First post here. Hello everyone!

To het the right question. I am going to share my story with you all. Sorry if it was too long.

I'm married. We had a year for date and then got married after that but we lived apart for 1 year because of sponsorship and then now I have been with my husband for 1 month. I have 3 kids from my previous marriage and still haven´t any child together yet. He was divorce without kid but had a messy past relationships. I love my husband, I think he is great and I'm always thinking about him. I miss him when he isn't around (like at work). Or even when I am angry with him.

But the thing is I just can't get over his past. It bother me a lot because before he met me he had unsuccessful with his 5 years old marriage life. 3 years lived with other woman and after her he lived with other one for a year and then dated someone for a year which are quite serious and all of them gave each'other promised rings, etc... By what I found out and from his confirm, he had sex with at least 15 different women by their short dates which under 6 months. He was in deep love with 4 or 5 of them who knows anybody else and when the relationship were done, he always tried his best to get his ex back but thing didn´t work as he wanted. The general is after few time break and came back, they lost interest about each other and decided to not continue anymore but there have a woman that he seemed spent and wasted time the most to tried to get her back but just same same, it doesn´t work. When he met me, he still talked about her as he was stupid to lost her, etc... which I felt that he puted her so high while she didn't care, because I found my husband late email address which used to wrote for women then I can say that since they met each other, he is the one who always tried to be lower and lower, I felt he lost his personality when he wrote her long loving emails so often and got back short email with coldness and unrespect, but he continue and continue did that crazy thing until I found out. We had great agrument about that. While dating me, he still wrote her and tried to get her back. He made me felt that he was so weak and stupid and not honest.

At the very first time he dating me, he still go on dating site to find other women and paied for 6 months membership for datingsite again and still sent email and flirts women after gave me an engage ring, so he still contact with his ex and continue with dating site at that moment. He made me dissapointed. I felt he didn´t respect me and cheated on me.

I even found out that he still talked with a married woman that he found from Facebook and wished to have a wife like her, etc... That made me confusing why he wanted a wife like her, a marriage woman but spent long time to talk and wrote long sweet email so often to a guy that she knew that he tried to added to find a relationship by that way. So I felt unrespect him because of that, because I think he was so idiot to wished to have someone like that to become his wife.

Still added his ex'wife to his Facebook even they were divorced for over than 12 years long and talking by phone and helping each other if needed and went out together ) no sex= but when he came back he wrote her that he missed their sex life and wished he could sleep with her again, she was the cheater one in their past relationship, that was the reason pulled them away. That made me doesn´t feel trust him anymore. After her, he has been lived with many different women but he still though about his ex'wife that way? After 12 years? Digusting is what I can say about my feeling when I read emails that he sent to her like that.
I am very jealous with his past, including not respect him from what he done in stupid ways with his life. Nobody is perfect, but he still though that he wasn't stupid and he even can't accept that he was stupid. But he was!
I felt in love with him very much, first because he is handsome and honest, at the first time, I felt I love his little stupid when we talked about something. He was a nice guy and he share with me everything about how he doing to make money, etc, it was bored but we were fine to talk and share like normal people.
He have a job but for me at that moment, like a normal person, I compared him with other men, and he was a looser, but I chose him, because I believe that my feeling for him was stronger than others, but choose him mean choose no money, no bright future, which a woman with three children like me need to be careful to decide. And the most important that my family were not accept him because he wasn't made them feel he could give me a good life and they will don't care about me anymore if I choose him. I knew that was not easy to decided to be able to switch my life and adjust it suit with him, but I don't mind. My point is I never put money first on the serious relationship. For me, money and everything are just materials and fake, which today we may have but tomorrow may be lost and can find it again. But I believe that the real love is will stay forever.

About the numbers of women that he F*****. That those B***** make me sick whenever I think about them. Before married. I told him that I can't stand to see anything from his past in his house, he promised he will remove all of them because they are nothing and he told me don't worry. I trusted him. At the very first day arrived. I found many documents that he planned future with his different women in his bedroom. I found manything from trips, vacation plane tickets, photos film, his picture with engage ring, love letters. Greeting cards, survenir thing, etc... I felt that he wasn't honest and lied to me. He didn't do anything or remove anything as he promised. I was going crazy and wanted divorce him because I hate the feeling of betraying, I hate it when I he promised but forget. Sometimes, I hate myself to married him while I could married someone else that much better than him about everything and my feeling for them was also very good at the same time I met him. To follow this relationship. I against my family and deal for it until the end, but now I feel I have enough and have no more energy to invest for him. I lost patience and easier to being angry very fast compare with before. I lost control as well so often. I hate that.

