bellyupbob
Mar 4, 2012, 10:47 AM
Hi all,
I recently separated from my girlfriend, and I'm finding it a really tough time. We were together only for a few months, but when we met it was simply perfect. We got on so well, had so many things in common, so many similar likes and dislikes, and began making so many plans. Then an ex from her very recent past got back in touch. At first it was nothing, but after a while he started to get into her head. She started showing signs that she wasn't really over him. We talked it over and it became clear she wasn't yet over him at all. She told me that they were together on/off for a few years and she went back to him a few times, but every-time she went back to him he kept hurting her. She painted this picture that he really was not a very good boyfriend to her, but she couldn't help go back to him.
Anyway, things started to get a bit intense between us because she was telling me she wanted answers from him, why did he hurt her and stuff like this. She said she wanted to contact him and it seemed to occupy her mind quite a bit, it started to get between us. I told her I loved her, but I couldn't deal with having a third person in our relationship, so she had to decide what she wanted to do. At first I suggested a short break, to give her time to think things over. But she kept contacting me during the break telling me she missed me and loved me. We broke the temporary break and I stayed over at hers for a while. Things between us began getting more intense, because although at first she told me she wouldn't contact him, she then started saying she wanted to email him every 6 months to tell him how she was doing! Then it went to having coffee with him! This just seemed to confuse me even more and we started arguing about it. At the same time, I noticed she was being distant towards me and to make matters worse, I found out she secretly texted him during a night out with her friends and she tried to hide it! This hurt my feelings as I didn't feel she was being honest with me.
Additional to this, I also started to find out that she was texting ANOTHER guy! Like day and night, how we used to chat when we first met. This only seemed to push us further apart and cause more heart ache and pain - especially for me. I was constantly upset and sad, and this must have been too much pressure for her. During Valentines Day we had a really bad day, it was almost ruined, because of the contact she was having with this other guy - and on a day that was supposed to be about love between partners! It almost separated us, but I managed to salvage the day/night and it ended OK - still a tense atmosphere, but it went OK.
Then as further time went by and with things between us getting more and more intense, she decided that we needed an indefinite break - but I could tell where things were leading. This just upset me even more. All the while telling me she still loved me and wanted to be with me. I was so confused. Only 24 hours later, just because I put on my Facebook that I was going down to my mums to sort my head out and sort my life out, she took offence to this and decided she wanted to separate. This mortified me, even though I knew that things were heading this way anyway. Whilst down at my mums we chatted some more on the phone and she said she was sorry but just needed the time. My head was all over the place and my feelings equally disparate. Further time rolled by and so many things happened and was said. She said she wanted to have time to sort herself out, so I gave her time (all be it not long!), she then called me again to say she loved me and missed me. I said that I couldn't deal with her telling me she wanted to separate, but then kept calling me to tell me loved me, so I said let's go NC for a while, just until she was ready.
A short while went by again and the NC just got to me. I hated it. And I know it got to her too. So I emailed her telling her that I preferred to be just friends, but still was happy to give her time and space. I didn't crowd her at all or suffocate her during that time. It was her that wanted to separate and I told her that although I would give her what she wanted - time/space - I also needed to move on in my life, but was here for her. So I changed my FB profile from being in a relationship to single. My friends saw this and rallied round to support me and check that I was OK. I also then started making plans to see my friends - both girl mates and guy mates. I have one girl mate who is quite overly touchy feely and affectionate in her messages, she is harmless, but in a message I posted to her saying let's hook up with our parents for lunch, my girlfriend got jealous and accused me of sleeping and flirting with her! This again mortified me. She wouldn't take my calls and again distanced herself from me while I tried to explain to her what was really happening. She refused to talk to me and this made me feel very hurt, again, so I lost all dignity and was left feeling humiliated because I left her a voice message crying my heart down the phone that nothing was going on and that actually even though I was trying to get on with my life by wanting to see my friends, I was actually a wreck and a complete mess without her. She chose to ignore this and didn't listen.
This just frustrated me and in the end I messaged her out of anger and frustration and said a whole heap of things that I now regret - her reply seemed to suggest that she was coming round to my way of thinking and was about to make a massive gesture which would have showed me her true feelings! However, she said that because of my messages and voicemail she felt I was a different person now and she considered me a stranger. This has been running around in my head ever since, what if it was ME that messed things up and I just made the biggest mistake of my life!! I then emailed her again and told her to leave me alone and not contact me, and that I couldn't take her mind games any more or be treated like a puppet.
Since then she hasn't contacted me and I haven't contacted her. She has taken me off Facebook and blocked me - not that that is important, but it still hurts nonetheless. I now regret telling her to stop contacting me. I have a set of her house keys I need to return to her. I'm thinking of taking them around to her with the view of telling her I made a mistake and that I didn't mean the things I said, especially the NC!
