Hey all,
Start with a brief story of the ex

Had known her all my life (The day she was born I was one years old in her hospital room). Our fathers knew each other from teenagers and were always very close so our families always kept in touch. Best man at each others wedding and so on. They always used to joke that one day I'd get their daughter.

Anyway, fast forward to last year and she ads me via Facebook.
We catch up a few times, ht it off really well on the first night great sex etc etc.
We keep seeing each other and as things went on we got more and more passionate and everything just felt so right and gelled so well as it always does at the start all fun etc etc

I was seeing her for a few months and she would bring up the relationship a few times, until after a few months I decided OK, and asked her to be my girlfriend.
She was still certain she wanted this.

Now for the downside. ---------------

Before me she was with someone for approx five years (renting with him) She told me the last two years they were on the rocks and she had enough of being unhappy and being treated like **** so she left him. She had only just left him before she met me hence why I waited to be exclusive for a few months.

Not only was she with him for a long time, but she had a house half built with him at the time which they still both owned. She built with him as she thought this would make things better between them. (Which is crazy in my opinion as it would only ever be a quick fix if any fix at all)

Fast forward a few months later and the house is finished, his name is still on the title also, but she moves in on her own wanting to do so.

During this time I notice she starts to get distant. A little cold, seemingly depressed.
I guess it started to hit her (Her ex)

Months later, yep she pulls out the I need a break, I need me time I need time to find my feet..
With everything going on I can't be in a healthy relationship and its not fair on you.
I fought for it for a while, mainly through texts as she would start to not answer the phone at times and figured she can call me if she wants to talk.

Later down the line it seems her ex is back in the picture, which I'm sure would've been happening when she was being distant with me. She denies anything about him and does not admit to anything or even being back with him.
Could she be using him to finish off the house (Apparently he is unwilling to throw it away and she does not want to either as she worked hard for it, or are they both holding on to more than that?) Mind you I was staying over with her at this house which was half his at the time, but he had no access. And yes I was banging the life out of her in the bed which they probably now do share.

I let it go and decided to work on me, but every few days she would send a text such as merry Xmas, then happy new year. Or how are you, or miss you x. All sorts of **** to what seems like keeping me there. This would happen every few days. I haven't seen her since the break... approx November last year nor spoken on the phone yet she continues to ****ing text me. When I bring up catching up or a phone call she ignores it, and I ask if you miss me then why is it how it is at the moment she ignores. Sometimes she will take a day to reply.

My head tells me she knows she has me there while she goes off and does what she likes, but I want to hear your opinions on this, whenever it seems like I'm letting her go its like she throws a quick text to try reel me back in.

She will say things like thought you wouldn't give up so easy. Or your right, you gave me what I wanted, I'm just a selfish *****

How do I handle this?
How do I make her want me back?
Why do I want her back, and do I really want her back?
What is going on in her mind and life with me, her ex, and the house?
What does this make of her ex? I was even considering chatting with him about it, don't know him but I can get a hold of him (Just to find out for me).
Will they even end up working out if that's what is going on?

On top of all this she had a wedding a few weeks back to attend, we went to three of them when we were together. She texts me saying a wedding without you there... doesn't feel right, I didn't reply and three days later she responds with, so I guess that's it then?

When she texted me merry Xmas I responded the same a day later and she told me it made her have a **** day... yeah OK

I guess she is really just keeping me there, perhaps if I put my foot down and put her in place the **** will change.

Sorry guys but I'm a ****ing mess right now and need as many opinions views and advice as possible

She's playing you. She doesn't want to be with you, but she wants you to be on the sidelines waiting for her just in case things don't work out with her ex/boyfriend.

If it were me I'd change my phone number, I wouldn't read any of her texts, and I'd just forget her, let her go.

You're not going to get her back. She doesn't want you, she just wants you to want her.

Thanks for your reply, what if she was just using him to finish the house off?

She's not. She's using the house to have him. I've been going through a roller coaster relationship for five years. I've had men I like come in and out of my life, but it's always back to him. That's what she's doing. She wants a man to play with, because he isn't totally fulfilling her expectations. But she won't take you seriously. Get out now.

