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Hedwig9
Feb 28, 2012, 09:06 PM
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I found out early in the relationship that he watched porn, and as long as he didn't watch it when I was around it never bothered me, but about a year into the relationship I realized he would watch it the second I had my head turned. This would upset me that he would watch porn more than have sex with me. (We have a very active sex life, and I'm willing to do whatever he wants.) I told him how I felt and he agreed to not watch it when I was present or went out of the room. Well I then found over 400 videos/photos on our shared laptop, he still continued to watch it while I was sitting or sleeping beside of him or even taking a shower. I told him to delete everything from the computer and I'd give him one more chance to not watch it while I was around. He did again, we fought. Finally I thought he stopped, then I found hundreds of pictures on his phone, and he was still looking at it when I was around. We've had numerous arguments, and its come to the point that him watching it in general upsets me. He has said 3 different times he was done, but he has continued. What should I do? Do you think he's addicted?

odinn7
Feb 28, 2012, 09:14 PM
Although watching and looking at porn is completely natural and shouldn't be a problem for either you or him, it does seem like he is taking it too far and it is controlling him now.

From what I understand here, you don't actually have a problem with the porn itself (or rather, you didn't have a problem with it) as long as it didn't interfere with your sex life or life in general, correct? That is a good attitude... very fair. Now, however, after numerous times of telling him how it is bothering you because he is going way overboard on it, he still continues to do it. This is a problem.

I don't really know what you should do at this point. It is controlling him and affecting your life. You have to decide how badly it is affecting you. Is it bad enough that you can't possibly deal with it? Is it bad enough that you should break up with him so he gets the idea that you are serious about this? It's all up to you.

Hedwig9
Feb 28, 2012, 09:23 PM
I didn't have a problem with it at first, but yeah after It starting to interfere with my life as well it is hard for me not to get upset.

It honestly has caused me to become incredibly insecure. Which is something I never have been, I've always been confident but this has taken a toll on me.

We have a wonderful relationship besides this. It really is our only argument, but it's become a weekly argument, which I don't think is right. I've tried breaking up with him, but he begs and begs for me to stay and promises he will stop. I've only seen him cry a select few times and each one was because I said I was leaving him. That was hard to see for me. Plus we live together so it's hard to just up and move out quick as I'd have to find a place to live and what not.

Do you believe I'm over reacting about this? That's something he says every time, but really I don't feel like I am. I tried to compromise and he wouldn't take it.

odinn7
Feb 28, 2012, 09:46 PM
No, at this point, you're not over reacting to this at all. As I said, porn is normal... but now it has taken over his life and interfering with yours.

Here is what I see from what you just wrote. You have tried breaking up with him over this. He cries, says he will stop, you feel bad and stay. Things go back to what they were and he doesn't stop. You know why? Because he cries, you feel bad, and you stay. He has no reason to change, does he? He cries, you feel bad, and you stay. Do you see what I'm saying? He knows that making you feel bad will keep you there so why should he change?

Do you have somewhere you could go for a few days? Parents house, friends house? Anywhere to make him take you seriously really. I feel that if you did leave and made him think you were done with him, he might think things through and see that you are serious.

I could be wrong but that is how I would handle it now.

Hedwig9
Feb 28, 2012, 09:54 PM
I completely agree with what you have said! I could go to my parents, and next time I should. I feel like I'm not only staying because I feel bad though, but because I don't want him to just be done with us, especially over that. Even though we've only been officially together or 2 years, we are each others best friend and really it's hard to imagine my life with out him. I know life would go on if we did completely end it, but that's not how I want it, but whatever happens, happens and I can't force anything. Anyway, next time I will actually leave and see if that works. Thank you so much for the help :)

odinn7
Feb 28, 2012, 10:25 PM
I really do hope everything works out for you. Take care!