Hello all,

A bit of background: I am a 23 year old in Atlanta, GA. My father resides in Atlanta, GA (originally from NC, as I am, and lived in Maryland, Georgia, and possibly currently lives in Michigan, I am not sure if he has left GA). I first contacted him in 2010 when I learned some information on his whereabouts, I was 22 at the time, and he seemed to express interest in going forward. I foolishly felt that contacting him as an adult would put us on amicable playing field (wrong).

Since then, and quite typically, he and his family abruptly severed contacts with me (we've never met and have only spoken on the phone). My mother did not sue him for child support because he comes from a wealthy family and my mother is a very prideful, independent woman. Now, she is no chronically ill. I have no father, no legitimate siblings at this time, and I desperately want some sort of anchor or connection to my personal history.

I recently discovered that I have a 20 year old brother in Maryland whose mother sued my father for child support. His wages were garnished as a result of this, and this probably explains his sudden indifference towards me (he's been through this before). This is a game changer for me, I originally wanted verbal acknowledgement, pictures, a bit of knowledge about his medical history. Now I desperately would like the name of my brother and his mother in Maryland.

Questions: I am a bit puzzled on where to go from here and have limited resources. I've spoken to a dozen lawyers, and no one seems to know what rights I have. I am seeking knowledge of any siblings and whereabouts (particularly this brother, but I'm beginning to wonder how many of us are out there) and medical information. Back child support had never crossed my mind before recently, but I have to admit his indifference has riled me up quite a bit.

Any thoughts on the next step I should take? Cases or precedent in this type of situation? Does it matter that I have no acknowledged father? Can you offer a success story? Please share anything you like. At this point knowing I am not alone in this brings be a bit of solace. We work so hard to track these men down, I would find it so unfair that some statute of limitations may preclude me from getting this information.

Thank you all,
K.H.

You have no rights here. If your half brother agrees to contact you that is his option. If he chooses to not contact you, that's his right.

You might be able to sue to get medical info from your father's side of your family. But they also have the right to not be in contact with you.

Child Support is paid to the custodial parent to raise the child. That you are an adult and that your mother never filed for support, pretty much makes support a non issue.

My recommendation is that you seek counseling as to why you find a desperate need for this "anchor".

A note - I do not know my brother's name, and to my knowledge, he doesn't know I exist. That is quite a predicament, so you can understand that I know it's his choice to seek me out, but he cannot do that if he isn't aware that I exist.

There are web sites where you can post your info and if he sees it, can contact you.

If he did receive child support, you may be able to find a public record of the support order.

I would just like a bit of closure, and my motivations should truly makes no difference to you seeing as this is a legal forum. You basically reiterated what I already know - that this area is murky and as an adult my options are unclear. I was looking for guidance, and frankly your advice is garbage. No clear resources, no insight into this type of case. Glad I could support your quota. And thanks for the pithy recommendation. I'm glad I brought you a moment of pleasure as you sit at your pathetic desk evaluating people's lives.

To your credit, that last answer wasn't total garbage. I'm looking in to that as well.

Here's what I have seen - you hire a private investigator. That person finds out anything that is public record, including your "brother's" name and contact info. You have the same right to contact him as you do to contact me - we are both total strangers to you. He can either respond or not.

You don't have the right to harass him, of course.

I agree with Scott - why do you need this "anchor" or closure? I don't see how contact with this person will help you in your life.

I don't understand your reference to the Statutes of Limitation - you cannot, of course, file for support for yourself and your mother chose not to file many years ago. Is there DNA proving that this man is your father?

There was a question posted from WNY some time ago about someone who went to Court and forced DNA testing of a man she believed to be her father - same thing. No child support ever requested. After legal fees and Court hearings DNA was ordered (she had health problems), he WAS her father, he got a restraining order against her and that was the end of that. I believe he did not offer full medical disclosure.

The idea of the adoption registry is a good one - maybe someone will look for you. At some point maybe your "brother" (I put that in quotes because I don't know you have had DNA testing) will search his father's name and ask about siblings on line.

Good luck.

I would just like a bit of closure, and my motivations should truly makes no difference to you seeing as this is a legal forum. You basically reiterated what I already know - that this area is murky and as an adult my options are unclear. I was looking for guidance, and frankly your advice is garbage. No clear resources, no insight into this type of case. Glad I could support your quota. And thanks for the pithy recommendation. I'm glad I brought you a moment of pleasure as you sit at your pathetic desk evaluating people's lives.

