a daily basis, with video chats being mixed into the typically chat about once a week. The main reason I never went over there because after the plans fell through the first time, she pretty much kept me at bay whenever I made the plans to do so. I doubt she could've lied about her age as I've seen her on video and all or who she was. I didn't have her address as I haven't sent her anything via UPS or anything like that since she lives with her folks and didn't want her dad finding out about us (her dad knows me as well, as he plays WoW also).


This was my confusion. To me that's the biggest deal about your post. LDR's are difficult for the most dedicated or committed, and has its own set of problems. A 5 year LDR, with no end point in site? That's a tough obstacle to overcome, as small things grow to huge proportions.

I am moving out there later this year for grad school and all, so there was/is a definitely an end in site to the distance.