My boyfriend and I broke up almost two weeks ago. It wasn't really a break up because it wasn't something that I wanted at all. We have been together for two years and have had so many happy times, but also have been through a lot of tough times.

We didn't see each other for six months when I studied abroad and he couldn't visit, and we had to deal with a lot of personal problems like his mother's jealousy of me (he's an only child) and his best friend's alcoholism and sexual harassment of me. I was also the first person from my family to have an interracial relationship, which was a big step (if you can believe that, in this day and age). At the end of the day, we always worked through it.

Things have been really hard, though, because he is a Dream Act kid. For those of you not privy, the Dream Act is a law for children of immigrants that's trying to pass through Congress to let kids who were brought to the U.S. By their parents (with no say in it) and who ended up somehow illegal here to work their way towards citizenship by graduating from college or being in the military.

My boyfriend's mother brought him here when he was seven because she wanted a better life for herself and for him. Instead of doing the smart thing and reapplying to update their Visas, she was selfish and let both hers and his expire. He didn't find out until he was in ROTC in high school and, being interested in applying for the military, found out he couldn't because he didn't have a social security number.

This terrible and unfair decision his mom made has haunted him since. He and his family have been lucky and able to pay for his college tuition out of pocket and with private scholarship. Right now a sympathetic, international small company gave him an internship and a scholarship for the work he does (like they do with everyone else), but after he graduates he can't get a job because of the problem. He's the top of both his classes in the university and people have told me all the time what a genius he is, but he can't even support himself with a job at Burger King. This has been very hard on us both, and I have worked two jobs nonstop to pay for our living expenses. He tutors to make extra money he needs for small bills, but that doesn't go far and is unreliable.

We have talked to State Senators, multiple military personnel and dozens of lawyers to try to figure out what's the best solution. The only fair solution is obviously the Dream Act, because it's a direct fix to the policy problem. I see it as a matter of children's rights, because he never got the choice to decide his situation and his mother and the government are responsible for not addressing things in the best interest of his welfare. I have worked for years as an advocate for children's rights organizations, so this really hits home for me personally.

He has become so depressed that the Dream Act won't pass that he's determined that marriage is the only option - he can't return to his home country because he has no life there and the whole country is in a state of emergency (rebel police forces tried to assassinate the President and it's not very safe). Originally he said he would marry me on the condition that we get divorced, because he feels like he's not ready to be married. I disagreed, because I saw how expensive and messy my parents' divorce was and wanted to stay married at least for a while. I figured we might as well see how we liked it, and we could always get divorced if we felt like it. I'm committed to him either way, so it's not a big deal for me. I love him and if our relationship is hurting (and it has been hurting) by politician's immature and selfish decisions, then I don't mind.

Over the past few months, though, he insisted on the idea of marrying someone else, either a stranger or a friend. He even asked me if we could still be together at the same time, a situation I found impossible. There's no way I could lie to everyone that I don't love him or want to be with him anymore for five or more years, watching him live or be with someone else (even if it wasn't romantic) and just freezing everything for so long. I considered the two options and said I would marry him and then get a divorce.

During this time, his grandma (who practically raised him) has been dying slowly of heart disease and his mother has recently been diagnosed with stomach cancer. My own parents have been constantly having issues and making life hard, and both he and I have been working from early in the morning to 3 a.m. Nonstop to try to make ends meet. We're both graduating with two degrees in a few months and cramming in as much work as we can to not delay our education and have to pay more (which we can't afford). Honestly, I'm surprised we've made it this far.

This has meant that we've spent little to no time together, and hardly any time doing fun things and reminding ourselves of our relationship. Slowly everything started to become like a chore to him, and I watched him become indifferent to activities he used to love and people he used to care about (friends, family, myself). He started to lock how upset and stressed out he feels up and take it out only at home with me, always showing this happy-go-lucky face to everyone else while blaming me and our relationship privately for how constrained he feels. We've both talked about this so many times, and have admitted the reasons we've fought and struggled aren't about the relationship but about his failure to honestly address these problems he's carried (some of which are crosses and lessons unlearned from his ex-girlfriend years ago).

It's jumped around from "you're not my friend" to "you're not my family" to "I don't love you anymore" and even to "I'm just using you to get what I need now until I find something better I want." I don't think this is true because when we have sex, when we spend time together alone or with friends, when we just have a normal conversation and talk out his stress, he is much happier and apologizes and enjoys being with me. It's just this awful cycle of self-destructiveness. I understand that well having dealt with suicidal depression, but at least I try to cope with that (even though he's offered little support when I've asked for it or needed it).

