I know every girl has an issue with their guys looking at porn because try feel degrading and what not. But honestly I know it is human nature and I am totally fine with it. I'm a girl and I look at porn myself so it doesn't bother me too much. Until one day while checking his computer history I found out that he has been watching porn everyday every chance he got. 8 am in the morning, right when he got to work, lunch time, when I'm sleeping next to him and many many more. While I don't have a problem with him wtching porn, I think I start feeling uneasy to know that he watches it so much. But what bothers me more is that not only does he watches it, he would search up for their names on Google and Facebook etc. When I addressed him about it he said its only like looking up a celebrity. But would guys be OK for their girls to look up naked guys and try to fb them an such? I'm not. And after a big fight I finally told him that to me its totally OK for him to watch porn, as long as he doesn't do so while I'm sleeping. I even watches it with him, but I don't like the idea of him sneaking around doing it. And I also want him to stop looking porn stars up online. Is that too much to ask? He promised me and said its no problem. And shortly a week after I woke up to him watching porn again, right after we just had sex and I passed out. I feel very unconfortable about this and heart broken that he can't keep a simple promise to me. What can I do? We're very sexually active and I always buy new lingerie every week trying to keep out relationship fun. Then why does he watches porn so much? What is he trying to get from it that I can't give him?

It sounds like he has an unhealthy addiction to porn, and porn stars.

He can't keep his promise to you any more than an alcoholic can keep a promise that he/she won't have another drink. At least not without help.

This is just a guess, but the amount of porn he's watching, the extent he's taken this to, it sounds like an addiction to porn.

You can't help him with this. He needs professional help.

How long have you been a couple and how long have you been living together? Why were you 'checking his computer history'?


What is he trying to get from it that I can't give him?

Have you asked him that question?

Is he looking at porn to get aroused or is he looking at it as just another form of entertainment much like some people watch action movies or play video games?

I have never understood looking up anyone you don't personally know on Facebook. However, I do realize that it is another form of marketing for many people in all forms of entertainment from acting to art. For many it really is no different than being a fan of a soap opera actor or a singer. Is he trying to contact them?

I am not saying that your personal feelings are wrong. I am trying to help you find the answers to your questions. If you can put aside your own reservations and concerns to look at it from a slightly different angle, it might help you see other ways of approaching the issues that can work as a compromise for both of you.

You are asking him to break a habit that he has probably had before he became involved with you. A habit doesn't get broken just because a promise is made. It takes time and a lot of effort to stop doing something and change the pattern of thought and actions. There will be times when the person backslides a bit. Calmly talk to him about it. Find out from him why he is watching porn when he does and discuss other things he could watch or do instead. If you are asking him to make changes for you, then be prepared to give help and support. Nagging and being negative might cause him to rebel and actually begin to 'sneak around' to watch it.

Personally, I would be more concerned about him viewing porn at work where it might cause issues with his employment than I would be with him looking at it while I slept.

When he watches it while you are awake and home, do you insist on watching it with him or do you give him some privacy to have some 'me' time? What are your views on masturbation? Are you okay with a person wanting a quick release without having to worry about their partner's needs? Do you feel that he should always turn to you for sexual pleasure? Do you expect him to take care of all of your sexual needs?

In trying to keep things fresh in your relationship, do you talk to him about needs, likes, dislikes, fantasies, etc. Are you trying to guess what you think he wants or hoping that he picks up on clues about you want?

I am a porn advocate. I like it. I use it. I don't have a problem performing with my Girlfriend.

I will admit that I have looked up Porn Stars, but that is mostly to find out what else they have been in. If I find a nice one then I want to have all I can get. That is more my OCD kicking in than anything though.

This is... interfering with his normal life. To a degree. I think it is an obsession and not really a healthy one. Though there are some Model Train people I know that are the same way...

I think you are on the right road. I think he needs to step back, but I am not sure what the best approach on it is.

As Cat1984 said, Viewing porn at work is a problem. Otherwise not so much. How much is it affecting your relationship besides the 'ick' factor?

I'm going to chime in here... guys think about sex on average of every few minutes... you didn't say the total amount of time he spends a day doing it... for all we know it might total 20 minute to an hour a day thus I don't see an issue with it (if it was like 6 hours a day that's different)... Lacking that information to change my mind... I do see you over-reacting, Such as WHY do you have to be there... would you be happy if he demanded HE be there when you watch a chick flick or you can't... or talk to your friends... etc... if you are fine with him watching it... then why are you getting so upset about him doing it? You contradict yourself there.

If you start making demands... then you are darn tootin he's going to sneak around and do it... he's an adult... and you aren't his mom... want to tick a guy off... start dictating what he can and can't do and when he can and can't do it... that will through a chill on the relationship faster than a bucket of icewater when you are having sex will.

Now a lot is dependent about actual total time per day... not how many times a day that matters here. I'm assuming the total time is a fairly low number. Such as an hour or two, not like 5+ hours a day.

