Hi. She was my first love - and it struck me like hell - but she ended it after 9 months. It was my first relationship, while she had had a real 2-year relationship before hand - I wasn't her 'special first love' :(

Now, after 4 months, I still can't stop thinking about her. We are very different - our likes, dislikes and opinions differ all the time. We hardly ever have the same opinion about sth. But, unlike every other person on the planet, when her opinion on some matter differs, it just makes me love her more. As our relationship developed, I realised that she's so right about so much things and that I totally LOVE her perception of the world. She's the person I like the most in this world - and no, no that she doesn't have some traits that I don't fancy, but I just don't give a care about them - they're not important at all - and whenever she's happy because of me, I'm the happiest person on Earth.

Unfortunately, I became obsessed with her - I wanted to be with her all the time. And she didn't feel the same - mainly because she had abandoned all her normal life and friends in order to be with her first boyfriend all the time - and she had later realised that it's not for good. I just couldn't stop think about her and I couldn't get used to the fact that she doesn't feel the same way and we mustn't totally devote our lives to a single relationship. This was my biggest mistake, but I made some others too - mainly because I was so unexperienced. She really did love me, but I felt bad whenever I wasn't with her - and I became her burden.

I didn't realise that until she broke up with me. Than I went trough 3 terrible months in which I spend hours every day to think over and over again how had we reached that point. And now I know all my mistakes, I know why we broke up, why she was unhappy in the end. I have totally changed not only my perception of the world, but myself as well - and I feel I'm a better man now. But I just can't stop hoping that one day I will be with her again. We see each other almost every day in school and she's always friendly, but whenever she feels I'm too excited while talking to her she steps back. She's got some one really close friend, with whom she talks about everything and who would do anything for her. She actually doesn't need me - at all. He loves her to death (just like me), and although she would never feel him as anything more then a friend, he has come to terms with it and does everything she needs. So.. Actually, she doesn't need me at all - no matter how much sweet things I do. I feel like my only chance is to slowly try to increase our contact - day by day - to be nice and try to make her laugh. To pretend that I'm OK, that myself esteem is high and that I don't actually think about her all the time (which I do) - because this is the guy she fell in love with - a guy who was OK by himself, who enjoyed talking to her and being with her, but never actually expected sth to happen.. Until it happened.

Tell me - do you think I have a chance? Am I doing the right thing here?

How old are you both? I think the important thing is to apply your mistakes to being a better YOU, and getting over your obsession with her. If indeed it is an obsession, or you still being around her so often the healing process is very slow.

The ideal situation is to not be around her, or talk to her until this healing has taken place, as I suspect this is your first taste of young love, and that's something you never forget ever. But you move beyond it by changing your focus, routine, and involve yourself with the things you enjoy. This is not easy for a loner, and probably the hardest thing you will ever do, and the rewards are quite great if you can muddle through this and test yourself.

Break ups suck for all of us my friend, You are not alone in that, but we learn and grow, and manage our feelings to thrive, and survive, and do better, by doing our thing, and enjoying the life we build for ourselves.

Thanks for your wonderful reply.
I had a loooong conversation with her and I realised that she just never gives second chances. It's a fact and I can't do anything about it.
It's very very sad, because...
- She's the most wonderful person in the world and she has never ever disappointed me. How do you forget s.o. who has never hurt you ?
- My two best friends ended up together - and I can no longer talk about everything with them (they've been dating for 2 years now, they have a wonderful relationship and whenever I'm around them I can't help but feel sick) - and the big gap that I had from their absence is now a hundred times bigger by this girl's absence... and I have no one to talk to : (
- After reading a bunch of articles on the internet and after I talked with my mum, who told me some stories as well, I'm more than frightened that I will never find a girl that I would love more than I love this - after all, as time passes I would only remember the good things and make her seem perfect. Bearing in mind that she has never disappointed me - it's not hard.

I sure hope this will be the hardest battle in my life. I can't imagine living like this forever.


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I knew this girl for 3 years before ending up with her - we had a great relationship, that lasted almost an year. But I wasn't a good boyfriend, I dissapointed her and she dumped me. Not for another guy - she simlpy realised she feels better without me. I felt like **** for almost 3 months before being able to sleep without dreaming of her. But even now, after 5 months, I still do sometimes. I love this girl. I have no choice, but to see her every day. She totally changed me and now I'm a lot different than the guy I used to be. Even she herself tells me that she likes me more this way and that I'm a better person now. When we were together we talked about everything - and I loved it. I had no a single secret from her. But she's always had some really close friends and she always has s.o. To talk to when she's in need. While I, sadly, have no such person. Even sometimes, when I get really sad, I talk to her about things - because she's the person who knows me the best and I respect her more than every person on this planet. She's very caring and she would never refuse to talk to me when I'm in need. But I know that she doensn't give second chances - this way she can't get hurt again. And she does't actually need me - she has people to have fun with and to talk with. I'm fully aware that I have no chance of ever being with her again - although I'm so so sure that we'll both be so happy.

I read an article on this site and a lot of my friends and online posts say the same - that in about 3 months it's normal to feel OK again. But.. I guess that's all I feel now - OK. I just feel like I can't be really happy without her. What's more, my friends are not of 'the party' type, so I can hardly meet new people by going to birthdays and partys. We're more of a closed group. My only way out was when I was with her - or her friends - but it's gone now. So tell me - what should I do :?

The problem is that you are keeping in contact with her, it will take you MUCH longer to get over someone like you. You need to cut complete contact, maybe explaining why it is you HAVE to see her we can recommend something.

Read the stickies here (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/), and find the proper way to move on through NO CONTACT.

Well, we're in the same class - I can't simply cut off school.

No problem, it may take a lot longer, but it will happen. Any way you can just meet and interact with other people who are not in your group? Doing activities you like that don't include parties?

Explore or create other options to how you spend your time. If you are feeling OK in just 3 months, you will be better in 6. Just a matter of time, and how you spend it.

The path to recovery isn't easy, I grant you, but its not supposed to be. Along the way you have to learn positive ways to deal with your feelings. That's the whole point behind this experience, because you will face this and other challenges later.

I'm glad to say that after 6 months I really believe that I have moved on ! : )
It actually happened suddenly and because of a strange reason - I got drunk for the first time in my life. But it wasn't alcohol that helped me, it were the conversations with people I had under its influence.

I friend told me about his situation, his so-called 'wonderful' relationship that had ended and the things that the break-up helped him to realise. And, suddenly, I realised it all - that I'm not the only one who wasn't perfect, that we two are not 'appropriate' enough for each-other, that all this is just a giant means of life to make me a better person :)

And now I can finally sit in class, happy and relaxed, free of the whole 'alwful world' idea that had crept into my mind for the last half an year.

I know there will be others, I know there will be better ones (for me), I know that I can't be happy if I don't like myself and I know deifying somebody is never a sign of common sense.

I do know I'm a better person know and I know a lot more about relationships - and it all helps me to feel even better - actually, I believe that right now I'm feeling almost as good as in our happiest moments :)

Thank you all for your answers, they've all been of great help - and for those who have the same problem:
It is not simply time that heals - it's thinking, talking and realising new things for a looooong time that helps you to move on. And don't worry - it WILL eventually happen :)

I love it when it works out right!!