I couldn't stand watching him do it again, so I told him not to come back until I had left, and to get his things and go. I told him that I love him and I love us, but I can't convince him to love us if he doesn't want to try. I defriended him on Facebook, called up some of our friends and told them what was happening so they could try to help him where I have failed. Problem is, I still don't want this at all.

I like his grandma, and I don't want to have her die and never get to say goodbye. I like his aunt and his cousins and his uncle, and I feel like they want me to be a part of their family. They've always been so nice to me. My family has a messy and complicated past, but they have come to stand by and support my boyfriend through the Dream Act. My grandpa even wrote a letter to his Congressmen lately.

More than anything, I love my boyfriend. I feel like I'm not helping him but only enabling him, but I'm so afraid that by not having me to talk to anymore he's just going to close up and shut down hard. I hate this whole break up. I hate seeing his clothes gone, and I burst into tears at the sight of his calculus books. Nothing feels right anymore, my ability to work is slipping and trying to take care of the smallest personal upkeep seems dauntingly impossible. I've dated a lot of people, and from the get-go I knew there was something about him. Since day one it's been him, and everyone else has paled by comparison. I'm truly not blinded here - I'm not one of those "perfect love" expectations kind of person. We are an amazing fit together, for both our flaws and our better parts. It's just this one thing that I can't help him with that's tearing him down.

I'm fine if I have to wait for weeks or months or even years if I have the hope that he can sort this out for good and get back into being happy again, but I'm so afraid that if I'm not being a supportive presence in his life and allowing him to slip away will ruin my chance at ever getting to share that happiness. We aren't happy now, but so much of it is just tough situational and temporal stress.

Originally I wanted to go with the no contact rule, but that's what people who want to get over their exes do. I don't want to get over him, and I have no intention of trying to give up on him. I don't contact him unless he contacts me first. I want to give him the space he thinks he needs, but I don't want to throw everything I want under the bus to do so. I've already made it clear that I won't lie to support a fake marriage between him and someone else. I just can't - he is too important to me, and that would break my heart. I would even go back to his home country with him in spite of the danger.

In the last two weeks, I've had a really tough time with being patient. I came to realize (like I mentioned earlier) that he bullied me into the breakup. I'm pretty sure he did everything he did just to piss me off and try to make me not love him anymore, and it's pretty obvious and pathetic and sad. I can see right through him, it's all so dumb.

Since we broke up, he keeps lying to our friends and friends that the breakup was mutual. He's told me that the only reason he was in this two-year relationship and moved in with me (twice) is because he felt sorry for me. All of our friends are telling me he's lying to cope with his own ****. I'm trying to keep him at a distance, but he keeps messaging me and trying to bully me into letting him come here and get his things. He goes as far to insinuate that I am twisting his arm and uses manipulative language to make me out as the bad guy.

I decided to get the locks changed next week. The landlord reclaimed his set of keys, but I don't trust my boyfriend anymore. I told him if he comes over here without my permission, I'll call the cops. If he lies about our relationship for personal gain (like to marry someone for citizenship) and thus forcing me to lie about not loving him and us anymore, I'll call ICE. I also told him if he doesn't stop telling lies, being a **** to me and avoiding serious discussions about our relationship, he's not getting his things back.

Maybe that sounds wrong, but -

I don't think it's fair for him to treat me this way. He's behaving like a child, so I'm going to treat him like a child. If he tries to bully me into something I'm uncomfortable with again, I'm not putting up with it.

I don't think it's fair for him to try to play mind games on me. I'm an adult, and I don't need some hatespeak psychological paternalist crap from my adult partner. I'm not the one who's confused here - I've always been straightforward about attributing direct blame on my struggles, rather than pushing it off on someone else. I feel like every time I tell him I still love him, he tries harder and harder to be a jerk to make me fall out of love with him. I told him we would talk and he might get his things when I'm ready, and when I assess that he's ready to have mature conversations about this. Right now he's just a loose screw and will manipulate anyone and everyone to get what he wants. Tough **** - it's time I got what I wanted.

I get why he's displacing the confines of his immigration status on me - because he can't fight an intangible enemy, he fights me. He blames our relationship from holding him back because he's angry and it's the only thing he can control. He knows that, though, we've talked about it several times before. I've lost track of the conversations tracing back his issues to insecurities that don't involve me or us, so at this point it is ridiculous.