Boy that's some chip on your shoulder! The situation is not as murky as you think it is. You are entitled to medical information from your parents. That's all! You are not entitled to be embraced by people or family that you are only related to by biology.

I thought I pretty well outlined your options.

You don't seem to understand how this site works. We don't just answer quesdtions, we try to help people deal with the problems they bring to us. Hence my recommendation for counseling. I understand the need for closure, but you may not get it. YOU were the one who stressed that you were desperate. My point was that you are your own person. If you are so desperate, you may be able to get help to deal with those feelings, if you can't satisfy them.

And frankly, your other comments are offensive and violate the rules of this site. I have no quota, you asked a question I felt I could help with and did.

Since I had a family member go through virtually the same thing, I'll tell you what we found out.

You have no rights to anything. If this man doesn't want to be a part of your life you will have to get over it. It is his right to privacy and to live the life he chooses, whether it is morally right or not. That may have been a time in his life that he regrets or is not proud of.

Your mother would have been entitled to child support had she filed for it, she did not. You are entitled to nothing whether you want it or not.

As for medical records, get genetic counseling if you fall into an ethnic background that has certain disorders.

Otherwise, get counseling for your "closure." You aren't due anything from this man.

I'd still like to know how the Statute of Limitations is involved here.

On a personal note, I understand your frustration. I'd also be frustrated with "my" mother who HAD the opportunity to get support and information (and perhaps closure for you) and did not. That aside, if you contacted this man with any type of attitude I don't question why he walked away. If he thought you were surfacing because you want something from him (whatever that "something" might be) he very well may have decided that your birth and growing up have been closed to him for 22 plus years and he wants to keep it that way.

JudyKayTee, thanks for your help. I did not have an "attitude" with my father to be clear. I was nothing but kind, understanding, and open to whatever he needed, time, information. I asked my father if we could correspond through letters, email. We ended our last conversation a year ago on a positive note, he planned to call me within the month. I was willing to forget and forgive the fact that he knew about me for most of my life and never sought me out (which he did and acknowledged). This are things that I have to "suck up" to some extent, I know this.

I had "attitude" when responding to Scott because I asked a paternity related question and was met with the accusation that I have a chip on my shoulder and need counseling. I'm frankly tired of explaining why I would want to have a paternity test as an adult. I didn't see a picture of the guy until last week. Can you imagine not even knowing what your father looks like? All I want now is a relationship with my brother whose name and whereabouts I do not know (if he and his mother are open to that of course).

To my knowledge, without an acknowledged father (meaning no one else has stepped up in my lifetime) I can petition for paternity even as an adult in the state of GA (I've talked to 6 lawyers about this - no one can agree entirely, but suing for paternity and medical information is possible). It just costs money to do this, and I wanted to weigh my options and see what other information I could get on the subject before I go forward.

I guess it's the chip on my shoulder talking, so I am going to apologize to you Scott. Because I should, not because J_9 thinks I'm a snot nosed kid that should apologize (a compelling argument, but I'm not that bad). I took offense to what you said. I guess I was overly sensitive, and I felt like defending myself in that moment. I'm struggling right now. I told myself I didn't care about this stuff for a long time, but I was lying. I do care, and I'm trying to do something (anything) about it. Makes me angry.

I would delete this post if I knew how, honestly. I'm not even sure how to delete my account. This is intensely personal, and not something I should have pursued on a forum anyway. My mistake.

JudyKayTee, thanks for your help. I did not have an "attitude" with my father to be clear. I was nothing but kind, understanding, and open to whatever he needed, time, information. I asked my father if we could correspond through letters, email. We ended our last conversation a year ago on a positive note, he planned to call me within the month. I was willing to forget and forgive the fact that he knew about me for most of my life and never sought me out (which he did and acknowledged). This are things that I have to "suck up" to some extent, I know this.

I had "attitude" when responding to Scott because I asked a paternity related question and was met with the accusation that I have a chip on my shoulder and need counseling. I'm frankly tired of explaining why I would want to have a paternity test as an adult. I didn't see a picture of the guy until last week. Can you imagine not even knowing what your father looks like? All I want now is a relationship with my brother whose name and whereabouts I do not know (if he and his mother are open to that of course).