I'm just so damn jealous, I don't know why, I am very confident about myself. I am very good looking and charm, I am a good cook, sweet, tender and lovely, people compliment about that too so there are no way to feel inscure about myself. I used to try to compare mine with his exes and I am so proud myself that they all so far away from me from everything, about how they look, style, skills, etc... So what is the right word to tell about my problem? When I have only one problem ( big problem) that I really HATE to see anything that related to them or imagine that he had sex with a dozen of women. I always think about him loved them crazy before I don't know what to do. Almost 3 years I have not been able to forget about it or let it go. It drives me crazy. Every time I get intimate with him I start thinking about it and picturing in my mind him with someone else, then I get upset and jealous and don't want to finish and then I make trouble right away whenever it comes to my mind like a storm and a big movie turn on in my head about his sex life... Sometime it comes in very stupid way if we talk about some topic that I guess that he share the same thing with his exes. When he love me, passionate, etc... I will though about how he did the same thing with others. I will feel very upset and hurt and then don't want to talk to him, ignore him, etc... I driving him crazy too? That why he is changing, he got used to treat me badly, hader by dirty words that he swears and throw me on bed more often, make love to me, kissing me... In angriness and yell to my ears that: I love you, OK, I love you, stop your craziness. I hate him and I hate myself too because without jealous, we are a wonderful couple, but I hate him because of the list of problem that I listed above... Which had half that I found out after married...

I know the jealousy that I have is not welcome in our marriage life, it hurt very much and break my heart whenever I think about. I know the important thing is he is not a bad guy, he is a good husband for me, wonderful father for the kids. I do realize this was his past and it happened before he knew me, and I know I shouldn't even be thinking about it. He has never cheated on me since we married and never would. The thought of cheating just simply is not going to cross his mind, so it's not like I don't trust him to be honest even I always said that I don't trust him, but I do. I never think he's going to cheat or anything like that; I know for a fact he never would. It is simply a case of being extremely jealous because other women were sex with him, and I don't want anyone else touch me husband. I want to be able to have him all to myself, obviously that can never happen. I just can't stand the thought of his moaning and being vocal over another woman being with him. His threesome really bothers me too, just knowing he was a little wild back then and is so conservative now makes me wonder how he can change so drastically.

We have discussed this many times at great length. It often causes arguments. I'm a jealous prick and I admit it. I wish I could forget all about it and pretend like he wasn't ever with anyone, but it just won't go away, damn it.

Apparently, even I tried and tried to stop my jealousy but it seemed very difficult, there are multi jealous topic for me
Our relationship is awesome other than that. I treat him well with all my love but when jalousy comes over then I can't control it.

I know a fact that everyone has a past. I want to accept it and move on to our beautiful life with happiness smiles everyday but what I should do? I can't smile while I feel upset. I am not an actress. I can not try to swallow everything to control myself and do not want to build-up my stress with the feeling that I can't showing when I feel bad about. I especial don't want to stress him out too. Because I love him very much. But when I think about that, I just want to leave him alone or don't want to continue in this relationship anymore. What wrong?

A few things concern me - did you marry him knowing his past?

Did you marry him knowing he was contacting other women and on a dating site?

Did you meet on line, perhaps on an International marriage/dating site?

He hurts you by throwing you on the bed, having forced sex, calling you names? He makes you feel weak and stupid?

I don't know what the problem is here or why you are so insecure. I think you need to speak to a counsellor, with or without him. He apparently has cheated in your face, including telling his ex-wife that he wishes they could have sex again. He sounds abusive and for whatever reason he has you convinced it's your problem, not his.

I'm curious as to the beginning of your relationship AND why you "stayed" with him during all of this? And where is the father of your children?

