I am a married 45 year old woman staying with my husband and a daughter & son. Recently I met a 29 year old guy on a social networking site and we started chatting. The mistake I made is that was a false account with different name which is not mine and I used my 20 year old daughter's photo as display picture. The guy thought the person who is chatting with him is this 20 year old beautiful girl and even I made him think the same way. After a few chats both of us became so close and I didn't want to lose his friendship. I knew this relationship doesn't last and I knew what a big crime I am committing using m daughter's photo. No mother would do such a thing.

But still I do not know what my weakness is I continued chatting with him day in and day out. Basically both of us are from India. He has been staying in US for the past 2 years and I have been staying in Dubai with my husband and children. Somehow we used to adjust timings and chat. After a month or so he proposed to me thinking that I am a girl in the photo which is actually my daughter's. I should have stopped chatting with him at least then. But I continued chatting with him accepting his proposal even knowing that it does no good to both of us. If he finds the truth he would definitely back off and even I could never leave my husband and children for him. I do not know what made me continue chatting with him. We never met or spoke on telephone. It was only chatting.

He came to a stage that he can't live without me. Yesterday he saw my daughter's profile in Facebook with her photo and a different name. In her friends list my husband is also there and he saw his photo also with his name. Actually I showed my husband's photo as my dad's photo giving him a false name. He became suspicious and asked me this morning about the Facebook account on different name and having my father photo(husband's) with different name. I couldn't answer him and told him I do not know the person in the account and told him that I will ask my father about his photo in the account and disconnected.

He asked persistently whether I knew the girl with that name to which I replied in negative. He believed me and started sending off lines saying that he is missing me and loves me very much. I logged in and just typed that I cannot talk to him anything now as I am fully devastated and logged off. He is continuously sending off lines saying that he is missing me and saying that he is tensed now that he may lose me. I do not know what to do. He is a very good guy and believed me and loved me wholeheartedly. I feel ashamed of myself for committing such dirty mistakes at this age. If my children and husband comes to know about this my life will be completely ruined. I do not know what to do. I cannot see the guy also suffering because of me.

Please help me. Should I tell the truth to the guy or should I just stay away from chatting with that guy. Now he came to know the original name and college of my daughter in Facebook account and I am worried he may reach Dubai and approach her. I feel so cheap of myself. I really don't know what made me commit such a big mistake. Maybe I'm lacking something in life I do not know. Please help me.

Well... what an absolute mess you made for yourself. Really, not just yourself but this poor guy who is just an innocent bystander in all of this. Anyway, I guess you know what you've done so is there any need for me to hit you over the head with it? It's disgraceful and you know it so let's move on.

You need to tell the guy that you lied to him and you're not who he thinks you are. He needs to know this so he has some sort of closure in all of this. Sure, it will hurt him but I would say if you just stop talking to him completely and never let him know that you lied, that will probably hurt him more while he wonders for the rest of his life what happened.

I would also suggest that you stop playing games like this with people. Let this be a lesson to you. If you're missing something in your marriage, leave your husband first before you go looking for games.

In my opinion you should tell him the whole truth. You've acted in a very bad manner the whole time - and you've made him believe you're something that you're actually not. If you are sincere, you will surely break his heart - and he will feel betrayed. And he will grow mad, but when he comes to terms with it, he would go on with his life - and he will have sth in mind about online chats (everything in online chatting is a lot more pinky and shiny than it actually is in real life). In the other case - by just stopping writing to him, he will feel like sth's wrong, like he's made some error, like what's happening isn't fair. He will contuinue his life thinking that there's that perfect girl out there - and he will compare every single person he meets with this image - the image of unexisting perfect woman. This will ruin his life.
So just thing about it - would you rather get over somebody you loved, but who betrayed you and broke your heart, or over sb you adored, but passed away in a car accident? Making things look perfect makes them impossible to get over.

By the way, there's a CSI: Miami episode very close to your case:
A grown-up man who was chatting online with a 18-year old girl was shot dead when they had arranged to meet for the second time - and Horatio found out that it was the girl's online friend who was secretly in love with her that had shot him, because she feared he might hurt her. In the end it turned out that it wasn't the young girl, but her mother that was chatting and using her daughter's picture. And that one man was murdered and one boy was in jail for committing a crime forced by love to an inexisting person.

You must tell the truth. To both him and to your family because you may not believe it but they'll find out. Let this be a lesson. The dark always comes to the light.

Tell him the truth and stop using your daughter's identity.
He could be lying to you as well in the meantime you have put your daughter's picture out there. Stay off the websites and work on your marriage.

Tell the truth, the whole honest hurtful truth. That's what you do! Stop lying to others, and yourself.

As you have suggested I told him the complete truth about my identity. He was completely shattered and cried a lot. He couldn't believe that I was lying. Even after knowing my identity he wanted to be a friend. He said he couldn't just stop chatting with me abruptly and he needs time to get over and asked for my help to get over, to which I agreed. For a week he was chatting every now & then. Then he started saying that he really likes me(he saw my photo). He knows that I am married and said that in spite of large age gap(Iam 12 years elder to him) he still loves me. He also said that he do not want to spoil my married life and slowly try to get over me. Everyday he used to say I love you to which I used to object and always used to tell him there's a long life ahead of him and he would get a good girl in his life. Slowly he started intimate chat to which I objected. I don't know whether I should continue chatting with him as promised. I feel I am being used. Without my knowledge Im slowly getting attracted to him all over again. Since 2 days he has been avoiding me and spending very less time(15 minutes chat.. previously he used to chat 3 to 4 hrs). I am feeling let down & used. I should have stopped chatting after revealing the truth but the way he begged me to help him come out of all this made me accept. Now I do not know what to do. Sometimes he will ask me to meet him when he visits our country. Sometimes when he is drunk he wants to get really close to me and pleads me not to leave him and be at least his friend. Other times he trying to avoid. I am in a dilemma. Should I offer my help for him to move on. In fact I feel he has moved on pulling me into the mess now. Now I developed feelings towards him & do not know how to come out of it. Please help me

Cutting off all forms of contact with him will eventually help you both heal, and grow healthy, and end this confusion of stirred up old feelings.

Please just let this go... This entire situation is doomed because the bond that developed was built on a foundation of deceit. I'm proud of you for fessing up to him (I've made more than average mistakes and I understand the courage needed to admit to them) but your family still doesn't know and I highly doubt that your husband would be happy about you continuing to have any type of communication with this guy if he knew what all had transpired. For the guy to not feel betrayed enough to not want anything to do with this baffles me... I think it quite pathetic for both of you to continue something that wasn't real in the first place. Nothing good can come of this now because of the way that it started so I urge you to cut off all ties and move on. Delete your account. Infidelity is infidelity, physical, emotional, whatever. Let's call a spade a spade. You're a mother and therefore above this situation that you've chosen to get yourself into. Now choose to get yourself completely out.

You told him the truth. That is the only thing you owed him.
You are a married woman and you owe it to your marriage and your husband to leave this guy completely alone. The more you communicate with him the harder it will be to stop