So my dad is trying to keep me in Texas but I do not want to live here at all I'm uncomfortable not to add my mom has custody... I'm 14 turn 15 in April and I want to be home can I run away or do I have to stay?

Where does your mom live and why are you with dad at all if mom has custody? Please explain further so we can better advise you

My mom lives in new Mexico where I normally live and I'm with my dad sometimes durin spring break winter break and stuff like thAt... he's never home all he does is work... all I want is to be back home with my mom my brother and my girlfriend and that's asking too much apparently

Just so you are aware - the "that's asking to much apparently" language makes you sound remarkably flippant and sarcastic.

I see both sides of this - it's a rough economy. Your father is undoubtedly supporting himself and paying child support (and perhaps spousal support) to your mother. He's trying to survive. What does "never home" and "always working" mean? He works 24/7? Something else?

The answer is - if your father insists on the visitation and it's Court awarded your mother needs to go back to Court and get the Order changed. It's not impossible, and visitation, for example, when you are 12 is not the practical when you are 16. Your father could agree not to exercise his visitation and allow you to go back to NM but I would advise that your parents put that in writing.

It's tough being uprooted from your family and life in NM every so often and sort of shipped off to Texas. I do understand that. What type of visitation would you be happy with - long weekends, visitation when your father is on vacation, something else?

I would decide what is acceptable to me and then approach both parents, calmly, no sarcasm. I'm sure your father's feelings will be hurt - it sounds like he just won't see you if he has no visitation in Texas - but perhaps you can work this out with shorter visits, perhaps more frequently.

That's the problem I really don't like coming here half the time I no he's my father but this house makes me crazy believe it or not but I would rather my mom just have custody he didn't want to be a big part in my brother and my life until a few years ago and now he's trying to keep me here I can't stand it here it makes me crazy I've had night mares for the last week since I've been here I've thought thoughts I never thought until I got here I need to leave but he says no all the time and yells and doesn't care about what I have to say no matter what my argument is he doesn't care

Then you have to sit down and have an honest, serious talk with your mother. Maybe she thinks you're being difficult (or something else) but you need to make her understand your unhappiness, why you are unhappy. Maybe your father doesn't care. Maybe he doesn't know what to think or do BUT, depending on your age, your parents need to allow you to have some level of making choices in this matter. If this is all about missing your girlfriend, well, that's one thing, but if you are genuinely unhappy, then you need to ask your mother to get the Order changed. Would shorter visits "work" for you? You can't just cut your father out of your life unless he's a danger to you, and I'm not reading that.

What types of arguments are you losing? Important stuff? Or does he argue about every little thing you say and do?

Have you tried talking to a counsellor at school, sort of stating your case, getting that person involved?

Yes, you really do sound unhappy, and I really do think you need to try to change things. It has to be done, legally, of course. How does your brother feel about spending time with your father?

He's the complete opposite of me he loves it here... everytime I come here I feel well left out and put down the verbal abuse is I think way does it because it's always get over yourself your stupid useless unneeded ugly retarded and any name in the book and I've never spoken out about this I'm just tired of having the feeling of being down all the time I do miss my girlfriend but I just would like to be home and happy again... U know?

NM is what you consider home where all your friends are, I'll bet. It's hard to make friends in a different place.

Do you attend school while you are in TX? If so, how is that working out?

He's the complete opposite of me he loves it here...everytime I come here I feel well left out and put down the verbal abuse is I think way does it because it's always get over ur self ur stupid useless unneeded ugly retarded and any name in the book and ive never spoken out about this I'm just tired of having the feeling of being down all the time I do miss my girlfriend but I just would like to be home and happy again... U know?


Yes, I do know and I can read your unhappiness loud and clear. I'm glad you've chosen to share your problem here. Sometimes just getting it out is good, helps you put your thoughts in line, get some other opinons - and, of course, we're all anonymous here so I don't know you and you don't know me.

I'm sure if this is your "part time" home you do feel out of place and left out, particularly when your mom, brother, girlfriend, school and friends are in NM. No problem missing your girlfriend, no problem at all. I'm sure she's someone you can talk to, explain your unhappiness, and now you're in Texas and she's in NM. I thought maybe she was the only reason you want to go back to NM, but now I see I was wrong about that. Sorry - I jumped to a conclusion.

I think you need to tell your mother EXACTLY what is going on - I'd wait until you're back in NM because you don't need to be in Texas, criticizing your father, having your mother telephone him and you're pretty much trapped there.

When do you go back to NM?

And, yes, I'd have a very frank discussion with your mother and, if necessary, a counsellor - perhaps at school.

How is your father with your brother? Sometimes an age difference makes a difference.

I think children with divorced parents are trapped between two sets of rules - his and hers.

Does any of this make sense?