No you are right. That is wrong! You are his girlfriend, you should be enough for him. He is addicted, that is why he cannot keep a promise to you. After you look at porn too much, the chemicals in your brain change--creating an addiction. That is why porn should never be apart of a relationship anyway... plus its totally disgusting. He is looking for more than you, you are not satisfying his disgusting addiction. GET OUT!

No you are right. That is wrong! You are his girlfriend, you should be enough for him. He is addicted, that is why he cannot keep a promise to you. After you look at porn too much, the chemicals in your brain change--creating an addiction. That is why porn should never be apart of a relationship anyways... plus its totally disgusting. He is looking for more than you, you are not satisfying his disgusting addiction. GET OUT!

Elizabeth... get yourself help... you need it. Most guys would RUN not walk away from a woman with a piss poor attitude like yours.

Where do you get off thinking YOU are the supreme Queen who can dictate every aspect of another adults life is beyond grasping. I suppose YOU would be happy if some guy was just as unreasonible and controlling as you think you can be?

I'm not being funny I've watch porn a lot it doesn't mean anything bad for example I'm happily married with 2 children and my sex life is excellent. The only reason I watch porn is it helps when your fustrated, its even a relief of stress. My wife knows I do this and she's happy with it so should you. A little tip catch him at it and treat him ;) Its nothing to do with not being attracted to you because if he wasn't he wouldn't be watching porn he would be making excuses up and sleeping with other women. Masturbation is healthy read up about it. If he stops having sex with you then it's a problem and you should talk with him calmly to find the problem and it might be something so little and stupid but do it alone with no one around. I hope I helped

Porn is like anything else. It can be used in a healthy, great, fulfilling way -- or to escape real life. As CravenMorhead says, there are model train enthusiasts, car buffs, fisherman, online gamers and TV watchers who can go totally nutso and overboard and use entertainment in a way that impinges on real life. If he is having a fulfilling sex life with you, able to tend to his necessary duties and responsibilities, and still able to function in his life he probably is not addicted.

He might have a very high sex drive (not super common but it does happen) as well. You know it doesn't mean he doesn't want you/love you, etc.

Watching porn while you are sleeping doesn't seem like a big deal to me -- he might just really think it's innocent and relaxing. If your boyfriend told you that you could watch your favorite comedy shows all you want... but "please, not while I'm asleep and don't Facebook the cast of True Blood or Big Bang Theory" or whatever... if you were a TV nut -- you might just watch while he's sleeping anyway simply because, to you, it doesn't seem like a big deal... and besides, you said it was OK at other times.

It either isn't a big deal to him - or he's getting addicted --- but as long as he has a good relationship with you, you can get through it with communication.

Looking up porn stars on FB is probably like looking up a celebrity - they get zillions of messages and aren't looking to "hook up" with their fans.

No you are right. That is wrong! You are his girlfriend, you should be enough for him. He is addicted, that is why he cannot keep a promise to you. After you look at porn too much, the chemicals in your brain change--creating an addiction. That is why porn should never be apart of a relationship anyways... plus its totally disgusting. He is looking for more than you, you are not satisfying his disgusting addiction. GET OUT!

So you're telling her to control him? Doesn't sound healthy to me, in fact, it sounds even more disgusting than porn.

I would like to see your source (not something you found on the internet), that shows that watching porn changes the chemicals in your brain. I've never heard about that. If you have a legit source I can read, I'd like to read it. Again, not something you found on the net, that's not reliable.

First you entire concept is incorrect, there are many girls who love it, buy it for their boyfrends and many many watch it with him, and use it as a foreplay or for fun.

It has nothing to do with the girl friend and how he feels or things about the his girlfriend.

Men are visual they do not think and act as women do about watching naked people.
If it is not porn on the internet, it is watching 1/2 naked women walking downt he street.

If or is it effecting your relationship and love life is the issue. Not if he is watching porn.

And you are not going to have a big fight if you really don't care that he watches it. If you passed out after having sex, what is wrong if he wants to still look at porn, should he have woke you up and told you ?

He is addicted, it has messed up the chemicals in his brain. I reckon you gave him too much freedom to look at porn and he took advantage.

He is addicted, it has messed up the chemicals in his brain. I reckon you gave him too much freedom to look at porn and he took advantage.

YOu have some major personal issues.

The boyfriend ISN'T your subject... and he has every right to do anything he wants.

YOU don't grant him freedom, he already has it and is entitled to keep it.

Your comment that he has a mental disorder is alo WAY off base... YOU have issues, not him.

Personally, the first time any person I was dating spewed anything remotely like that, was the last time I ever let them grace my company.

Sweetie,

First off I have to say - if you listen to the boys/girls on here that tell you he has every right to do whatever he wants, you're silly.

