Ok so here is my story I have what I believe to be a medeling mother inlaw .Please let me know your opinions on this matter.So me and my wife just had the birth of our first child a little boy .From the start we said no one in the room during labor.During the last couple days leading up to birth we decieded to let our mothers be in the room .My mom is no problem she stayed out of the way and took pictures like we asked.My wife's mom did not this was suppose to be about me and my wife and our new baby but her mom got on the phone during labor and deleivery and also motioned to a cousin to go ahead and come in the room right in the middle of labor.We told our moms specificly just them and that we viewed this as a gift we were giving them,Really rubbed me the wrong way that she saw it OK to do those things.Further more my family the new grandpas inperticular waited for 4-5 hrs to see this little man only to have her mother act on ourbehalf with out our permission letting in cousins and her aunts and uncles right after the birth .In my opinion the new grandpas who had waited all that time should have been the first to see baby and when we were ready.medeling mother inlaw walked the cousins and aunt/uncles right bye my family without a word into our room.My mother inlaw seems to be a bit oblivious to our wishes in most manners.Dont get me wrong I love my mother inlaw and all of her family but to not respect us as a family really bothers me I have brought this up with my wife but she just gets stressed out because its her mom .How do I handle this respecfully

Junior, welcome to the wonderful world of "when you get married, for better or for worse, you marry her entire family too!" :p

You are absolutely right to feel the way you do. She was definitely out of line doing what she did and not respecting your wishes. Since you say you normally love your mother-in-law, unless you want to create major problems for the rest of your life with your in-laws, you have to let this go. Just for the moment.

When your wife is feeling better, if she is as upset as you are, she will say something to her mother. When she is ready to speak with her, you need to do this together as a unit to show Mom you are a united front. Then you can tell Mom how disappointed you are in her actions and not respecting your wishes. List the incidents that have bothered you in a very matter of fact way and tell her how it made you feel. Tell her that in the future, you expect her to respect your wishes. And, leave it at that. Don't verbally attack and don't show anger. A combination of sincere disappointment and guilt used in a calm manner is the best tool to use in this kind of situation. Let her think about what she has done. She doesn't want you to alienate her.

But, for now, just write it off to poor judgement on her part. She was excited and definitely was not thinking about how her actions were affecting others. It doesn't make it right, but from an emotional standpoint, it is understandable. Be thankful that she is showing this kind of love for her grandchild. She obviously loves you to be acting so ga-ga over the baby. Just remember, she will come in awfully handy down the road when you need a safe and responsible babysitter for your child! So, this is something that should be handled tactfully and with kid gloves when everyone is feeling healthy and not so emotional. :)

Hope this helps ease the pain a bit.

Hi Junior -

First, breath in... breath out... :)

Yes, welcome to the wonderful world of In-laws :)

Junior, to make your life easier and less stressful for your wife, try and let this go. You are ahead of the game, as you do love your Mother-in-law. You will learn, or find a way to learn to "embrace" the unique qualities some Mother-in-law's bring.

This probably won't be the first time that your Mother-in-law does things a little her way. The secret to coping with it, is to remember you love her, and how much you love your wife. You said it yourself, when you bring these things up to your wife, it only stresses her out.

I am not saying let your Mother-in-law step all over you and completely intrude in your life. But you are going to have to pick the things that you are going to get upset about. See, after awhile, if you allow it, even the very little things your Mother-in-law does, will start to bother you.

I would suspect that she does most of what she does out of love. Love for her daughter and love for you her son-in-law. Try and take a step back and remember these moments are considered precious to your Mom-in-law as well, and as long as she is not completely disrupting and causing complete havoc, try and let her have these moments, and have a smile in your heart, that you are playing a critical part in creating incredible memories for your wife and her Mother, two very important women in your life. What a special gift it is that your wife has her Mother to share these moments with.

Again, I am not saying you are in anyway wrong, but remember, pick those things that are truly worth getting upset about. If that time does happen, talk it over with your wife, and together decide what to do.

I would give Mom-in-law a pass on this one, which will in turn, take a lot of stress off everyone.

Remember, breath in... breath out. :)

p.s. Congrats on your Son!!

One of THE smartest things my hubby and I decided on was he would take the lead with his clan and I would on mine. Now this was preceded by us both recognizing that we actually needed protection from them respectively (LOL you think I'm kidding here, I am not!) but that was as far as my commenting on his or his commenting on mine went. And we've all lived happily ever after, well, at least we have! :rolleyes:

N'er a fight has begun in our house with... "my parents, those @#$%# grumble grumble grumble!!!"

Tread carefully when talking to your wife about her mother. And listen to Ruby and Allheart - wise ones they are.

Absolutely Val,

Each one should be the lead of their own camp... yup yup and yup.

In the future, don't let your mother-in-law be privy to too much that's happening within your own family. Since she takes a yard when given an inch, don't give her the inch.