I just here I feel crazy I feel totally unnormal and it's a change I ain't ready to bring and I feel that being here makes me extremely not myself my brother is 16 and he's a totally different person I'm much more laid back than him and you know I just want to say this I've been thinking some messed up things since I got here I've had night mares since I've been here and every time I'm here this happens they don't understand it and I thank you for listening and for your time

No need to thank me - we've all hit rough patches in our lives. If you are having serious problems in Texas (and it appears that you are possibly becoming depressed) you need to find someone who will listen to you.

Your mother, another relative, someone else?

How much longer before you go back to NM?

(Really, no need to say thanks. I have 5 stepchldren and know how hard the back and forth was on them. There were problems with their mother's "new" husband.)

I really have no clue when I'm going back at this point and I do feel like I'm becoming depressed I just can't take it in Texas this is not me my home my family and my life I'm not myself when I'm here at all this place makes me crazy and now that I've spoken about it I realize how it is actually making me... and it's changing me very badly to a person I'm not

Can you think of anything that is GOOD about Texas?

Really honestly no... because I see the "bright side" those things are not good... they are not things that are good at all cause at this point nothing here has a bright side to it the way I feel when I'm here shouldn't be right for anybody to feel at all I just need to find a way home somehow some way I have to go home... this isn't my home even temporarily

I've heard the pecan pie is to die for! And Texas has a lot of history. (I know because I did a lot of research on the state's history about Indians and missions and trails.)

Whereabouts in the state are you located (just generally, not exactly)? I'll tell you something interesting about that area!

Really honestly no...because I see the "bright side" those things are not good...they are not things that are good at all cause at this point nothing here has a bright side to it the way I feel when I'm here shouldn't be right for anybody to feel at all I just need to find a way home somehow some way I have to go home...this isn't my home even temporarily


Then I think you're back to trying to get your mother to listen to you OR getting another adult to step in.

I won't tell you about the dangers of running away (you could end up in a juvenile home) or doing anything that might be considered foolish.

Is there another relative you can talk to? I have stepchildren and I am fortunate in that they can ALWAYS talk to me. I hate getting between them and their father, but sometimes I have to. How about Grandparents on your mother's side?

Holland it's a teene tiny town with nothing to intrestin... can I ask if it's illegal to walk to my moms house because she has custody I just can't stay Here too much longer

Yes, it's illegal in the sense that you would be running away (or walk away - hoping I can get you to smile, at least a little) from the person who has custody of you at the moment. That, of course, is your father.

If you do leave you can be picked up and held in Police custody and then returned to your father (and I'm sure things will be even worse!), eventually returned to your mother OR your father could request that you be held as a "problem juvenile." That has different legal "titles," according to the State, but I'm sure you understand what I mean.

No, you've got to do this the legal way.

Question is - who can you get on your side? I would take the approach that it isn't that you don't want to spend time with your father (whether you do or not) - it's that you don't want to spend extended stretches with him.

Can you think of anyone who would take your side? Wondergirl and I are on your side, but that isn't much of a help because we are here and you are there.

Anyone you can present this to?

Am I reading this right? The entire population of Holland, Texas is 1,102 people? THAT'S a small town!

U no I've thought about the adult stepping in and my girlfriends mom found out I was going to try and walk 715 miles to get home she was lik I can't let you do that if your going to I'm going to tell your mom as soon as you step foot out the door... how should I approach my mom and dad with the legal stuff... this is my last option keeping me afloat

I'm working a case - give me a minute.

Holland is small, like the town I grew up in. But you are close to lots of museums and historical stuff. This should be a pretty section of Texas too, not like the wilderness to the west. (I'm trying hard to find good reasons to be there.)

Do you attend school while you're in Texas?

I really have all of my friends on my side I have all of my friends parents on my side... I have a lawyer on my side but he doesn't study this kind of law... I can try and talk to my moms friends but I don't know how well it will work and yea you're reading that right it's small... to small...

Ok thank you and wondergirl that's not the town many people get it confused it's pop. Is 1,102 there's nothing around here and no if I have to stay I will start Monday which I don't want I have everything going for me over there I'm top of my class in baseball and one of the best kickers for football in the state

I was looking at the zip code, not the population number -- sorry, so I changed my post about how big it is.

You are close to Killeen and Austin and even the ocean. Is there any chance you could go with your dad or another family and explore the area?

I've been up down left right and anywhere I could be in this state to try and make myself happy but my happyness is in New Mexico

Do you text and call people in NM? With technology now, it should be easy to stay in touch. (Back in my day, all we could do was write letters for snail mail.)

When you drive around, what do you see in that area?

Yea I try when I can they're all busy doing stuff I see lost memories ever since I was 5 I've hated coming here I would scream and cry for hours because I didn't want to be here nothing is fun to me here

Tell us what the situation is at your dad's house. He goes to work when? And is home when? And what do you do all day?

Is your mom near Albuquerque or Santa Fe? What's the size of the town and living situation? Is there stuff to do?