Sure the man can do whatever he wants, if he wants to be a single man. But a Committed man can not. It is NOT okay for a man to lust after other women, whether they be real or over the Internet. The only woman he should have eyes for honey, is YOU. And if he doesn't, that's a serious problem.

Think of it this way, what if these porn stars he is watching on a computer screen were real, touchable women? What if morning, noon, and night - and even at work - while you are not around, he's sexing up all these pretty women? Are you just going to make him "promise" not to do it when you're not around or are you going to take action?

I was in a very similar situation once, and I discussed it with a friend who told me to get out of the relationship. I believe she said, If he would look up a slut on the TV, what's stopping him from going out and getting some in the real world?

Stupidly, I stayed in it for awhile. Couple weeks later, I got a big slap in the face when I found out he was cheating.

The best thing you can do is let him go and find someone who you can be in a faithful, honest, and healthy relationship with.


I wish you the best!

Sweetie,

First off I have to say - if you listen to the boys/girls on here that tell you he has every right to do whatever he wants, you're silly.

Sure the man can do whatever he wants, if he wants to be a single man. But a COMITTED man can not. It is NOT okay for a man to lust after other women, whether they be real or over the Internet. The only woman he should have eyes for honey, is YOU. And if he doesn't, that's a serious problem.

Think of it this way, what if these porn stars he is watching on a computer screen were real, touchable women? What if morning, noon, and night - and even at work - while you are not around, he's sexing up all these pretty women? Are you just going to make him "promise" not to do it when you're not around or are you going to take action?

I was in a very similar situation once, and I discussed it with a friend who told me to get out of the relationship. I believe she said, If he would look up a slut on the TV, what's stopping him from going out and getting some in the real world?

Stupidly, I stayed in it for awhile. Couple weeks later, I got a big slap in the face when I found out he was cheating.

The best thing you can do is let him go and find someone who you can be in a faithful, honest, and healthy relationship with.


I wish you the best!
That is a sure recipie for a divorce... filed for by him.

Eyes for only one person... thats obsession, not love.

Going to MAKE him do anything? Sorry, MOST spouses would tell the other to take a flying leap if they can prancing around making demands like that.

You are NOT your spouses parent OR boss... and you aren't in any position to make demands. People that do that have no concept of what the term partner means.

Sweetie,

First off I have to say - if you listen to the boys/girls on here that tell you he has every right to do whatever he wants, you're silly.

Sure the man can do whatever he wants, if he wants to be a single man. But a COMITTED man can not. It is NOT okay for a man to lust after other women, whether they be real or over the Internet. The only woman he should have eyes for honey, is YOU. And if he doesn't, that's a serious problem.

Think of it this way, what if these porn stars he is watching on a computer screen were real, touchable women? What if morning, noon, and night - and even at work - while you are not around, he's sexing up all these pretty women? Are you just going to make him "promise" not to do it when you're not around or are you going to take action?

I was in a very similar situation once, and I discussed it with a friend who told me to get out of the relationship. I believe she said, If he would look up a slut on the TV, what's stopping him from going out and getting some in the real world?

Stupidly, I stayed in it for awhile. Couple weeks later, I got a big slap in the face when I found out he was cheating.

The best thing you can do is let him go and find someone who you can be in a faithful, honest, and healthy relationship with.


I wish you the best!

I agree with you, but I wouldn't say it will definitely lead to cheating. Everybody has different opinions on the matter only the op can decide what's right in the end.

I agree with you, but I wouldn't say it will definitely lead to cheating. Everybody has different opinions on the matter only the op can decide what's right in the end.

You would be with her on being left alone, or divorced...

Because few men would put up with that treatment... only the losers that think they couldn't do better would put up with the form of abuse..

Nor would most women if those roles were reversed and he was the paranoid control freak.

You would be with her on being left alone, or divorced...

Because few men would put up with that treatment....only the losers that think they couldn't do better would put up with the form of abuse..

Nor would most women if those roles were reversed and he was the paranoid control freak.

What treatment, being told to stop masturbating over other people? They are in a relationship, they should expect to be told that.

What treatment, being told to stop masturbating over other people? They are in a relationship, they should expect to be told that.

He's NOT subservient to her... nor is she to him.

Just try telling a woman SHE isn't allowed to masturbate, her job is to be his *** dumpster... see how far that gets you.

You are aware that every time you have sex... protection or not... you have the risk of pregnancy?

He has the right to spank the monkey if he wants... EVEN IF they were married... and a WIFE has far more rights to say things than a fiancée or even a girlfriend has.

And NONE have the right to dictate that.

Let me guess... neither of you have been in many if any real relationships... ( and its not real until your been together more than a couple years, not just months)

He's NOT subservient to her.....nor is she to him.

Just try telling a woman SHE isn't allowed to masturbate, her job is to be his *** dumpster.....see how far that gets you.

You are aware that every time you have sex...protection or not...you have the risk of pregnancy?