It isn't until last night that I realized we were technically engaged. I think that means something significant, even though I'm the only one who's ever mentioned it to people - again, he is honest with no one. I am willing to work for his happiness - but this isn't it. I'm not just saying that because I miss him.

I'm saying that because he claims to be happy to be separated from me, but when he's spoken to me his voice sounds dead. His laugh is cold, and not a little creepy. These last few weeks, he's carried this dead look in his eyes. This behavior is not like him, and it hurts me to see him like this. He looks so broken, like a beaten up kid who tried to be a bully to protect what's left of his pride.

I'm not saying I'm comfortable with him treating me like I'm his mom, because I'm not. This teenage rebellion attitude is long past due. Sometimes I think the reason he's being a **** is because he's acting out for attention, single child style. First he wants to talk, then he doesn't want to talk at all. He wants me to fight him, but I'm only going so far as self-defense at this point. He needs time to cool off.

Any advice about any of this would be so greatly appreciated. I need some serious insight into all of this. I may lose the battle, but I want to win the war. I don't think the no contact rule is going to work, but I don't know what to do from here. I want to come off as confident and supportive and not clingy or controlling. Every time he's been a jerk, I've told him that I love him but what he's doing to me is wrong. I've told him to stop lying and bullying me, or there will be consequences. I've been polite about it and firm, but all I feel inside is this tremendous hurt and loss. I feel unable to take joy in anything - everything I've wanted is disintegrating before my eyes. I've been through so much to be with him, and the loss of my best friends when I really need him is deep. I want my best friend back one day. I want to see him laugh again and know that it is real. I will do or not do whatever it takes to get the chance to hold his hand again.

I'm trying so hard to not be angry at him because anger never helps anything, but I'm willing to let him kick me around anymore. He forced me into this dumb situation, but I don't have to take it the way he tries to serve it (and frankly, I don't have the time right now).

I know that my life is never going to be happy if I just let him walk away like this forever. There will be no closure, only regrets and loneliness. Every morning I was gone abroad, every adventure I've had without him, has held less meaning for my life. I'm so sad that I can't help him and that he won't seek help. Now everything seems like it's on hold, even if I run off and pursue my career like everyone's telling me to do. What's a life where you live to work when you've been working to live for so long but lose the chance?

I really need good advice here, please don't ignore this or give pretend advice. It's clear that whatever he does at this point is going to affect my life whether I like it or not - and I'm trying to hope for a better life.

I get the impression that if you were to call him up, and tell him you would either go along with a marriage (knowing he wants to divorce you as soon as possible), and/or he wishes to marry a stranger, but keep up his relationship with you on the side, he'd be knocking on your door right now.

It is not your responsibility to lie and break the law, in order to have a possible long-term relationship with this man. The consequences to you, will be very serious.

I take it that, should he be deported after graduation, his parents are unable to help him either, because they too are illegal.

I don't see anywhere where an outcome he wants, is good for you.

You can twist this any way you wish, but to keep coming around to the fact that he is the way he is because of 'only' this current immigration issue, and had that issue been resolved, you would still be together- is naïve.

My advice to you is, return any of his possessions, by mail. Instead of visiting his sick relative, send a card. Allow yourself the luxury of time before making any sort of promise to this (now) ex-boyfriend.

And I believe your friends to be correct. Don't stop your life and put your own hopes and dreams on hold for any man.

I can feel your distress confusion and hurt, but the advice give is to back way away from this situation and take stock of yourself and your own options and opportunities, while giving him and his family a lot of time and space to handle their own problems.

You simply cannot let your emotions lead you down a dark, illegal path, nor can you control the decisions of others. Don't panic, but do give this a very wide distance until you understand what's really happening and are more stable of the mind and heart to make good decisions for yourself based on facts and not just strong feelings.

That's how you avoid rash and impulsive decision that will bite you later in the butt. As far as what he does goes, I doubt if he even knows what the right thing to do is and you better be far away when he makes a wrong one.

The bottom line is YOU not making the wrong decision for yourself. Things tend to work out in time, and I hope you give yourself that time, to get more facts by which to decide what you must do, and the time to be of a calmer mind.

And the time to do what's right for YOU, not just him, YOU! He did dump YOU after all and that's a BIG FACT, and his selfish decision that's affecting you negative NOW!

And emotional decisions can have devastating consequences on not only your judgement, but your happiness and future.