Hi Guys,

I have had this relationship for about 4 years now which always had breakups and patch ups, so last December my girlfriend wanted me to meet her sister and I freaked out and I ignored her for a month which was very bad on my part and she didn't text/call or mail me for a month as well.

After a month when I realized that I am ready and that I can meet her sister/parents and all I decided to call her up and to my surprise she said she didn't want to get back and I tried convincing her and one of our mutual friends got involved and after his intervention she said yes she will get back to me. . But something wasn't right she started getting very angry and very irritated at me and we had a fight and after about a month of getting back she wanted to break up again and this time anything I did, didn't make a difference and she still stands strong on her decision of not getting back.

She said that while I was gone in December she started distracting herself by texting her manager a guy who is 15 years elder to her and they got very close to each other. . I asked her if she liked him and she said " I don't know ". While with me for a month she constantly texted him and spoke to him in front of me and she started liking his company. .

I just wanted to know whether she will come back to me after sometime if I am not in contact with her? Her manager is 15 years elder to her, she is 21 and he is 36 is there any possibility of this working out?

Thanks in advance

Anything is possible. Yes, she may come back to you but will just treat you badly or simply take advantage of your feelings for her. Don't ever show a woman how much she means to you. If she can speak with another man in front of you without feeling any remorse, then more hurtful things would soon happen in the near future.

Never let her know that everything is all right with you because people are like that. They abuse others especially when they can get away with it. But then again, anything is possible. If you play your cards right, maybe you can turn the situation around and make her the one going after you.Life is very unfair sometimes but you have to be strong enough to play games in order to get what you want.

Thanks Stella for your reply.
She says she doesn't feel the same for me anymore and that she doesn't want me in her life, If I ask her to meet me she says she doesn't feel like it so she won't. .

I am devastated and I can't get over her and this is killing me. .

On one had I still have hopes that she might realize that its never going to work out with her manager and that she might come back
On the other am really very very scared that she will carry on with her life and may get even more close to her manager and forget me.

Its killing me from within and I am just not able to take it.

Raoul, she's moved on, it's time you did.

She's telling you that she's not interested in you anymore. She's saying that she won't be coming back. Why are you still hoping that she will?

I know that it hurts. Love does hurt, especially lost love. But there comes a time when you have to accept that it's over, and you have to stop hoping that they'll come back.

Love is a two way street. It takes two to be in love, and she's no longer in love with you. You have to accept it. You have to let her go and get on with your life.

I Understand that,
Just a day before our fight she said I love you and that she will never let me go and the very next day after the fight she said it was over..
I asked her then why did you say that u love me and that you will never let me go just a day before to which she replied she felt that she was doing the right thing. .
I just cannot accept that she would say I love you to me a day before and break up the very next day. .

Raoul, women don't like to cause pain to anyone. We always try to soften the blow when we have to break up with someone.

You've been together for 4 years. I'm sure that a part of her will always love you, and cherish the time you spent together. That doesn't mean that she's in love with you. There's a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

Loving someone means that you don't wish them any harm, you care about them, you want them to be happy. Being in love with someone means that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, you want to be with that person always.

It sounds like she does love you, but she's not in love with you, which is why she broke up with you.

The fact that you can't let her go is forcing her to be mean. She's told you that the relationship is over, but you're not accepting it, just because of the words she said.

In the end, they are just words. Her actions are speaking a lot louder than the words "I love you".

You have to forget about what she said, how she acted, the relationship you had for 4 years. Everything that happened then, well, it's a great memory, and I'm sure you had many good times together, but it's over now. She's moved on. She's trying to cut contact with you. She's making it very clear that it's over.

You just have to accept it. Until you do, you won't move on. You're wasting your time hoping that she'll come back. She won't. You have your life to live, so live it. You will survive, I promise you. I know it hurts right now. We've all been there. It hurts like no pain you'll ever experience. But, one day you'll be able to think about her, and instead of tears, and heartbreak, you'll smile. You shared a part of your life together, but that part of your life is over now. It's time to begin the next chapter.

Trust me. One day you'll meet someone that will make you forget all about the love you had for her. Someday you'll meet someone that loves you just as much as you love her.

But first, you have to move on from this.

Thanks Alty for your reply. .

It hit me as hard as a truck. .
I have stopped contacting her and texting her. .

I believe that she is not able to get back to me because she is preoccupied with her manager who is 15 years elder to her and she doesn't have time to think about me. . That is why I am hoping that she might come back one day after realizing that it will never work out with her manager. .

Do you think I am right in feeling so ?

No. I think you're fooling yourself. I understand why, but as long as you keep hoping, you'll never move on.

You really have to accept that it's over. It may not work out with her manager, but she's ended her relationship with you.

Is it possible that she'll come back to you? Well yes, anything is possible. It's possible that I'll win the lottery tomorrow. Is it likely? No.

I know it's hard to accept, but that's what you have to do. Do you want to waste your life waiting for her to come back, when she most likely never will?

Hmmm :(

Thanks a lot Alty.

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to make you sad, I'm just telling you the truth. The truth hurts, I know that. I also know that you don't want to hear it, and it's likely that you won't accept it, not right away.

But, in time you'll realize I'm right. When that time comes, and you're ready to move on, let us know. We can give you help with that. Right now, you have to get to the point where you can accept that she's gone, that she's not coming back, and that you do have to live without her in your life.