Yes, our relationship was from an online dating site. My ex-husband was a gable guy, enough to let me divorced him. I married this man without accepable from family because my future will brighter in Europe with them where I could find a right man for myself and close to family, but I wasn't listen to them, I followed my heart. He cheated me before we married and at the first dating time (4 months since he gave me promise ring. I found out everything from his email by accident. Because he gave me his password for his usual email to confirm his sincere, unfornately it was not the email that he used to contacted with women. From some relatived links from the email that he gave me the password, I found it. And it was hurt me when I saw his email that sent to his ex including their photo and begging her back. But there was no answer from her, she moved on as she never love him ever. I couldn't fine anything that called love from all of his exes, they all used him when they are newcomers, like whores, who can use sex to have something for free, need somewhere to stay for free, free foods, free guider. When their wings are grow enough then they left. I felt sick to think about that, when I ask him, he said: maybe it was love, maybe just for sex, and those women for a man is normal in this world nowaday. Normally, we are happy, but when we are argue, I can't stop bring those thing back into the dicussion and it always hurt me back. When I get angry, he will try to calm me down and hug me tight but I hate that. I just wanted go out to breath and come back and don't want to look at him or argument with him, etc, but he never get away from my body. He said: You are crazy, you go out at this moment is dangreous ( midnight) there are nothing dangreous, well) So I requested him not to touch me and get away from me and let me alone if he don't want agrument. Then he can't do that, so he kept me tight even I said I felt uncomfortable he still do whatever he wanted and then if I pulled him away to get away of him then he will blame that I hit him, hurt him, and then he called his friends to cry that I hit him, please help him. I laugh on his face: How old are you? You caused all the problem, not respect my freedom. I just want to get away from you but you didn't allowed me to do that then what I should do with a strong man like you? What I can do is I only can pull you away as much as possible because as long as we talk about that I feel you were terrible and digusting.

5 days ago.I ignore him, he came to hold me again, as I said, I really hate that so I tried again to get away of him but I couldn't. So I used my leg to pulling him but it was in his knee, it was hurt. He can't stand and then he pulled me down to the coutch very bad and then strangled me to shut me up with his envil eyes until I cought or feel pain and tired and no more pullsing him.

Yesterday, samething happened again, I falled down to the floor because wanted get away from him, so he jumed out of his chair and pulled backward my arms to the bedroom like an animal and then keep two side of my hair to put my head up and down manytimes. I was cry and told him that I can't continue to live like this anymore, I will come back to Europe with my family and restart my life with a worthy man and give him back his freedom, then I will never ever forget or forgive for what he done with me so he also cried: I am so sorry, I am crazy, I am sorry, baby, you driving me crazy, I just want us to be happy, never repeat the past anymore and I love you with all my heart, you need to trust me, it hurt me when you told me that you don't trust me, please understand, etc...

Now mybody are painful because of fighting. Why he can't just let me alone when I don't want to arguing? Why he wanted controlling me?

He controlling me from what to wear, which I told him very clearly that I am a fashion person and don't ever control about it, he promised and he forgot and, who know what he wanted forget, I am so tired in this relationship. But there are no more cheating since we are married. But I can't forgive him that he still kept his all document with his exes INSIDE the bedroom where he knews that it is unaccepable. I was very clearly about that. He said he didn't have time for that, I hate to hear that and he still blame that all are my fault, if I do not have jealous problem then no problem to see that. But he knows me very well. He can't say that, I can't accept that, at least he say sorry for that but he just blames me: because you are jealous that why... He didn't respect his promised and also didn't respect my feeling. He have no idea how I feel when I saw all of that... I told him: If I wasn't clearly about everything, cleaning everything then who knows tomorrow or few year later you will find a way to contact with your exes again? I only limited that but I can't change you, people don't change, they just grow, I hope you are really clean your mind.

I have to learn to live this life, missing everything, can't buy anything that I want to buy because no money, because my family ignore me without support, I chose him and accept everything but I think he didn't know how difficult is this for me. I used to live with a good life and have everything before, now I have to start to learn everything again in a new country. I feel so sad and lonely and don't know what to do but I can't share with my family at that moment because they will laugh to what I called love and fighted with them for almost 3 years to be with him!!

When I married him, I didn't know too much about his past, I though that he divorced and then date outside a woman for a while. I didn't know that he lived with many women like that and slept with dozen of women... I feel betraying when I found out, but it was too late. We married, I changed him to be better and he is better to be honest, I prouded at the date we were married and now I feel sorry about that! A year apart with camera and phone was more wonderful compare with present. If I was angry to him, I will lock my phone, ignore him and he will have to find a way to contact me, but now is not: He said: Finanly, you are here, no more phone lock, no more bull****, you think that you can do everything you want like a quuen, but from now on, you can't do anything like this anymore. Get use to it.

