It is because of I have two different minds with me
1= a sexual mind means I am living only for sex
2= a love life means living for a loving girl
My love life is short living and it lings for few seconds
Sexual mind is always with me and I addicted to sexual and now I know that I can't change myself in this life time
So I want to die but I have to make few money for my family so tham at least 2 years is needed for me that's why I told I want to die after 2 years...

Can you please clarify what your question is?

Are you asking for help with your issues? Are you asking how to make enough money for your family in two years time? Or are you asking something else?

And have you considered getting help if you have a sexual adiction.

Also why is a relationship short, most are not.