He has the right to spank the monkey if he wants....EVEN IF they were married....and a WIFE has far more rights to say things than a fiancee or even a girlfriend has.

And NONE have the right to dictate that.

Let me guess...neither of you have been in many if any real relationships.... ( and its not real until your been together more than a couple years, not just months)

Longest 11 months. I don't mind the masturbating bit it's the visuals of other people. Wouldn't mind if he used his imagination.

Longest 11 months. I don't mind the masturbating bit it's the visuals of other people. Wouldn't mind if he used his imagination.

He's got the right to look at anyone he wants... even as a married man.

You watch chick flicks... and don't say you don't.

And 11 months isn't a serious relationship... you haven't even gotten past the being on your best behaviour stage yet... and aren't being yourself yet.

You need to deal with yourself esteme issues... and those are your problem... not his.
I've had a number of multi year relationships before I got married, and a lot more very short ones... I've also been maried for 20 years, we were together for 4 years before we took that step.

I look all the time... my wife knows it, and in fact she knows what I like and even points them out to me... usually before I even see them.

She knows who I go home with every night.


One HUGE life lesson you NEED to learn... you don't change someone else to conform to your own insecurities and issues. They will eventually build a serious resentment... even if they humor you in the beginning. And they WILL eventually walk away.

You have a better chance at teaching a pig to dance... or fly.

Change yourself... don't expect someone else to change to suit you. Or even better... and a novel concept for some. How about finding someone that's more like minded. With over 7 billion people on the planet... there will be more than a few out there.

What treatment, being told to stop masturbating over other people? They are in a relationship, they should expect to be told that.


In a relationship you don't tell anyone anything. You ask.

I notice you have posted on a number of porn threads. What is your interest/concern in porn?

In a relationship you don't tell anyone anything. You ask.

I notice you have posted on a number of porn threads. What is your interest/concern in porn?

I'm also curious how old they are. They have the attitude of a teen, and a young one at that.

Longest 11 months. I don't mind the masturbating bit it's the visuals of other people. Wouldn't mind if he used his imagination.

This seems to be a point some people don't understand. Viewing porn or using any other form of erotica is using their imagination.

When you watch a mainstream movie and get into the plot and character development then you are using your imagination to step into the world created by the actors, directors, editors, filmographers, musicians, etc. Are there parts of the movie you might find interesting in real-life? Are there characters you would love to have a date with in real-life? Does enjoying the full experience of the movie mean you are going to leave your boyfriend for one of the characters? Do you expect your boyfriend to become Prince Charming?

There is nothing wrong with allowing yourself to be pulled into a world of fantasy for a little while.

As I said before, my biggest issue for this op is that he is looking while at work. If there is a chance he is endangering his job, then there is a problem.

This seems to be a point some people don't understand. Viewing porn or using any other form of erotica is using their imagination.

When you watch a mainstream movie and get into the plot and character development then you are using your imagination to step into the world created by the actors, directors, editors, filmographers, musicians, etc. Are there parts of the movie you might find interesting in real-life? Are there characters you would love to have a date with in real-life? Does enjoying the full experience of the movie mean you are going to leave your boyfriend for one of the characters? Do you expect your boyfriend to become Prince Charming?

There is nothing wrong with allowing yourself to be pulled into a world of fantasy for a little while.

As I said before, my biggest issue for this op is that he is looking while at work. If there is a chance he is endangering his job, then there is a problem.

And they are also expecting the guy to suddenly have the thought processes of a female.

Where an erotic novel to a woman is no different to a woman than a Pictorial Mens magazine (or pictures) are to a guy.

Again this is typical thinking of a young teen female... I wonder how old they actually are.

I'm also curious how old they are. They have the attitude of a teen, and a young one at that.


So far 4 out of 4 boyfriends have watched porn - longest relationship was 11 months.

Apparently the boyfriends didn't get the memo that porn is/was forbidden.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/boyfriend-watches-porn-why-does-bother-me-so-much-671207.html

So far 4 out of 4 boyfriends have watched porn - longest relationship was 11 months.

Apparently the boyfriends didn't get the memo that porn is/was forbidden.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/boyfriend-watches-porn-why-does-bother-me-so-much-671207.html

I'd have given them the boot and left them wherever we might have been at that moment if any of my previous girlfriends pulled that on me.

And I've walked out on more than a few leaving them to call someone to pick them up over the years.

Cold yes... but it was smart considering I needed to remove myself from a hostile situation before it escalated to something far more ugly.

He's got the right to look at anyone he wants.....even as a married man.

You watch chick flicks....and don't say you don't.

and 11 months isn't a serious relationship...you haven't even gotten past the being on your best behaviour stage yet.......and aren't being yourself yet.

You need to deal with your self esteme issues...and those are your problem...not his.
I've had a number of multi year relationships before I got married, and a lot more very short ones....I've also been maried for 20 years, we were together for 4 years before we took that step.

