So, my boyfriend and I's story is definitely a lot to take in.. I will give you a little bit of background information. We have been dating on and off for 8 years from 15-currently (23). Considering we have grown up together we have a lot of past that is very tough to get through to actually be happy together. I come from a very religious family and have been raised that drugs and sex before marriage is unacceptable.. Being in a family of five girls we definitely have had our fair share of stories. But as for him he comes from a home different then mine, more accepting and understanding I guess. He has been in and out of jail and prison for the last 5 years due to drugs. He is by far the worst drug addict I have ever seen in my entire life. He ended up in jail many times for using, selling, and everything that comes with drugs! So I have been put through more than hell and back in the last 8 years.. He always lied about drugs and being sober so I'd believe him that maybe he is sober and we'd continue to date, we'd break up and get back together when he was sober. So after like 7 1/2 years he went to jail (the most recent time) and came out a new man and drugs were no longer apart of his life. He's changed and has been sober for about 9 months now..

I am so proud of him but along the way I have done things to hurt him that he never knew about. I knew if I ever told him while he was doing drugs he'd get even more into drugs and over anything else I didn't want him dead. So like 6 months ago I told him everything I've ever done to him, cheated on him with two of his best friends, cheated on him with other people, a girl (which he was probably the most hurt about) and I have just been 100% honest to him since. He says he respects me for telling him because he would've never known but I am a very honest person and I couldn't not tell him. I felt enough guilt for holding it in for so many years. So now our relationship is CONSTANT negativity, things will be REALLY good than REALLY bad. We'll get along so well, than he'll think of something or something will remind him of my infidelity and he'll snap and call me all of the names under the sun.

When I originally told him all of this 6 months ago I gave him like a week to think about everything and I asked him if he would be able to continue seeing me after everything I confessed and he said he did and he still loves me and was willing to do what it takes to make this work. So we did, counseling and all. Now its pretty much every day he has to say something or make a HUGE scene and fight with me.

The other day our fight was so bad I broke his TV and he broke a door and I broke a couple other things.. Our love is so strong but so extreme at the same time. We still want each other and love each other after all of this time but I don't know what to do anymore, it is so exhausting and hurts me every day. The only reason I'm still here is because I love him and he loves me.. Please we CLEARLY need a lot of help.

First of all, I welcome you to this wonderful site!

Why not to sit together and share all your doubts and apprehensions, which you have, with him? If you love each other so sincerely and if it is genuine, as it seems from the things you mention, I hope and am sure, the road is smooth and sober for you. Sure, just keep the friendship, and the past will surely go off, slow and steady. Time is a great healer, remember.

Best of luck!

Thank you! I've never done anything like this before

You opened Pandora's box because you are selfish. To tell him those things that you know will torment anyone, while using honesty as an excuse, to just clear your mind when YOU were the one that committed the mistakes was wrong. I would have left you, you are lucky he hasn't, or at least not yet. However, if you are still trying to be with him, and he still wants to be with you, he needs to get over it on his own, be good, and give him time.

I don't know what the right thing would've been after all this time. And I never told him because I hated him for always choosing drugs over me while for the first 4 years was so committed to him and loved him and he was never there.. I was young and stupid for staying around then. Now I am trying to make things right. I just don't know what the next step is and in the meantime we are both hurting but still love each other..

It is really nice that you put your original photography here. Your hair look beautiful and seem to be trimmed just recently. Looks like as if you are just out of the beauty parlor. So, I hope you will meet him and talk of the matters I told you.

Telling the things boldly and frankly does not make you selfish, I presume. And, if you attempt hard to make him rid of drugs, you are doing a highly ethical and appreciative task. And, if he leaves the drugs, for good, he can sure be a life-partner material, for you. Not?

And when I am replying to you, when it comes down to it those are the reasons but along the way there is much more to it that I have written here. Feel free to ask whatever questions, I'm sincerely in it to better him and I

Fighting, talking and still being together. It is really how the love flourishes!
Sure, you have moments together. But, what does he really say now? What is his opinion about you, about future and about his own life? What does he do and what is your profession?

I think you would be well served to back off and give him time to relearn the things he did not, when he was doing drugs, adjust to being out of jail, and time to deal with his addiction.

Use this time to understand it, and know the role you play in his recovery process. I think you could use not only understanding but better management of your own feelings at this time as you both are still young and learning, so learn with guidance and knowledge.

That may take a few years of hard work.

Kahani,
We definitely have moments but I feel like more than normal. Now he'll get mad at me and will take it out on me until he's over it at that moment. He calls me names, says I'm a horrible person and very just mean things to me.. His opinion I'm sure has changed since everything. He treats me differently and doesn't respect me like he did before. Understandable, I know but I also don't deserve this either. His own life, he doesn't work, he doesn't really do much other than play chess, hang with friends and me. He lives at home still and since he's been out of jail he's stayed home to prevent himself from getting into the wrong scenes and also he knows A lot of people due mainly to drugs and he is an amazing person so its I'm sure hard for him to stay away, considering where I live and who is still here pretty much isn't going anywhere.. I work at a yoga studio now but we don't really have much ambiton right now I feel like our relationship is 100% of the time work. I just want to be positive together and move on and into an amazing future and it's not going anywhere.. :/

I presume going to a career counsellor or professional psycologist can help, for sure. Make him join some job or work, so that when he is invovled his whole mindset changes for positive and he starts thinking seriously about life. By the way, what is it which makes you think that he is an amazing person - his look, demenour or personality? What?

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