To my knowledge, without an acknowledged father (meaning no one else has stepped up in my lifetime) I can petition for paternity even as an adult in the state of GA (I've talked to 6 lawyers about this - no one can agree entirely, but suing for paternity and medical information is possible). It just costs money to do this, and I wanted to weigh my options and see what other information I could get on the subject before I go forward.



- Thanks for coming back and posting. I understand things a little bit better.

I'm not defending your father by any means but perhaps - and just perhaps - your mother should have made some attempts to place you in his life by pursuing support - ? He would have possibly countered with visitation. I see so many of these cases where the mother does what she think is best for the child - tough it out, don't ask for support, don't let the father visit with the child - and the child grows up and blames the father and often the mother.

At any rate my concern with what you posted to Scott was that Scott is a very well respected expert on this site. Those of us who have been around for a while are basically friends (like real life, there are exceptions), and some of what you posted was beyond criticizing his response to you. If you didn't like the response or how you felt he was portraying you you had the option of saying that without getting nasty. That's done, of course, but a post like that makes me (and I can only address how I think and feel) hesitate to chime in for fear I'm next on the chopping block.

A vast number of adopted children don't know what their mother or father look like. It's unfortunate but in those cases photos are very often out of reach of the adoptive parents. I have friends who are adopted and have adopted - I am not aware that anyone dwells on the subject. I don't know, of course, if you do.

I researched GA law - I'm in NY, by the way - and I find nothing definitive in either direction. I do find that you can request medical background info if it is deemed necessary and appropriate AND that request can be granted by Court Order... without contact with the other party. You would, for example, request your father's medical info. He could/would fight your request. If the request is granted for specific medical reasons (and it can't be an "in case" request) you could/would be furnished the info BUT not a "right" to have contact with your father. He could continue to refuse your calls, letters, contacts.

I find that DNA can be ordered for that purpose (of course, who wants medical info from a stranger) OR for purposes of support (and you are over the age where support will be granted).

Now - what would I do? Did I tell you I'm an investigator for law firms in my area? (Not insurance companies, almost never for private individuals) IF your purpose is to locate your brother I would use the adoption sites or locate relative sites and post as much info as you have. Keep in mind if paternity has not been proven you could be sued for posting false info IF you post the name of your father.

OR you could hire an investigator to search the Court records in the jurisdiction where you believe your brother and/or father resided, get his name and all other info (the records are not always sealed) and attempt to locate your brother in that fashion.

I can see your father's resistance. Once DNA proves he is your father he has inheritance questions and problems. His family may not know about you. I have no idea what he's thinking. Did he indicate that he believes he's your father? I would be prepared, if push comes to shove, for him to insist he is not and was, in fact, one of many men acquainted with your mother. That's very often the case - a man accuses the woman in the hope that she will back down.

I would pick one Attorney you can work with, get a firm price quote, give that person a retainer, and then go with that one Attorney's advice. It's not unusual for Attorneys to approach situations from different angles with different solutions - doesn't mean one is more right or wrong than the next. It just means that everyone's experience (and sometimes expertise) can be different.

I think these are your only options at this point - what do you think?

Yes, sorry but you sound like you want someone to quote some magic law that will force him to give you all this info. But it does not exist. There is no law or requirement for him to even talk to you, and he is not required to give you any information. In fact if you bother him too much he can even get a restraining order against you.

Can you imagine not even knowing what your father looks like? All I want now is a relationship with my brother whose name and whereabouts I do not know (if he and his mother are open to that of course).

Yes I can. My husband is adopted as are 2 of his siblings. They have no idea who they look like, or their medical history. My SIL did find her birth mother 4 years ago, as well as 2 of her siblings. It did not end well and she is still suffering from being "disowned," not once, at birth, but twice (when she found her birth mother). Sometimes its better to leave well enough alone.

Apology accepted. I get the impression that you think your situation is uncommon or unique. It's not. We DO understand the angst you are feeling and we are not unsympathetic. But you asked a legal question and that question has been answered.

So now we try to help you deal with what's left. Since you have very limited legal options, you have to turn into yourself. You have to learn to deal with your feelings that you lack something because a part of your family is closed off to you. I'm not trying to minimize thoise feelings, but my suggestions were to help deal with them.