What do I do? I feel so lost and empty. I don't know if I can move on so easily without speaking to her at least one last time. I know I should go NC and give her time and space, but I still need to give her back her keys. Should I send them in the post and maintain my position, or should I try one last time? Should I give it a shot, what do I have to lose? So confused and sad :-(
I recently separated from my girlfriend, and I'm finding it a really tough time. We were together only for a few months, but when we met it was simply perfect. We got on so well, had so many things in common, so many similar likes and dislikes, and began making so many plans. Then an ex from her very recent past got back in touch. At first it was nothing, but after a while he started to get into her head. She started showing signs that she wasn't really over him. We talked it over and it became clear she wasn't yet over him at all. She told me that they were together on/off for a few years and she went back to him a few times, but every-time she went back to him he kept hurting her. She painted this picture that he really was not a very good boyfriend to her, but she couldn't help go back to him.
Anyway, things started to get a bit intense between us because she was telling me she wanted answers from him, why did he hurt her and stuff like this. She said she wanted to contact him and it seemed to occupy her mind quite a bit, it started to get between us. I told her I loved her, but I couldn't deal with having a third person in our relationship, so she had to decide what she wanted to do. At first I suggested a short break, to give her time to think things over. But she kept contacting me during the break telling me she missed me and loved me. We broke the temporary break and I stayed over at hers for a while. Things between us began getting more intense, because although at first she told me she wouldn't contact him, she then started saying she wanted to email him every 6 months to tell him how she was doing! Then it went to having coffee with him! This just seemed to confuse me even more and we started arguing about it. At the same time, I noticed she was being distant towards me and to make matters worse, I found out she secretly texted him during a night out with her friends and she tried to hide it! This hurt my feelings as I didn't feel she was being honest with me.
Additional to this, I also started to find out that she was texting ANOTHER guy! Like day and night, how we used to chat when we first met. This only seemed to push us further apart and cause more heart ache and pain - especially for me. I was constantly upset and sad, and this must have been too much pressure for her. During Valentines Day we had a really bad day, it was almost ruined, because of the contact she was having with this other guy - and on a day that was supposed to be about love between partners! It almost separated us, but I managed to salvage the day/night and it ended OK - still a tense atmosphere, but it went OK.
Then as further time went by and with things between us getting more and more intense, she decided that we needed an indefinite break - but I could tell where things were leading. This just upset me even more. All the while telling me she still loved me and wanted to be with me. I was so confused. Only 24 hours later, just because I put on my Facebook that I was going down to my mums to sort my head out and sort my life out, she took offence to this and decided she wanted to separate. This mortified me, even though I knew that things were heading this way anyway. Whilst down at my mums we chatted some more on the phone and she said she was sorry but just needed the time. My head was all over the place and my feelings equally disparate. Further time rolled by and so many things happened and was said. She said she wanted to have time to sort herself out, so I gave her time (all be it not long!), she then called me again to say she loved me and missed me. I said that I couldn't deal with her telling me she wanted to separate, but then kept calling me to tell me loved me, so I said let's go NC for a while, just until she was ready.
A short while went by again and the NC just got to me. I hated it. And I know it got to her too. So I emailed her telling her that I preferred to be just friends, but still was happy to give her time and space. I didn't crowd her at all or suffocate her during that time. It was her that wanted to separate and I told her that although I would give her what she wanted - time/space - I also needed to move on in my life, but was here for her. So I changed my FB profile from being in a relationship to single. My friends saw this and rallied round to support me and check that I was OK. I also then started making plans to see my friends - both girl mates and guy mates. I have one girl mate who is quite overly touchy feely and affectionate in her messages, she is harmless, but in a message I posted to her saying let's hook up with our parents for lunch, my girlfriend got jealous and accused me of sleeping and flirting with her! This again mortified me. She wouldn't take my calls and again distanced herself from me while I tried to explain to her what was really happening. She refused to talk to me and this made me feel very hurt, again, so I lost all dignity and was left feeling humiliated because I left her a voice message crying my heart down the phone that nothing was going on and that actually even though I was trying to get on with my life by wanting to see my friends, I was actually a wreck and a complete mess without her. She chose to ignore this and didn't listen.
This just frustrated me and in the end I messaged her out of anger and frustration and said a whole heap of things that I now regret - her reply seemed to suggest that she was coming round to my way of thinking and was about to make a massive gesture which would have showed me her true feelings! However, she said that because of my messages and voicemail she felt I was a different person now and she considered me a stranger. This has been running around in my head ever since, what if it was ME that messed things up and I just made the biggest mistake of my life!! I then emailed her again and told her to leave me alone and not contact me, and that I couldn't take her mind games any more or be treated like a puppet.
Since then she hasn't contacted me and I haven't contacted her. She has taken me off Facebook and blocked me - not that that is important, but it still hurts nonetheless. I now regret telling her to stop contacting me. I have a set of her house keys I need to return to her. I'm thinking of taking them around to her with the view of telling her I made a mistake and that I didn't mean the things I said, especially the NC!
What do I do? I feel so lost and empty. I don't know if I can move on so easily without speaking to her at least one last time. I know I should go NC and give her time and space, but I still need to give her back her keys. Should I send them in the post and maintain my position, or should I try one last time? Should I give it a shot, what do I have to lose? So confused and sad :-(