I look all the time...my wife knows it, and in fact she knows what I like and even points them out to me...usually before I even see them.

She knows who I go home with every night.


One HUGE life lesson you NEED to learn......you don't change someone else to conform to your own insecurities and issues. They will eventually build a serious resentment....even if they humor you in the beginning. And they WILL eventually walk away.

You have a better chance at teaching a pig to dance...or fly.

Change youself...don't expect someone else to change to suit you. Or even better...and a novel concept for some. How about finding someone thats more like minded. With over 7 billion people on the planet...there will be more than a few out there.

Smoothly, Smoothy, Smoothy.

Yes, us girls watch "chick flicks", but who here is asking the man to turn off wrestling or action packed movies? I thought we were talking about porn. Last time I checked, chick flicks were not porn so what gives a man the right to flop himself in front of it just because we indulge in a genre of movies we like?

And you contradict yourself. "Change yourself, don't expect someone else to change to suit you". If he shouldn't change to suit us, why should we change to suit him?

It all comes down to this girl who created this post, of she is truly so unhappy, there's no reason to stay in the relationship. The guy outright lied to her anyway when he made a promise he most likely knew he couldn't keep.

Smoothly, Smoothy, Smoothy.

Yes, us girls watch "chick flicks", but who here is asking the man to turn off wrestling or action packed movies? I thought we were talking about porn. Last time I checked, chick flicks were not porn so what gives a man the right to flop himself in front of it just because we indulge in a genre of movies we like?

And you contradict yourself. "Change yourself, don't expect someone else to change to suit you". If he shouldn't change to suit us, why should we change to suit him?

It all comes down to this girl who created this post, of she is truly so unhappy, there's no reason to stay in the relationship. The guy outright lied to her anyway when he made a promise he most likely knew he couldn't keep.

ESPN isn't the same to a guy as chick flicks are to a woman... ESPN isn't erotic or tantalizing. Not to a straight man anyway. I'm not gay or Bi so I can't comment beyond the straight guys perspective there. Uless we are watching certain female sports... like tennis (got some hotties there) or beach volleyball. Certain swimming events too. But in general... its not at all the same.

Guys are hardwired to be visual... women aren't that's why a guy gets from a picture with some skiin the same thing a woman forms in her mind reading a romance novel or a chick flick.

We actually do think in very different ways... and that difference is very fundemental in nature.

He can say anything he wants when she makes demands she has no right to make...

Personally, I'd have given her the boot... I have too much self respect to put up with anyone that even thought I should do backflips so they didn't have to deal with their own personal issues.


Know what... this entire thread is about HER demanding HE change... well, her rights end where his personal space begins. She never had the right to make demands of another like that. And she never will. He doesn't have the right to demand she get his name tattooed on her butt or get piercings because he thinks it s hot too. It's a two way street.

If you are making demands.. and presuring the other... you really shouldn't be in a relationship with them.

There are guys that insecure out there... and I have given exactly the same advice to them too. If you have issues... deal with them... don't project them on someone else. That applies to both genders.

She's going to find herself being equally unhappy with any normal guy out there unless she finds the most pathetic dweeb out there that can't find anything better that doesn't have an ounce of self respect. Probibly find them on the internet someplace a long way away.

And it will be that way until she faces up to her own shortcomings. Few guys will put up with that for long. We ALL get sick and tired of it eventually... and if you WANT a guy to cheat or leave you, that's the best way to do it.

Smoothly, Smoothy, Smoothy.

Yes, us girls watch "chick flicks", but who here is asking the man to turn off wrestling or action packed movies? I thought we were talking about porn. Last time I checked, chick flicks were not porn so what gives a man the right to flop himself in front of it just because we indulge in a genre of movies we like?

And you contradict yourself. "Change yourself, don't expect someone else to change to suit you". If he shouldn't change to suit us, why should we change to suit him?

It all comes down to this girl who created this post, of she is truly so unhappy, there's no reason to stay in the relationship. The guy outright lied to her anyway when he made a promise he most likely knew he couldn't keep.


What gives a man the right to watch whatever he wants to watch? You are honestly asking that?

What takes away that right? No one.

He watches porn; it's a deal breaker for her; she ends the relationship. It's as simple as that.

what gives a man the right to flop himself in front of it just because we indulge in a genre of movies we like?

It's called freedom. The fact that you don't seem to understand that men have just as much right to watch porn (which is also a genre of movies) as you do to watch chick flicks, is alarming.

Do you want a relationship or do you want someone that will obey your every command? It sounds to me like you expect every guy you date to follow your rules, to do what you want, and to give up the things they like just to make you happy. No wonder you can't keep a relationship going.

It's called freedom. The fact that you don't seem to understand that men have just as much right to watch porn (which is also a genre of movies) as you do to watch chick flicks, is alarming.

