Hi, I'm a 17 year old girl who wants to know how to associate with people.
Fact is I'm a very shy person and I don't really know how to express myself that well. That's why I do not have many friends. Well I have a few ones and they are really great. I can tell them everything. What's my proplem is, that I can't act naturally around people I don't know that well, so I often get nervous and unsocial around them. That's why most people think I'm an ignorant person, because I don't talk much and when I actually do, it often souds really unfriendly because I only give short and straight answers. Another thing is, that I do say my opinion on things. But I unwantedly let them sound really harsh as if I want to start a fight. It's just that I'm a person who expresses herself really straight and clear.I don't go blablabla on things, just speaking them out directly will do for me. That's why most of the people in my class think I'm dislikable. But actually I'm a very nice person, also very humorus. That's why I do not understand why I act like this. I really don't know, it just keeps coming out. I don't mean any harm but I just can't get myself to be friendly with the people who don't like me. You could also say: why should I? But wasn't it from the very beginning my fault they don't like me now?. I just don't know how to get to them and make them realize I'm not such a bad person.

Practice makes perfect-ish. If you want to change your behaviour, you can't stop trying. I also suggest you devise some sort of short apology/explanation so when you say something harsh without meaning it you can soften the blow. Something like "sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound so harsh" + smile. I think once you don't feel so self conscious of your "dislikable" reputation, it will become easier for you to speak to someone as yourself and not as a nervous and blunt person.

I know it's annoying not to be in control of yourself around people. I actually just said "(insert unflattering word of choice) you" to what the people in school thought and just started anew in uni. Though that's the easy way out I guess.. Just remember a smile always helps :D

Thank you very much for your nice reply.

I will try to remember what you said. First I think I should try to smile more at other people.. ^^ thought that takes quite some selfcontrol.

I know that other people also have to deal with about the same proplems as me, but actually hearing (reading) it helps quite a lot to deal with it and makes it easier for me to accept my behaviour. I just figured that out.

Nevertheless I want to try, because I don't want to be seen as an unfriendly person anymore. It just doesn't make me feel very good.