Raiise
Mar 3, 2012, 02:55 PM
I was with my boyfriend for almost 2 and a half years. We broke up 4 months ago. I broke up with him, due to insecurity and his insults. He was insecure for a lot of our relationship, and I made a huge attempt to help him through it; it eventually stopped and he was much happier. However, I became insecure and it seemed as though he'd had enough of the thought of insecurity and he made no move to help me.
Anyway, I broke up 4 months ago, and I regretted it instantly. Straight away I was asking for him back which I realise now was a huge mistake. I kept on having panic attacks and asthma attacks, and things were spiralling downwards. I'm currently on 12 tablets a day because I became so ill, and I can literally sleep all the time; I'm also getting confused between dreams and reality, and I'm still crying every day.
He was constantly being on and off with me and eventually he told me he was in two minds about everything. Half of him wanted to get back and the other half didn't.
When he was not in the mood of getting back, he was awful to me. Truly awful, making me feel horrible about myself. However when he was feeling loving, he'd treat me so well. It was like he had all the power and control over me and I was letting him.
We met last weekend, and he said to me he reckons we're going to get back together. Things seemed really great however that Monday he said to me 'I've had a reality check, we're not going to get back.' This, to me felt like closure. I realised that he is never going to come to one decision, especially after four months of constantly changing his ways. So I stopped asking. I told him I've accepted and I'm going to try and move on, I was happy in front of him, and he seemed okay with it. I even kissed another boy, which was the first person I've been able to kiss since me and him broke up. I felt okay; until my ex began to change. He kept sending me constant hate messages, telling me to die, and how much he hates me and has no love for me anymore. Is this true? Then to my face he began doing it as well, and he pushed me twice into a tree and a wall. I understood he was angry. But then suddenly he changed again; he's completely blanking me now. And I'm trying to do the same.
I just want to be with him again because I'm struggling so much mentally and health wise, and there is so much potential with my ex and I. And I don't know how to go about it. Thanks for reading x
Anyway, I broke up 4 months ago, and I regretted it instantly. Straight away I was asking for him back which I realise now was a huge mistake. I kept on having panic attacks and asthma attacks, and things were spiralling downwards. I'm currently on 12 tablets a day because I became so ill, and I can literally sleep all the time; I'm also getting confused between dreams and reality, and I'm still crying every day.
He was constantly being on and off with me and eventually he told me he was in two minds about everything. Half of him wanted to get back and the other half didn't.
When he was not in the mood of getting back, he was awful to me. Truly awful, making me feel horrible about myself. However when he was feeling loving, he'd treat me so well. It was like he had all the power and control over me and I was letting him.
We met last weekend, and he said to me he reckons we're going to get back together. Things seemed really great however that Monday he said to me 'I've had a reality check, we're not going to get back.' This, to me felt like closure. I realised that he is never going to come to one decision, especially after four months of constantly changing his ways. So I stopped asking. I told him I've accepted and I'm going to try and move on, I was happy in front of him, and he seemed okay with it. I even kissed another boy, which was the first person I've been able to kiss since me and him broke up. I felt okay; until my ex began to change. He kept sending me constant hate messages, telling me to die, and how much he hates me and has no love for me anymore. Is this true? Then to my face he began doing it as well, and he pushed me twice into a tree and a wall. I understood he was angry. But then suddenly he changed again; he's completely blanking me now. And I'm trying to do the same.
I just want to be with him again because I'm struggling so much mentally and health wise, and there is so much potential with my ex and I. And I don't know how to go about it. Thanks for reading x