I met a guy I really liked, whom I was physically attracted to, whom I had a lot in common with intellectually and creatively (we both write). We almost slept together. And then he stopped being flirtatious, but continued to contact me via email and text regularly, talking about film and writing.

I had a feeling he wasn't interested in me other than as a friend, and gave him many openings for him to tell me so, but he never did. When I confronted him on the phone, he said he'd need a few days before he could tell me what was going on. This sounded so obtuse that I figured it had to be something more complicated than that he was seeing someone else. Two weeks passed, and he finally told me that that was the case – he'd been seeing someone.

Here's the thing. He tells me he loves talking to me. He's physically attracted to me and even desires me sexually. He remembers what I say and asks me about my life. He tells me his ideas and asks me about mine. But he does not want me as his girlfriend.

As I mentioned at the beginning, this is not the first time this has happened to me. So, what gives?

I had always thought that the ideal girlfriend/boyfriend is someone whom you consider a best friend whom you also want to sleep with. Am I wrong? If he treats me like a best friend, and also desires me, what's missing?

If it would be just him I would say it's a religious concern, he hasn't recovered from a bad break up, things of that nature. If this has happened to you before I would question whether you appear needy, insecure, clinging.

Perhaps he is concerned that you are far more into him than he is into you. I don't see that he is your best friend.

Why did you "confront" him instead of just asking?

Two weeks passed, and he finally told me that that was the case – he'd been seeing someone.


He's seeing someone? If that's the case, he's off limits.

Maybe he doesn't believe in cheating.

Is he still seeing someone else?

If he is out of that relationship, he still needs to take time to heal. What he doesn't need to do is jump from one relationship straight into another one. I think if you step back look at the situation from a more neutral position you will see that you don't want to be a rebound. Give him time to work through his past relationship.

If he is still 'seeing' the other person, then leave him alone. How much do you actually know about him? Could he be married instead of dating? How long have you known him?

If you're stuck in the friendzone:
"As I mentioned at the beginning, this is not the first time this has happened to me."
You might consider whether you need to work on your relationship skills. Do you take too long to want to move past friendship? Do you take too little time? Do you only become friendly with people already attached?