Do you want a relationship or do you want someone that will obey your every command? It sounds to me like you expect every guy you date to follow your rules, to do what you want, and to give up the things they like just to make you happy. No wonder you can't keep a relationship going.

Precisely. Spot on.

Honey Bunches of Oats,


Sure the man can do whatever he wants, if he wants to be a single man. But a COMITTED man can not. It is NOT okay for a man to lust after other women, whether they be real or over the Internet. The only woman he should have eyes for honey, is YOU. And if he doesn't, that's a serious problem.

So no more romance novels, romantic comedies, chocolate, or whatever gets your fire going. The only thing You're allowed is your man. Only when you're single can you enjoy a lady boner with the aforementioned goods. Does that seem as asinine to you?

The only woman he wants to make love to is his woman. That doesn't stop several million years of evolution fighting within him. We have self control, but we still like to look at naked women knowing that we will never get with them. It is the same thing if a waitress bends over just right, or a cold breeze comes, We look. Doesn't mean we're going to try to pounce on them and give them a good humping. It isn't quite lust.



Think of it this way, what if these porn stars he is watching on a computer screen were real, touchable women? What if morning, noon, and night - and even at work - while you are not around, he's sexing up all these pretty women? Are you just going to make him "promise" not to do it when you're not around or are you going to take action?

I am not sure if you have seen porn but there are women like that in the world. Interestingly enough near by him as well. If I were to wander my office I could find several women who fit the porn star motif. They're around me all the time. The girl helping me get off the train, helping me unload my baggage, serving me my cockeliky (sp) soup; They're all porn star quality, let alone walking the campus in town. It is a wonder my pants stay up. Eh? Wanting to sex them up. Oh baby. Oh baby. Give me a break.

Honestly frosted flakes, Give your man some credit. Look around you, especially with the current clothing fashions, and you will see a lot that could turn him on. The 'couple commitment' is a strong one. When a man makes that commitment it means that he's going to turn down all the free out there. Yours is the only home for the little solider. Granted he will take him for target practice, but you're the only target he's going to be going after. Sorry for that anology.

I am offended that you have such a low opinion of males. Seems like a double standard. We can't have playboy calendars but you can have firefighters/police calendars? Give me a break. We promise you, verbal or implied, that we won't mess around on you.


I was in a very similar situation once, and I discussed it with a friend who told me to get out of the relationship. I believe she said, If he would look up a slut on the TV, what's stopping him from going out and getting some in the real world?

Stupidly, I stayed in it for awhile. Couple weeks later, I got a big slap in the face when I found out he was cheating.

Sluts eh? Strong language. I think you're biased.

So why do you think he cheated? Because of porn or other reasons? My terrabyte collection and clean cheating record would like to disagree with you. Strongly.

I would bet my money that he cheated on his previous girlfriend, possibly with you, and so on. I would say that it was a character flaw in him not porn.

You're comparing Apples to Pears.


The best thing you can do is let him go and find someone who you can be in a faithful, honest, and healthy relationship with.


I wish you the best!

If the original poster is still reading... disregard the post I am responding to. The assumption and connections that are being made here are insane and... amazing.

Wow.

If the original poster is still reading.... disregard the post I am responding to. The assumption and connections that are being made here are insane and... amazing. wow.


Right, equating cheating and porn. Amazing.

I think it's about control.

Bravo Craven!

Just want to say to the OP, and the fruit loop (I'm stealing Craven's cereal names) that I've been with my husband for 22 years. He's never cheated on me. He watches porn, and guess what, so do I!

Porn doesn't equal cheating. Cheaters cheat for many reasons. Some cheat because they aren't capable of being faithful (thankfully they're few and far between). Some cheat because of lack of affection at home. Others cheat because of lack of trust, or understanding from the woman they love. Want to guess why your boyfriend left lovemelavender? Considering your controlling nature, I'd go with number 3.

Bravo Craven!

Just want to say to the OP, and the fruit loop (I'm stealing Craven's cereal names) that I've been with my husband for 22 years. He's never cheated on me. He watches porn, and guess what, so do I!

Porn doesn't equal cheating. Cheaters cheat for many reasons. Some cheat because they aren't capable of being faithful (thankfully they're few and far between). Some cheat because of lack of affection at home. Others cheat because of lack of trust, or understanding from the woman they love. Want to guess why your bf left lovemelavender? Considering your controlling nature, I'd go with number 3.
Got to give you a virtual greenie since I need to spread the rep around.

Froot Loops,


And you contradict yourself. "Change yourself, don't expect someone else to change to suit you". If he shouldn't change to suit us, why should we change to suit him?

It all comes down to this girl who created this post, of she is truly so unhappy, there's no reason to stay in the relationship. The guy outright lied to her anyway when he made a promise he most likely knew he couldn't keep.

You should understand the person you're dating/marrying. Know that a man and a woman are different. They have different arousal methods. They perceive the world differently. What you might see might be completely different to a man.