Okay, first - how long are you in Texas? I need to know that. Are you there for weeks or months? Something else?

Your girlfriend's mom is showing good, common sense - she obviously cares for you and doesn't want you to get in trouble. That's good.

The only people who can change the visitation/custody issue are your mother and father (unfortunately). If your mother has physical custody of you (where you live most of the time) she is the one who would have to ask the Court to give you more time with her and less time with your father. You - because of your age - have no legal standing to do anything.

The best you can hope for is to put some pressure on your parents to see your side of things. Running from person to person with your side of things can blow up in your face (of course) but some well-placed calls (or conversations) with people who care for you, know how desperately unhappy you are, will go a long way.

Grandparents? Aunts and uncles or someone who your mother (and perhaps your father) will listen to?

I see no other legal way... but I'm thinking.

If you have a friend who is an Attorney, agrees with you but doesn't practice family law that person might very well have some suggestions that will be helpful. I'm in NY, not Texas or NM, so my knowledge of the laws "there" is limited. I have researched, and that's what I've posted.

Anything sounding possible to you?

(As I said, I had a desperately unhappy stepchild, and I was able to talk to her mother and father and we were able to reach a compromise that made her happier.)

Well he divorced my mom when I was 1 or 2 then we didn't come and see him for a while then we as in me and my brother started coming here when I was five then it's kind of regular but for the last 5 years it's been miserable for me there's slot of verbal abuse from my dad and my brother... my dad goes to work at about 5 in the mornin and works till about midnight I rarely see him and when I do he drinks and my mom lives in Abq I go to del Norte I have a girlfriend I've spent every moment of the last 2 months with and love her to death... mymom is a teacher she is home regularly there is everything to do in albuquerque I love it there

All I want to do is just go home my dad said he's making me stay till school is over and apparently he's making sign up for the little high school here I don't want to do that I want to be home with my mom and brother I just want to go home

He can't make you do anything that isn't covered by the Court Order regarding custody and visitation. Do you know what it says?

Is there some reason you suddenly ended up in Texas? Why did your mother allow this?

I don't know I mean he was just like your coming here and living here and I was forced and I'm tryn to get home but he says no to everything I just want to get home

And I think my mom has sole custody

So your Dad has visitation. In fact, if right now he has physical custody of you that MIGHT be a violation of a Court Order. Any way you can find out 100%?

There must be a reason your mom has full custody. Was your father a problem in the past?

- I'm still looking for options for you.

So when you call your mom on the phone and talk to her what does she say? If you were kid napped you walk or call the police and tell them your dad has taken you away from your mom who has custody. If your mom knows you are there, and has allowed him to take you, then you have to stay

It's not considered running away if I'm just walking home right?? because today my dad was like just leave then if your going to walk leave go pack your stuff and start walking...

Yes, it would be considered running away.

What your dad said was a frustrated dare, but depending on court orders, you would be in big trouble.

I don't understand because its technically permission... the lady at the police station said leaving home without permission is running away snd that's pretty much permission right??

No, it was not permission.

Depending on court orders, he doesn't have the right to say that. It was only frustration.

I don't understand:, ((I just want to go home

You are going to have to do some fact finding and fact checking.

1. Does your mom have sole custody?
2. Why are you at your dad's now--what's the deal with visitation and custody living with him?

Get answers to those two questions.

You know... you are going to have to get used to doing things you don't want to do... because you are going to have to the rest of your life. If you think adults only have to do what they want to do, when they want to do it... you are in for a surprise.

If you think being a parent is easy at the best of times... much less when a teenage child is being difficult... your really have a huge surprise coming. And odds are you WILL be a parent one day in that exact situation.

I didn't like High school... but I went every day... literally, I had perfect attendance. I studied.. and I got good grades... not because I enjoyed it... because I needed to do it.

Odds are in 4 or more years... you won't see these same girls your life appperantly revolves around any more because they will have their own lives... then you will see how superficial this all is right now.

In fact it will be much sooner than that... like about the time they get boyfriends...

I dont understand because its technically permission...the lady at the police station said leaving home without permission is running away snd thats pretty much permission right???



Sorry, it's not permission. If you leave he could have you stopped by the Police. It's more a frustrated parent saying something not terribly smart. You are confusing "running away" in the legal sense and "running away" in the sense of actually running someplace. Leaving your residence (either temporary or permanent) when you are underage is running away. You can walk, crawl, skip - it's running away.

Without knowing the custody arrangement and why you are with your father until the end of the year it is impossible to give you any more advice.

You have no idea why you are living with your father for the next few months?

If it is as miserable at your father's house as you say it is you can always go to the Police, tell them you are being emotionally (and maybe physically) abused and ask them for their help. Keep in mind that this will make your father REALLY angry - but if you are being abused, then that doesn't matter. You can also be taken to a juvenile home for a period OR until you are legal age.