Since I live here, it was a month, and agruing 80% and fighting because of the S*** thing from his past that I found. I feel like hell. Why I married him for this stupid life while I have many chance to get in a thousand time better relationship. He treats me very bad now but he blame it was because my jalousy caused everything but he never confirm that because of him ( thing I found) make me sick... I feel very very bad!!

I don't know why you haven't mentioned your children, and how they have been affected by what I suspect is mutual combat, between you and your husband.

If you are able to describe your jealousy, and jealous rages, and, continuous and relentless thoughts of his past sexual partners, why haven't you been in counselling to address this.

If he is, or has become since you've married him, physically abusive, and dominating, why is there nothing in your post about calls to police. How bad does it have to get before you, and your children, need emergency assistance. What happens the next time he puts his hands around your neck, things go too far, and you're killed.

It sounds to me that if you had known prior to marrying him, about his past, and realized along the way he was not a person you wanted to live with for the rest of your life, you would not be in the position you are in now.

Nor would your children.

That you have stayed together for three years, without any help- maybe marriage counselling, or anger management for both of you, I am not surprised that a pattern has developed. And that pattern is jealousy, fighting, increasing violence, and no resolve. How do you think this is going to end up?

The two of you need help. Neither of you are providing a very healthy environment for your children, and their needs should come before anything else.

If nothing else, with the violence increasing, the fighting escalating. And the potential risk to all concerned, this toxic relationship is only going to continue to get worse.

He is putting his hands on you. He could leave your children without a mother.

I say get out - now.

Anybody agree with him that he didn't done what he promised me is right? As I told him that I accepted everything to be with him but everything should be clean before I come to live with him. I had many choose to be with other men and he knews that more than anybody, that why he accepted to trick me? I think I have my right to resquest him before married if he accept or not, and he did agreed. He accepted me and he understand that he have to respect his promises and my feeling because he knews very well that I can't stand with a liar.

I though all of my requested for him including his promised are our agreement but maybe now I am depend on him everything so he think he can do whatever he wants. I can't call the police because I want to fix this problem, we just live together for 1 month only and 3 years was to deal with my family for this ''wonderful'' love. For me, to call a police that mean end the relationship. But I am not ready for this, because I love him.

In fact, we have a healthy relationship during almost 3 years, of course have agruing like all couples in the world and he was gentle more than enough to be patience with everything and always treated me tender until now, I meant during 1 month I am here and exactly is since I found everything then again I feel betrayed. This is not only about jealous, it was including betrayed feeling, no matter what he tried to explane. I feel angry like I never feel before. And then what happened? At that moment? He said sorry and sorry but for me it was not simple like this, really was a big problem and since I saw them. I hate him, I really hate him. I don't believe that he didn't know thing he have in his bedroom. And even thing from the first women, how can I stand? You know how many women he lived with after her? How many women that he slept with after her? How many address he changed since their relationship broken, he still bring it here, for what, I can't stand, he moved himself with her and with all of his memories without remove, without respect for his next partner. As he told me he remove a big box that full of picture, etc... already but he didn't know why still have more, so funny. My request was very clear and I was repearts manytimes. First year, I said: If you can't moved on from your past, if you still keep it then we may not need to get married, think about that and clear everything before we continue. He may forgot? No way, he is always like this, sometimes, he said something and then after that he said he didn't said that. I wished I had record every single thing to deal with him.
Last night, I wasn't slept with him, usually he will use violen to hold me back and got my reaction to get away of him, because at that moment, I feel disrespect him and felt nausea. But he didn't do that anymore, because he told me that he thought when he hold me tight, mean he could make me calm but it wasn't work with me, it made me mad and crazy and hurted him while I wanted get away. Early morning, he came to me to touch me and kissed me and carried me to bed. Well. I do love him but I feel there have some wall that making a very big distance between us. I know jealous is not right, but I still feel that it was too much. I didn't learn to handle with his sexual life which are too much for me. For me, I only accept him before. Divorced, dated a girl outside, but what I found? He lived with many of them for a long time, how can I handle that? Whenever I look at him, I feel bad. I mixed love with hate for him, I don't know what to do to fix my feeling... If I stop then he will treat me well, but I can't accept that he blames that everything is done was right and I was wrong. I hate people like this!

I'm not sure what you want, or need, as far as advice goes.

You fail to see that you do not have to stay in a mutually combative relationship, where hate and love are mixed up into one toxic poisoned mess.