Think of how you get aroused. Think of what it takes. The gently kisses, the feelings of security, of love, and closeness. Think of all the complex emotions that are required. Now here is how a boy gets aroused. Boobs. There. Done.

A lot of romantic movies and romance novels play on the female arousal cycle just as porn works on the male arousal path. Understanding the difference and how that works is vital to know what to expect. Considering this are you willing to give up all that sparks your oven? That is what you're asking him to do.

The poster need to realize what is going on here. Then she needs to decide what is going on.

Bravo Craven!

Just want to say to the OP, and the fruit loop (I'm stealing Craven's cereal names) ....

I didn't read this until after my second post. :-D Awesome

It's called freedom. The fact that you don't seem to understand that men have just as much right to watch porn (which is also a genre of movies) as you do to watch chick flicks, is alarming.

Do you want a relationship or do you want someone that will obey your every command? It sounds to me like you expect every guy you date to follow your rules, to do what you want, and to give up the things they like just to make you happy. No wonder you can't keep a relationship going.

It's called setting standards and having morals. There's a fine line between that and "rules" in a relationship. It should be a mutal agreement between the couple.

It's called setting standards and having morals. There's a fine line between that and "rules" in a relationship. It should be a mutal agreement between the couple.

Shouldn't HAVE to be anything... he's got the right to make his own decisions without consulting her first and agreeing to anything. That's a right that comes with being an adult, and a LOT of things aren't subject to a vote, they just are automatically..

PARTICULARLY as a single man... I am a MARRIED man and I don't have to get "permission" from anyone.

Buying a car... that's something that needs an accord... what I am going to do on my computer... is NOT one of them.

And a wife has far more rights to even express their opinion than a girlfriend does. Not that either is a Queen that must be obeyed, because they aren't.

Otherwise you don't have a relationship... you have a power struggle.

I have to spread the rep Craven, but very well said.

I am female, obviously, and my husband is male, obviously. If I'm in the mood and want to get my husband there, all I have to do is flash him. Actually, I don't even need to do that. I just have to say "You wanna?", and he's there. But, if he's in the mood and wants to get me there, it's a lot more work. Clean the kitchen, get the kids bathed and put to bed, take the dogs for a walk so they're not howling at the door when we're in the heat of the moment (don't suggest letting the dogs in the room, they sit at the end of the bed and watch, and even though I'm very easy going, it's like letting your kids watch, and it's just wrong), shower, brush your teeth, and then seduce me. Poor guy, it's a wonder that he every gets any love at all.

Men and women are wired differently. For men porn isn't cheating, it's visual stimulation. Yes, it's a turn on, just like reading a sexy romance novel is a turn on for most women. If you're never watched a chick flick, or read a romance novel, and got turned on, then you can preach. But I'd bet money that you don't only get turned on by the man you're dating. You fantasize, you dream. Well, that's your porn. If a guy told you you had to give that up or he'd dump you, wouldn't you wonder why?

I have to ask lavender aka Cocoa puffs (sue me, all the good cereal names are taken), do you masturbate? Have you ever? If you say no, you're either a liar, or a nun.

It's called setting standards and having morals. There's a fine line between that and "rules" in a relationship. It should be a mutal agreement between the couple.

Well good luck finding a guy that agrees that porn is evil and agrees to let you dictate what he can and cannot watch or do.

Maybe you should find a girl instead. Many girls will agree with you about porn, just look at this site. But guys... not so much.

Froot Loops,



You should understand the person you're dating/marrying. Know that a man and a woman are different. They have different arousal methods. They perceive the world differently. What you might see might be completely different to a man.

Think of how you get aroused. Think of what it takes. The gently kisses, the feelings of security, of love, and closeness. Think of all the complex emotions that are required. Now here is how a boy gets aroused. Boobs. There. Done.

A lot of romantic movies and romance novels play on the female arousal cycle just as porn works on the male arousal path. Understanding the difference and how that works is vital to know what to expect. Considering this are you willing to give up all that sparks your oven? That is what you're asking him to do.

The poster need to realize what is going on here. Then she needs to decide what is going on.

Since I only took the time to skim through most of what you said - being as you said the same biased things as everyone else - I'm not going to attempt to call you out on every little aspect of your posts.

However, I'm going to take this into Biblical terms. Don't know how many of you readers are or are not believers, but the Bible plainly states that a man that lusts in his heart has already cheated on his woman.

I'd say whipping it out and jerking off to porn stars is lusting upon the heart, ergo cheating.

Call it normal, call it perfectly fine, call it what you will. I've said my piece and I didn't come here to argue with armatures. I simply came to give this girl some GOOD advice.

Any replies will be a waste of your time because I'll be paying them no attention.


Have a good day all. :)

Shouldn't HAVE to be anything....he's got the right to make his own decisions without consulting her first and agreeing to anything. That's a right that comes with being an adult, and a LOT of things aren't subject to a vote, they just are automatically..

