This is a LONG story.

I met this girl LRM back in college, 2001. We hit off well, right from the beginning. Within days, we became best friends. Right from the start, our dean, who is a friend of my dad, had warned me that LRM was a bad egg, and I need to be careful. But I ignored. Several things happened and I had a huge fight with the vice principal, supporting her.

We both have boy friends. A year later, she broke up with her guy and was devastated. I was there to support her. Then, after a few months, she found this other guy who wanted to date her. Since she was unsure, she asked my opinion. I remember what she said, "Love Happens Just Once in your life, should I date ?" and I said, "THE FIRST GUY was not LOVE,,, the new guy might be." She started dating him.

Since our college was behind times, and had lot of restrictions on dating and stuff, we had to hide our love life. Parents were strict too. LRM kind of started going out in the open and risked getting caught. I asked her to be careful, and since my love life was in deep, she thought I was jealous. Finally, one day, her dad got a letter and found out about her guy. She blamed it on me. She thought I wrote it. We had a huge fight and a LOT of bad things happened between us. We didn't speak after that.

In the final year of college, I started dating this guy. Slowly the stories came pouring out. He and I were friends while I was in 2nd year. That was when I had a fight with LRM. Turned out, my guy wrote to LRMs dad. He wanted to break our friendship, so he could get close to me. Disappointed, I broke up with him.

After finishing MBA, I got married. I sent a mail to LRM, giving her all facts (3 years after our fight). Since my ex guy tried to tamper with my wedding too, I didn't give LRM his full name, I just gave his initials. I extended my hand in friendship. She replied with a lot of swears.

A year later, she started online dating some guy and my topic was opened. That guy sent all their chat history to me. I was so angry, I sent her a mail back, this time, I was swearing. She apologized. We became friends,, a month later, she was her old self,, I mean the old gal after fight. She started blaming me for her problems and so I stopped talking to her. I had a lot of friends until our first fight. She turned all my friends, and also my cousin against me. I lost trust in friendship. I NEVER made any gal friends after that. I just couldn't trust girls. I was a total wreck when it came to making friends. Hence, I hardly have any friends now. There are a lot of guy friends, but its not the same. Gals talk different.

It has been 5 years since we spoke. I miss her a lot. We fought because of a major misunderstanding. She has blocked me on FB. I don't know what to do. I still find it hard to trust any girl. I feel I need to talk to her, work out things with her, and only then be able to make more gal friends.

Can anyone help?

I think your best bet is to forget your fickle friend for now and build a better life without her. That means leave her alone, and work on your own issues with females by developing healthy relationships, with healthy women. She is not healthy, and pinning your future hopes of a happy life on her wanting to work things out, and forgive and forget the past, is not wise at all.

Leaving her alone will move you forward to better things, and not back to old screwed up situations.

Hi talaniman,, thank you for your response,, I didn't get your post until I posted the previous one,,

Anyway, what I need is a closure,, I need to talk to her and clear things up, I need to know for sure that our fight was just a misunderstanding and that she didn't cheat me. Based on what I heard from our common frens, she said pretty bad things about me, which are nothing but complete bulls***... I want to confront her, tell her that what she did was wrong, make her understand that I didn't tamper with her love life (she broke up with that guy within 6 months of our fight)...
I have WONDERFUL gal frens, but I find it hard to trust them completely. My dad brought me up lik a guy and LRM was my 1st best gal fren,, I don have any close gal cousins either (m the youngest in the family and all gals are 15-20 years elder to me and their kids are too young)

What you said is right, and based on what you say, I feel I can NEVER trust her like before again,, but somewhere deep inside my heart, I miss her and I feel a closure will help,, but how?

Acceptance IS closure. Accept she is what she is and wants nothing to do with you. Confronting her is like running head first in a brick wall. Hurts you but doesn't move the wall.

Better to find other more effective ways to vent and channel your anger, like sports, the gym, bubble wrap, or whatever, and leave her alone an put that chapter behind you. I suspect if you had a good friend to vent some of those intense emotions of anger, and betrayal too, you would feel better, and waste no more time on her.

I have many frens, but I find it hard to trust anyone,, that's the reason m seeking help here,, I have trust issues,,

You have confidence issues.

anyway, what i need is a closure,,, i need to talk to her and clear things up, i need to know for sure that our fight was just a misunderstanding


i want to confront her, tell her that what she did was wrong, make her understand that i didn tamper with her love life

Silver, read those two quotes above please. Do you see how they conflict one another? In one quote you want to talk to her and clear things up and in the other you want to confront her and tell her what she did was wrong. In the first quote you want to be friendly and try to make peace. In the second you want to be confrontational. You can't have it both ways.

Those are two conflicting and opposing statements.

Closure (gah I hate that term) means that you accept that things went wrong with this friendship and you learn from it and move on. However, you haven't seemed to learn or move on.

You have to accept the fact that things change, that people change. It's a pretty safe bet that your lack of trust isn't from this one issue alone, but a culmination of issues.

Confronting her, or talking to her politely, either ways, I want to talk and clear things up,, we both come from a small town where people know each other very well,, she ruined my life so bad,,

Its not about confidence,, I have best friends,, but its guys,, it's only girls I can't trust,, I open up easily, I make frens easily, I trust them to share my friendship, but not so much that I can share my deepest feelings,,

When I say closure, I meant CLOSURE... everyone makes mistakes and learn from them,, of course I made mistakes while we were friends,, so did she... since I know there were mistakes, I demand a closure...

Work on your own issues and leave hers alone. Acceptance is closure, so accept she is NOT a friend, and do the work of finding a real one. How many times will you bump your head against the wall before you realize its not only futile, but harmful?

You seem so stuck on making her a friend? Obsessed maybe? Let it go, and move forward, not back!

I don't think you understand what the overused term "closure" means. It means that you accept what has happened and you move on from there. You CLOSE that chapter of your life.

Basically you understand that there was a problem and you learn from that problem and move on. Therapists have overused this term to the nth degree and most people believe that they have to face the person with whom they have had the "problem" with. When in actuality it means you have to have acceptance of the finality of the situation. It doesn't mean that you have to face this head on to get an answer. That's where it gets confusing. "Closure" means that you have to accept what has happened in the past, learn from it, and move on. Close that chapter in your life.

You have let this drama go on for WAYYY too long... let it go, make new friends, these are not worth all this effort.

Based on your reply, I suppose it is a good idea to move on,, but tell me how can I start trusting a person?
Will I start trusting on my own or should I try? Should I open up or should I wait for the feeling to open up? Should I take a risk and trust someone or should I wait for the right person who will gain my trust?

True friends are the same as life partners,, u can't call them your best friend unless you trust them,, like falling in love with the wrong person until you find the right one, I trusted the wrong person...