Do you really care if you are entirely right, and he is entirely wrong? What exactly are you going to win by continuing your marriage? Broken bones? Neighbours calling the police? Domestic violence charges? Authorities investigating your home and life to make sure your three children are safe?

You have even yet to acknowledge that you ARE hurting your children by choosing to live with this man, let alone what you are prepared to do about it. Stay? Leave? Counselling?

Many points have been addressed to offer you a little insight into how dangerous and destructive your life is, but you don't seem to get it.

You and your husband don't have arguments 'like normal people' in a healthy relationship. Arguing the way you do it, only leads to violence. It is NOT normal.

I take it then that you are just here to vent, but you really don't care to seriously address any problems.

Entirely of course, your choice.

Yes, you can see that I am feeling so messy now. Please don't think that I don't care, nobody spending time to talk about something that they didn't care about. I need help, really serious and need to find a way to save our relationship. I am learning and fixing and taking your advice very seriously.
Now I am thinking about it, and there are something that I am thinking about:
1) Should I give him a change and believe that he said the truth that he wasn't deliberately keep those things in his house?
2) Should I forgive him that at the first dating time, he wasn't sure about our long distance relationship so that why it took 4 months for him to moved on from his past? That was okay for him to continue contacted with women during first 4 months?
I am glad that he moved on and faitful with me after that. But I just can't stand with the jealousy and angry because he wasn't
3) I need to fix my jealous problem, stop thinking, imaging, learn to control myself everyday. If I want to talk about that then I will try to talk about something else or make a game to play together and keep busy, get out of the dark cloud and be happy?
4) Should I think in another way that the reason he was hide his past just because he afraid he will loose me if he tell me everything? Because he knews I am so jealous?
5) Right now, even he angry with me, he still wake up early together with me to take care for the kids, cooking and bring them to the school, sweet with them no matter what. For the kids, he is wonderful.
6) Everything are fine without agruing and just because I can't stand those thing so I was the one who always made trouble first, not him, for me, I just hate the feeling that he lied. But maybe he wasn't? I will take it easier.
7) I also confirming that he is a wonderful man, but not when we arguing. He was never like this before. So thing happens because of jealousy, jealousy is so ugly.
8) My health is damage from jealosy, I choose the best products to taking care my beauty but this is not healthy for it if I continue live in his past.
9) He loves me, love my children, working hard for our family, is a good man, this is the most important thing.
10) Life is too short to be unhappy. And divorce is so espensive price to pay for 3 years worked hard to protect our love until the end and let it happened by the way we wanted.
11) There are nothing to win in a relationship.
12) I will try to be happy everyday
Thank you so much for your advices and wish you all the best in life.

Please let me know if my thinking are right?

Here's my concern - your "problem" with your husband is far too complicated to be answered on a public board. When anyone says "leave" you post how much you love him, how dependent you are on him. I'm not sure you are looking for advice. Maybe you're looking for a discussion.

No one knows whether you should or shouldn't believe him because no one here knows him. We only know what you have posted. We don't know what his side of this is - if he, in fact, has a side.

He can't change what he's done in the past, women he's been with, things of that nature. Every time you accept one of his lies you accept that behavior. You can either harden yourself to the realities of his past life or not - you can either stay or go.

I'll keep repeating the same thing until you understand it - he is ASSAULTING you. He is putting his HANDS on you. He is VIOLENT with you. Is this what you want your children to see?

Thank you very much for your advice. But all what I want is find a way to save the relationship, if he will not change after that then I will think about leave, divorce is easy but we worked too hard to be with each other, I want a chance for us. Last night after made a plan. I was refresh everything with him even I feel I didn't want to. Everything seemed very much OK and he wished everyday will be like this without repeat about thing happened. For me, it is so easy for him and I feel this is not fair. Anyway, I may stop talking about that, right now, yes, for a while, but I am not sure how long can I hold it and even if I could do that to let us happy but I still feel empty in my heart because what I am doing right now is not 100% natural and is mixed with opposed emotional. I just want to learn to forget and forgive him and give him a chance this time. I am now is blaming that life is not perfect as what I want to, so just accept it the way it is or not stay anymore then I haven't decide yet. I think I need to find a professional to talk about it seriously to find a right way to do and I told him about that, he agreed. So, I hope thing will be better. Thank you so much for your help.

And I also hope your life gets better. You can't make it better all by yourself but it sounds like he's trying, too.