I am 20 and the past 6 months of my life have been hell.
I am bi polar, I am used to dealing with a lot, I left home at 15, its been tough but I am at the end of my rope.

I was with a guy who treated me very badly, in Aug 2011 he left me and I thought I was going to be OK, I found out I was pregnant, I can't explain how happy I was, young as I am being a mother was all I ever really wanted. I work with children, I am a nanny - I knew what I was in for.

I was about a month and a half along when at work I got heavy cramping in my stomach and as the day went on it got worse - I was looking after a two year old at the time so I put on a big smile and kept working. I sat down and realised I couldn't stand, the pain had become too much - so I called my mother and asked her what side my appendix was on she said right - the pain was in the left side and I was become quite bloated - she panicked and told me to call an ambulance - by the time I did I could barley remain sitting up from the pain - I just didn't want to bother anyone and I was working.
I called the child's mother she got there was the ambulance arrived - I realised I was bleeding.

When I got to the hospital they informed me it was probably just a burst cyst and that I would be OK. . They where wrong, I had lost just over a liter of blood internally - it was not a cyst, I had an eptopic pregnancy and it had ruptured. I was rushed into surgery where I lost my child and my left ovary - they removed a few cysts to - some from the right side.

I was at home for a week when I got sharp abdominal pains - I was rushed to hospital, there had been complications and I had contacted an infection. I was given meds and sent home.

In the months after I was still in a lot of pain and saw 4 doctors and got blood test after blood test but had no answers until 3 weeks ago I saw another doctor who realised the pain was from the infection - it had never cleared - the other doctors thought I had a uti of some kind and thrush - So that was 3 weeks ago - I am facing an ultrasound and a laproscpotic surgery to see if there are anymore complications - depending on the results I am in for more surgery - I have not worked since.

I am trying to hard to be strong - Yesterday I got a dental check up - I have two impacted wisdom teeth and an infection in my mouth from a bad filling, I guess on the upside no new holes in for past four years but I am facing even more surgery and possible infertility.

I met an amazing guy two months ago - he has been standing by me every step of the way - but I am finding it hard even to just live day to day now - I can't keep my moods even, I cry a lot, I get so angry.. I even lash out at him and he doesn't deserve it
- every day I feel like I am fighting just to wake up and face the day and I don't know if I can anymore I am just so tired - My immune system is so shot if I get the flu I will be hospitalised, my glands are constantly sore. The side effects of all the meds make me burn and get migraines even just from opening the blinds to let the sun in - it's a side effect of the antibiotics - sun sensitivity.

I know so many people who take their children and their health for granted, it makes me so angry! For the first time since CBT I can't control my bi polar, I cut myself for the first time in years- my partner wants be to go back into therapy or into a psych ward as my mental health is getting worse than I would care to share..

I know there are people out there that have it worse.

I feel so lost, the more time goes on the less I am coping.

Please don't post the same situation more than once.

Are you still seeing a counselor? And are you taking your meds at the correct dose and at the right time(s) of day?

Sorry - No, I have not seen one in a long time - I normally cope OK. I just don't know what to do.

You don't know what to do?

Well I know what to do about the other question I asked, but I don't really know what to do here. I never found seeing a counselor helpful - I am used to dealing with things alone - even having a supportive partner is making me freak out.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy helped a lot but I wouldn't do it again,apart from that nothing really helped me and now I am having trouble coping I don't know what will help.

If I had written the question you asked (the one in this thread), what would you tell me?

I do not know - Maybe something like you suggested, like seeing someone - that seems to help most people.

What would you tell me when I say counseling doesn't help me and I'm used to managing on my own -- but everything is a big problem, and my life is falling apart?

Im so sorry to hear about your pregnancy. Sometimes it feels like there is nothing left to live for, but there is. I know with everything your going through right now its hard to imagine things getting better, but they will. My son is bipolar so I know that some days are a struggle, especially when things are already tough. I wish I had some magic advice that would make everything better . Try to focus on the positive ,your new boyfriend perhaps your family . Perhaps try another counseler. Please don't get discourged on this site some people are no help at all and shouldn't be giving any advice .with that being said I wish you the best of luck. Don't give up on yourself