I don't think you're at that point yet.

Yes, I am not at that point yet and I feel empty and pathetic, I am just going crazy at the thought of her and at the thought she is not there with me anymore. .
I have hardly slept in the last 1 week. . I am suffering from insomnia .

I just don't know what to do and how to go about accepting the fact. .

The breakup of a relationship is a lot like the death of a family member. There are stages, and it hurts almost as a death.

You will go through denial, which is the stage you're in right now. Then there's anger. Then, finally, there's acceptance.

You may not be able to accept it right now, but it won't change the facts. Sooner or later you're going to have to accept that it's over, and then allow yourself to go through the other stages.

Let yourself mourn her loss. But do start accepting that she's gone, that you will have to find a way to live without her.

Right now it's okay to be sad. Sad is a part of this. You wouldn't be human if you weren't sad. But you don't have to be sad alone. Going out with friends helps. Keeping busy helps. Don't hole yourself up in your room spending every waking minute thinking about her.

Keeping a journal can also help. Write down your thoughts. Say everything you want to say to her on paper. Let it all out. Write in your journal every day. It doesn't have to be about her, and I bet that in time, you'll mention her less and less, as other things take over your day to day life. I bet that in a few months, maybe a year, there will be no mention of her at all.

You can do this. You have no choice. You can choose how to move on from here.

Time for me to go to bed, but if you want to talk more about this, I should be on tomorrow.

Have a good night. Try to get some rest.

Thanks a lot. .
I really appreciate it. .

We have all been through the pain of lost love, I think, at least almost all of us.
You can't sleep, eat, and it feels like you can't even breathe.

I want to add another scenario.
I had someone come back to me (after thinking it would never happen) and guess what - I couldn't be happy! I was too full of resentment over being left. So I lost him a second time, for good.

Nothing is final until death. People have sometimes found each other again after 50 years or more.
But you just don't know. You can't go online and ask will she come back to me? You can't even ask her closest friend. You can't assume anything. Ever.

Yes, I am not at that point yet and I feel empty and pathetic, I am just going crazy at the thought of her and at the thought she is not there with me anymore. .
I have hardly slept in the last 1 week . .I am suffering from insomnia .

I just dont know what to do and how to go about accepting the fact. .You spent four years with some one and it will take an awful long time to adjust, and rebuild after a break up. Just imagine all the things you didn't do because you wrapped your whole life around one person.

How do you accept it? By focusing on doing things on your own, and learning about other options, and opportunities you neglected. In this way you can slowly build a life that you enjoy, as you make friends, and get back in the groove of family and activities that you like, without her.

This is your first time, as an adult, you have to learn to let go, and manage your own feelings in healthy, mature ways.

Read the stickies HERE (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/), for some ideas, suggestions, and insights of other who have gone through the same things.

No, just move on

Raoul, I see it's been close to three months since your last post so hopefully things have started to improve for you. I've been going through the same thing these last several months. It's never easy.

In my case, we were together for over six and a half years when she decided to end things. She left because closeness issues I'd developed many years before I met her prevented me from moving forward with our relationship. Because I failed to address these issues, she ultimately felt unloved. I'm addressing these things now, but that may be too little too late for her. The breakup was sudden and unexpected for ME, but it had been building up in HER for many many months.

The point is, your girlfriend likely reached this decision long before you were aware of it. You want to try and fix things, but she just wants to move on. You need to accept this and allow her to find her own way.

As for the older guy, things may develop between them but odds are it won't last. Not because of the age difference but because of the situation. At best he will probably be a rebound that she will see as a "mistake" the rest of her life. When that ends (and odds are very high that it will), you have to realize this does NOT mean that she'll definitely come back to you. You need to be prepared for the likelihood that she will just move on from there with someone else. Yes I know it hurts to think that. Believe me I know! But you should be aware.

Now having said all that, you never know what will happen. It is all very possible that somewhere down the road she will come back. I have had many experiences in my life and one thing I've learned is that NOTHING is permanent where people are concerned. Everything about humans from the physical to the emotional is in a state of flux. This means if she tells you "I'll love you forever" she no doubt means it... in that moment. There are no guarantees that won't change. But then the same can be said of "I never want to see you again". Time moves on and things change in and around us.

As so many of these good people here have pointed out already, you can't live in hope (this is something I'm TRYING hard not to do right now myself, so I know how difficult it can be). Distractions are vital. Friends and family are what you need more than anything. Focus on improving yourself. If you want to use the idea of her coming back as a motivator, that's fine to a point... but don't let it become your "be all end all". YOU are what matters most right now.

It also might help to realize that in these situations (being dumped) we tend to idealize the person that dumped us. We see only the good things we love and miss and remember only the best of times. This is unrealistic. Realize she's a person and as such, has plenty of faults. Try focusing on some of her negatives... primarily some of the things she's done to you at the end of your relationship and after the breakup. Personally speaking, I believe a person shows their true self during the difficult moments in a relationship. Anyone can seem like a catch when things are going well.

As a final point, in my years I've had several girlfriends that have tried to come back to me after leaving. A very high majority in fact. But in virtually every instance it was after I let go and had moved on. You have to let go. Focus. Rebuild. Live your life. Hope that helps a little.