Hello,
I have been in a relationship for eight months and now and it had been amazing up until about two months ago where things started to go down hill. Up until then we had great communication and we talked all the time for many hours about anything and everything we could. We texted all day long when she was at and school and when I was at school/work. We saw each other as much as we could with our busy schedules but always at least once or twice a week. We are not sexually active but we talk about it.

I am 21 and I go to college and work and she is 18 and is getting ready to graduate high school. We live in Westminster Colorado. But as I said about two months ago its like our communication disappeared completely and we started fighting all the time about really little stuff which then turned into huge fights where we were both emotionally exhausted by the end. We stopped seeing each other as frequently to the point where I didn't see her for a whole month. We tried to talk about it all, but we just ended up fighting more.

Eventually one day we came to the decision that a break was probably a good idea to clear our heads. We still talked during our break and everything we just gave ourselves time to cool off. During this time she told me that come the month of May, after she graduated, she was going on a vacation with her friend to California for two months and the after that she was going to see her mom in New York for another two months and then when she gets back she starts college. But her college is in Greeley which is about an hours drive from where I live now.

Eventually we sat down and talked everything out and worked out our problems and agreed that we were both in fault. At this time I told her that we both need to decide if we are committed to the relationship and are willing to work on it and be hundred percent in it and listen to what each other have to say because we won't see each other for close to five months come may when she graduates and that is going to be extremely hard on both of us. She agreed that she needed me and she didn't think she could do all of this without me and I agreed I was in it one hundred percent.

After that talk we hadn't fought at all and we had our communication back to where it was before. But as time went on I noticed she seemed very distant and seemed to be shooting down my sexual advances. And every time we planned to hang out she always had something come up and we had to reschedule and when we did the same thing happened. Like I mentioned earlier we had not been sexually active, but she has always wanted to, and so have I. But she is always so busy and so am I, or whenever we hung out she wanted to just cuddled or we would hang out and then I would leave and she would text me and say you should have stayed I'm in the mood now. That always kind of bothered me because it felt like she was just toying with me or something.

Sorry this is out of order but a while back when we were fighting I had to talked to a friend and he put into my head that maybe it was our age difference that was the problem. So then I had told her that her age bothered me. Which I regret thoroughly and was very stupid to say to her. So I asked her recently why she didn't seem sexually interested in me, and she told me was stressed out from everything that is going on. I then asked if it had anything to do with what I had said about her age, and she said we yeah kind of. And I told her I was sorry and she told me she forgives me for it and its no big deal. I have a decent sex drive and all the past relationships I have been sex has always been present. But with her she says wants to but is reluctant to actually do it. Or seems like she will make up an excuse to get out of it, or just avoid hanging out.

I know sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it does help someone get close to another and to me is a sign of showing someone how much you love them by being intimate with them. It does slightly bother me that she says she wants to but then when it comes to it she won't.

My other concern is the five month gap where we won't see each other. We are just now working back to getting our relationship back to one hundred percent. If she leaves I feel like we will grow back apart. And then when she is back she will be an hour away. Which isn't a big deal but that distant still could be a problem.

My question basically is I'm at a loss as what to do in this situation. I do love her and I feel a strong connection to her, but I feel unwanted by the fact that she keeps shooting down my sexual advances, and the distance. Help please.

She isn't ready for sex, so don't be so easily teased by words. Unlike your past relationships, this one is different because she isn't giving it up in just eight months so you have no choice but to go along until she is and establish communications to cope with the distance you will face.

Seems its just you and your needs that are making you fearful, and insecure, and sex has nothing to do with it.

You expect an awful lot in those eight months, and that's what you deal with. Your expectations may be unrealistic with this one.

Thank you I appreciate your answer and I do agree with what your saying and I'm willing to work with her and be there for her because I do love her and care about her a lot but what I don't understand is why she would say she is ready and then avoid it all costs. It's not like I'm trying to make her but she made me feel like she was ready and now she is shooting me down and it feels kind of unfair is all

You miss a lot when you see others through your own needs and wants. Her words say she is ready but her actions do not. Its is then up to you to judge your actions and not just eagerly follow her words.

Instead of taking this as unfair, you miss the obvious, you don't know this stranger well enough to understand her, or even say your lust is really love. You say love, but you may be in lust, and I am sure she wants to be sure of you before she really is ready.

That is most certainly fair. Once given she can hardly take it back, can she? And do you really think you are entitled to sex because you are her boyfriend? Because you can be nice, and do nice, and say sweet words?

That worked for others, and she isn't like the others is she? They are gone, and its quite possible she doesn't want to just have you enjoy her body, and be like the others, a distant memory. So seeing this as unfair because you don't get to enjoy her body, may not be the way to go my friend, as maybe she needs more connection than you have given. Or she is waiting for the lust to fade before decides you are worthy.