I love my husband, but but feel frustrated and smothered almost daily anymore. We have been married for 26 years. He was very controlling and jealous when we dated. I don't know if it was a lot better for years or if I was too busy and w/o a personal life to notice. We had 2 sons (1&2yo) when my sister and her husband were killed. We took their 3 girls(2mo. 5&8 yo) and raised them.I also took care of 3 mentally challenged people-full time (in my home)plus my grandmother for the last year of her life. The past few years have brought huge changes for us. All of the children are grown and moved out.Him & I are the only ones left in the house.We worked together (self-employment)for the majority of those child raising years. We decided that path was no longer working in today's economy. He went back to work full time as a union carpenter. I continue to run our business at 1/2 the pace we were used to. I was left feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, and without a purpose once the house was empty and I was not "needing" to practically live in the shop. I tried some changes>> part time job,hobbies,diet, exercising, etc. I finally seemed to get a little footing on our "new" life, when I realized how often he was "on" me. He saw it as some kind of grand plan that I had lost 20lbs,went back to my natural colored hair,started to re-connect with my best friend from HS, and that she talked me into a Facebook account. He didn't appreciate my new healthy eating habits and thinks exercising is over rated. That being said- with each snide comment from him, I TRIED to remember that he was dealing with a lot of change himself too. No matter how many times we have argued or I tell him how it annoys me, he continues with the same habits. He "quiz's" me everyday. Where all did you go? Who did you talk to today? Who texted you today? Did you chat to anyone on FB? Got any messages lately? If we have a big go round about it. He will stop temporarily, while he is pouting and replaces it with "its none of my business what you do" "I haven't asked you anything because obviously- you don't want me to know" type comments.Once the storm blows over, we just resume our roles once again. Then there is the every time I go to leave or enter a room comments. "where you going?" "what were you doing?" drives me nuts!any time I am on the computer , he stands over my shoulder or lurks around the screen. Anytime I touch a key results in "what are you typing or who are you talking to?" If I am typing or texting a chat- he wants a play by play of the conversation. If he go out (and yes friends& family have made comments) you would think he is my co-joined
Twin. He completely over reacts if any male shows me much attention, talks to me for "too"long, teases me in any way. Has a arsenal of comments he uses daily. Who was flirting with you today? I know you don't want me anymore. You don't love me like you used to. You don't have time for me. I know your friends are more important than I will ever be. and on & on. It is exhausting! I can not hold his hand and reassure him every minute of every day. He is 45 years old, not a child, I raised my children! I guess I have somehow let it get to this point. The more insecure and controlling he becomes, the more it pushes me away!I have never done anything that he shouldn't trust me, but clearly he doesn't. I have no secret life, but yet long to have "something" that he isn't a part of. I know we need therapy- but will that be enough? He only gets mad and defensive when we try to talk about these issues.