RoxyTocin
Feb 29, 2012, 02:34 AM
I have some kind of mental disorder and my boyfriend's aunt(who has been a Psychiatrist for 25 years) told me that I need help quickly or it could be disastrous. I'm trying, I really am, but I cannot afford proper professional help. However, in a few months, maybe September, I'm going to be in a situation that gives me help for free. Here's the relationship part:
We've been dating for a year and 8 months, and the longest relationship before this one was only 5 months long. I really don't know how to operate this long, it's terrifying. I need attention a lot and I know it's too much, and it scares me. The 5 month relationship I mentioned is most likely the cause of my issues. Let's call him Mike or something. Mike and I ran into a little snag, and I thought he would dump me. He would tell me whenever I seemed upset "Don't worry" and "I love you, nothing's going to happen". One day we had a very long and emotional talk, ending with "It's okay, I won't leave you". Nothing seemed wrong at all, and we even had lunch and laughed a bit. And literally the very next morning, he dumped me cold, with no emotion behind it, and refused to tell me why. He then proceeded to be very rude to me and my friends. He tried to boycott my Drama club at school because he wasn't in the yearbook. He was ridiculous. It really messed me up.
6 months later, I started going out with Gen. He fixed me. I felt happy and normal. I wasn't so clingy. We made a VERY VERY IMPORTANT rule that if we had problems, that we shouldn't ***** to anyone else, because those matters are private. (This is VERY important later on)
About the 10 month mark, I became scared. I'd never been that far before. I wouldn't know how to act. I only know of the initial passion in a relationship that lasts several months. I don't know what comes after that at all. So I told Gen, and he told me not to worry. It freaked me out, but I believed him. Around 3 months ago, in November or December I became increasingly scared. That's when the crying started. I cried twice a week in fear. I really stressed him out, and he told me so. I tried to back off, but I just couldn't take the loneliness. I can't be so alone and have nothing to do when he literally takes up 3/4 of my time and is always around. And he was getting closer to this girl, uhm.. Sara or something. And she's really pretty, and that makes me jealous. They're really good friends, and I don't want to seem overbearing, so I try not to get too involved in their interaction, even though it makes me mad sometimes.
I snapped the other day and began crying really hard because I thought he was going to leave me for being so troublesome He told me not to worry, that he wouldn't leave me, and I freaked out and told him all about Mike and how all I can hear is Mike's words coming out of his mouth.
Today(and god this is a long story), I used the function on Facebook the disables certain people from seeing a status. I wanted to know if other people could see that and would know who cannot see it. Gen leaves his Facebook logged on in FireFox on my laptop, and I just wanted to check the thing and then close it, because it weirds me out to seem like I'm snooping or something. I was just about to exit when I heard the message tone, and on reflex, I looked down. I saw a message from "Sara" and in the I'm, they were talking about me. He was telling her everything I told him about "Mike" and said I was being too clingy. He told her everything. And she was laughing at me, telling him I'm "too strange". He said he didn't know how to handle me, and asked "Sara" about how she broke up with her boyfriend a while ago, and how hard it was. I became absolutely furious that he broke out most important rule. I read backwards a little, and saw a few other scattered mentions of our smaller problems, he hadn't done anything too terrible before that, but I was just so angry, that I didn't know what to do. I tried my hardest to calm down and take deep breaths, but I was too scared. I thought he was going to leave me for sure this time. So I called him up, and explained to him why I was on his Facebook, and he apologized for breaking the rule. I asked him why he would talk to someone about leaving me, he just apologized more. I told him to defend himself, tell me it's a lie, a really bad joke. He said only some of it was. He said a break for a bit would be best to think about things. I told him if he could just be patient for a few more months, it'd be over. I'll be fine again, I'll get the help I need. He told me there's a limit to how much he can take.
He told me he wanted to take a break and just be friends. But only for one week. From tomorrow(Wed) morning to next Tuesday evening. It makes me feel better to know that it's a defined time limit, but It's still scary. I've never taken a break before.