PARTICULARLY as a single man.....I am a MARRIED man and I don't have to get "permission" from anyone.

Buying a car....that's something that needs an accord...what I am going to do on my computer.....is NOT one of them.

And a wife has far more rights to even express their opinion than a girlfriend does. Not that either is a Queen that must be obeyed, because they aren't.

Otherwise you don't have a relationship...you have a power struggle.

I have to spread the rep. Well said.

If my husband bought a new car, or anything big, without consulting me, I'd be mad, as I'd expect him to be mad if I did the same.

But, unless I'm cheating on him, he has no right to dictate what I do to get myself off. I don't cheat, but I do take care of my own needs. He's not always around, so should I have to sit here frustrated because he can't be here 24/7 to make sure I'm sexually satisfied? Should I expect him to sit around frustrated when I'm not around, or not in the mood?

That's ridiculous!

Since I only took the time to skim through most of what you said - being as you said the same biased things as everyone else - I'm not going to attempt to call you out on every little aspect of your posts.

However, I'm going to take this into Biblical terms. Don't know how many of you readers are or are not believers, but the Bible plainly states that a man that lusts in his heart has already cheated on his woman.

I'd say whipping it out and jerking off to porn stars is lusting upon the heart, ergo cheating.

Call it normal, call it perfectly fine, call it what you will. I've said my piece and I didn't come here to argue with armatures. I simply came to give this girl some GOOD advice.

Any replies will be a waste of your time because I'll be paying them no attention.


Have a good day all. :)

Like we really thought you were even open to ANYTHING but your very narrow minded perspective on life.

Don't be whining when you are alone or with a world class dork that lacks any testosterone. Because no normal or real man would put up with that mindset.

And don't bring the Bible into it... men had multiple wives and a whole lot of sex going on or they wouldn't have had the huge families. Not the very narrow sliver of time that was called the Victorian period where you were supposed to believe sex was a bad thing.

However, I'm going to take this into Biblical terms. Don't know how many of you readers are or are not believers, but the Bible plainly states that a man that lusts in his heart has already cheated on his woman.

This is a worldwide site. We have people of every religious belief, and of every non religious belief known to man, on this site. If you want to preach about the bible, go to the religious forum. This is the Adult sexuality forum, and there's no place for your God here.

I have to spread the rep Craven, but very well said.

I am female, obviously, and my husband is male, obviously. If I'm in the mood and want to get my husband there, all I have to do is flash him. Actually, I don't even need to do that. I just have to say "You wanna?", and he's there. But, if he's in the mood and wants to get me there, it's a lot more work. Clean the kitchen, get the kids bathed and put to bed, take the dogs for a walk so they're not howling at the door when we're in the heat of the moment (don't suggest letting the dogs in the room, they sit at the end of the bed and watch, and even though I'm very easy going, it's like letting your kids watch, and it's just wrong), shower, brush your teeth, and then seduce me. Poor guy, it's a wonder that he every gets any love at all.

Men and women are wired differently. For men porn isn't cheating, it's visual stimulation. Yes, it's a turn on, just like reading a sexy romance novel is a turn on for most women. If you're never watched a chick flick, or read a romance novel, and got turned on, then you can preach. But I'd bet money that you don't only get turned on by the man you're dating. You fantasize, you dream. Well, that's your porn. If a guy told you you had to give that up or he'd dump you, wouldn't you wonder why?

I have to ask lavender aka Cocoa puffs (sue me, all the good cereal names are taken), do you masturbate? Have you ever? If you say no, you're either a liar, or a nun.

I'm not sure if I should be flattered or creeped out that everyone is referring to me as such tasty names. And since we've resulted to this, Cupcakes, my personal life and what I do is quite frankly none of your business.

However, I'm going to take this into Biblical terms. Don't know how many of you readers are or are not believers, but the Bible plainly states that a man that lusts in his heart has already cheated on his woman.



I knew it! *sigh*

Your cross to bear. Don't quote bible at me. Bible doesn't know human nature, behaviour, or psychology. I am not going to go into this aspect of it because it doesn't have a place here.

You have your right to believe what you want. It doesn't apply to everyone. Remember that.

I knew it! *sigh*

Your cross to bear. Don't quote bible at me. Bible doesn't know human nature, behaviour, or psychology. I am not going to go into this aspect of it because it doesn't have a place here.

You have your right to believe what you want. It doesn't apply to everyone. Remember that.

Doesn't explain the fact that 10 or 12 kids from ONE woman wasn't uncommon back then either, sometimes more. Most of their post puberty life was pregnant and/or nursing a small child.

There was only one immaculate conception after all. They probably had a lot more sex going on because they didn't have TV back then. But they DID have porn and they had it well before recorded history began.

Religion is out of place on this Board - good conversation with a religious board.

When all else fails, thump the Bible.