AnnaFillmore
Feb 29, 2012, 03:30 PM
I loved my husband very much, he was a great friend and we had a reasonably happy life but he was quite selfish and neglectful of me for the 10 years we were together. I was never the most important thing in his life even though I always put him above everything. For example, one time I was rushed to A&E with breathing difficulties (turned out to be an allergic reaction but we didn't know that at the time) - I called him on the way there and he asked me to let him know when I was checked in. I called him 20 minutes later when I was checked in to say they were taking me for an ECG, and he'd gone out and not taken his phone with him. Or his club dinner always fell on my birthday weekend, and every year we would go to that rather than out with my friends.
Another example that springs to mind is when I was suffering from depression a few years ago, where I wouldn't be able to get out of bed, or I was contemplating hurting myself (thankfully I got over this with the help of medication and counselling), he would come home from work and ask why I'd not tidied the house or done the dishes. Once, he took the day off work when I was having a really bad day with depression. I thought it signalled a turning point and that he wanted to be with me and help me. Turned out he was just determined to get me to go to work, and literally frogmarched me into my office where I proceeded to have a panic attack. I realise, retrospectively, this stems from him not being able to cope with something he didn't understand, but at the time it hurt me more than anything I can remember since.
Anyway, I began to develop feelings for my platonic male best friend and these feelings forced me to question my relationship with my husband to the extent that I told him I needed to leave. I don't know whether I thought I was leaving for good, or whether I just needed to be apart from him to think things over, but he took it as us splitting up for good and four months later I have embarked on a relationship with my former platonic friend.
I love my new boyfriend so much. Everything from our friendship is now the basis of our relationship. He cares for me so much and looks after me. I can talk to him about anything, things which I would have never dreamed of bringing up in conversation with my husband, I find him more attractive than anyone I have met, and I see an exciting future for us. But I miss my husband. I don't miss him in a 'biblical' way, and when I go to collect my mail from our old house and he's there, I don't even have the pang of attraction anymore, but I still miss him so much. I know I'm over analyzing myself but I can't get over how much I miss him. I feel like part of me has died, and I guess it has, but am I supposed to feel like this if I left him? And if I'm as happy as I am in my new relationship? Is it the guilt of leaving him that I'm confusing for missing him? I just feel so sad whenever I think about him. Has anyone been through this? Is it normal? Did I make a mistake?
Another example that springs to mind is when I was suffering from depression a few years ago, where I wouldn't be able to get out of bed, or I was contemplating hurting myself (thankfully I got over this with the help of medication and counselling), he would come home from work and ask why I'd not tidied the house or done the dishes. Once, he took the day off work when I was having a really bad day with depression. I thought it signalled a turning point and that he wanted to be with me and help me. Turned out he was just determined to get me to go to work, and literally frogmarched me into my office where I proceeded to have a panic attack. I realise, retrospectively, this stems from him not being able to cope with something he didn't understand, but at the time it hurt me more than anything I can remember since.
Anyway, I began to develop feelings for my platonic male best friend and these feelings forced me to question my relationship with my husband to the extent that I told him I needed to leave. I don't know whether I thought I was leaving for good, or whether I just needed to be apart from him to think things over, but he took it as us splitting up for good and four months later I have embarked on a relationship with my former platonic friend.
I love my new boyfriend so much. Everything from our friendship is now the basis of our relationship. He cares for me so much and looks after me. I can talk to him about anything, things which I would have never dreamed of bringing up in conversation with my husband, I find him more attractive than anyone I have met, and I see an exciting future for us. But I miss my husband. I don't miss him in a 'biblical' way, and when I go to collect my mail from our old house and he's there, I don't even have the pang of attraction anymore, but I still miss him so much. I know I'm over analyzing myself but I can't get over how much I miss him. I feel like part of me has died, and I guess it has, but am I supposed to feel like this if I left him? And if I'm as happy as I am in my new relationship? Is it the guilt of leaving him that I'm confusing for missing him? I just feel so sad whenever I think about him. Has anyone been through this? Is it normal? Did I make a mistake?