I don't have any friends to talk to, only people I say hi to at school. I don't even like them that much. I don't know how to conduct myself in this situation. This is a ridiculously long question, holy crap.
What can you discern from my situation?
Am I just a wuss?
And how do I handle a "break".
We've been dating for a year and 8 months, and the longest relationship before this one was only 5 months long. I really don't know how to operate this long, it's terrifying. I need attention a lot and I know it's too much, and it scares me. The 5 month relationship I mentioned is most likely the cause of my issues. Let's call him Mike or something. Mike and I ran into a little snag, and I thought he would dump me. He would tell me whenever I seemed upset "Don't worry" and "I love you, nothing's going to happen". One day we had a very long and emotional talk, ending with "It's okay, I won't leave you". Nothing seemed wrong at all, and we even had lunch and laughed a bit. And literally the very next morning, he dumped me cold, with no emotion behind it, and refused to tell me why. He then proceeded to be very rude to me and my friends. He tried to boycott my Drama club at school because he wasn't in the yearbook. He was ridiculous. It really messed me up.
6 months later, I started going out with Gen. He fixed me. I felt happy and normal. I wasn't so clingy. We made a VERY VERY IMPORTANT rule that if we had problems, that we shouldn't ***** to anyone else, because those matters are private. (This is VERY important later on)
About the 10 month mark, I became scared. I'd never been that far before. I wouldn't know how to act. I only know of the initial passion in a relationship that lasts several months. I don't know what comes after that at all. So I told Gen, and he told me not to worry. It freaked me out, but I believed him. Around 3 months ago, in November or December I became increasingly scared. That's when the crying started. I cried twice a week in fear. I really stressed him out, and he told me so. I tried to back off, but I just couldn't take the loneliness. I can't be so alone and have nothing to do when he literally takes up 3/4 of my time and is always around. And he was getting closer to this girl, uhm.. Sara or something. And she's really pretty, and that makes me jealous. They're really good friends, and I don't want to seem overbearing, so I try not to get too involved in their interaction, even though it makes me mad sometimes.
I snapped the other day and began crying really hard because I thought he was going to leave me for being so troublesome He told me not to worry, that he wouldn't leave me, and I freaked out and told him all about Mike and how all I can hear is Mike's words coming out of his mouth.
Today(and god this is a long story), I used the function on Facebook the disables certain people from seeing a status. I wanted to know if other people could see that and would know who cannot see it. Gen leaves his Facebook logged on in FireFox on my laptop, and I just wanted to check the thing and then close it, because it weirds me out to seem like I'm snooping or something. I was just about to exit when I heard the message tone, and on reflex, I looked down. I saw a message from "Sara" and in the I'm, they were talking about me. He was telling her everything I told him about "Mike" and said I was being too clingy. He told her everything. And she was laughing at me, telling him I'm "too strange". He said he didn't know how to handle me, and asked "Sara" about how she broke up with her boyfriend a while ago, and how hard it was. I became absolutely furious that he broke out most important rule. I read backwards a little, and saw a few other scattered mentions of our smaller problems, he hadn't done anything too terrible before that, but I was just so angry, that I didn't know what to do. I tried my hardest to calm down and take deep breaths, but I was too scared. I thought he was going to leave me for sure this time. So I called him up, and explained to him why I was on his Facebook, and he apologized for breaking the rule. I asked him why he would talk to someone about leaving me, he just apologized more. I told him to defend himself, tell me it's a lie, a really bad joke. He said only some of it was. He said a break for a bit would be best to think about things. I told him if he could just be patient for a few more months, it'd be over. I'll be fine again, I'll get the help I need. He told me there's a limit to how much he can take.
He told me he wanted to take a break and just be friends. But only for one week. From tomorrow(Wed) morning to next Tuesday evening. It makes me feel better to know that it's a defined time limit, but It's still scary. I've never taken a break before.
I don't have any friends to talk to, only people I say hi to at school. I don't even like them that much. I don't know how to conduct myself in this situation. This is a ridiculously long question, holy crap.
What can you discern from my situation?
Am I just a wuss?
And how do I handle a "break".