That's fkt up... so she won't be taking him seriously either then I guess?

An update...

Since we texted back and forth the other day after mentioning that things need to be discussed in person or at least on the phone... she has not replied.
She turned around instead saying why so suddenly, you never cared before... confuses me as to why you would now (Because she was the one always texting me and contacting me on our "break", that was her reason for saying this to me lol.)
I texted her saying you wanted your space and I have done nothing but give you what you wanted. Every other time that I have suggested a catch up or a phone call you ignore it. When you tell me you miss having me in your life over text, or that you miss our connection, or that you miss me... and I ask why is it the way it is then? You ignore me.

She turned around and texted back, your right... im a selfish .

I asked, so where are you at with the house then? She replies still not sure ljm, it does not happen overnight, I have to weigh up my options when it comes to that (Sell or stay in it, guess she must be seeing if it really is worth staying with the ex or not - sorting out her feelings?) Just a week before this she was texting me how she misses me and that life is hard, and how she should have never built the house, and how things aren't going well for her. (Between her and the ex again obviously?)

Obviously she is keeping me on string here as back up for the ex (as mentioned above) while she sorts her feelings out, all I can do is focus on me and move on, BE A MAN... she did make the decision after all. And maybe her feelings of loss with me will hit her.

A question though? Do you think she would be wanting to see how much I care, I mean if she really did want us to work she would make it work right? Not do this and go distant to see if I care?

I do feel if I cut her off eventually she will see why she really left her ex in the first place and went for me, and would realise what she really has left behind... or maybe that is just wishful thinking on my end.

Maybe I wasn't man enough to put my foot down earlier and was trying to be a little to understanding for her instead.
When she first did mention a break I said I don't do breaks, we are together or I am single, that did set her off.

As you can see this has been a massive headache for me and when I do pull away and start moving on she finds a away to let myself be reeled back in slowly... arrgghh


I was thinking of sending this text message to her:

Since you want to ignore it I will bring it up here then,
I don't like how has panned out between us and I don't like how it is now. Yes I have missed having you in my life and I didn't ever want it to come to this. But for you it seems like you may be working things out with your ex. If that's what you want to do the do it... I am not going to chase you around. If you want to work things out and take it slow, I'd be happy to do that. But I am not going to sit around anymore whben you know how much I have done and cared for you, and you know how much I have wanted us to work out. I have been patient enough and pretty good about your situation since we first got together. But now is the time where enough is enough and this stops. You and I are either going further together, or I look elsewhere for it?

What do you guys think?

Oh, and one more thing to add, that day we were texting last. I said, you think I don't give a f*** don't you. She said I really don't know.
I replied with Lol are you kidding me, she said No and I don't find it an Lol sort of situation. That's when I said well I do find it funny that after all this time you think I wouldn't give a f***

She replies with Well to be honest I thought you would have moved on by now at least with someone to have sex with knowing you, and that's being honest not being a . (Testing me here I think)

I dide end up sending a message on valentines day saying hope she hqad a good day, she replied the same back. Then on Facebook a few days later she seen that I was out drinking and texted I hope your safe xx and we had small talk in a few text messages since then for a few days...

You can send the message if you want to... But after that I would walk away. Like I said I've been on her end of this. I've hurt guys and I have regrets with it. But the regret isn't enough to make me leave my boyfriend. Sometimes we need someone to talk to and to feel wanted. An escape. But most likely nothing more. Or she may want an affair. But most likely nothing more. You don't want to be the other man. Trust me.

Thanks for the advice again, I see your point... but if this was the case then why would she drag this on for a year with me... especially what we have been through like going away on vacation, planing another trip. Family functions, weddings, birthdays, christmas and so on?

It all seemed so good and it wouldve been great if only it wasn't for the house she had
...

Thanks for the advice again, I see your point....but if this was the case then why would she drag this on for a year with me...especially what we have been through like going away on vacation, planing anohter trip. Family functions, weddings, birthdays, christmas and so on?

It all seemed so good and it wouldve been great if only it wasnt for the house she had
...

I highly doubt that this is only about a house. A house wouldn't keep me away from someone I really cared about.

You really need to accept that she just isn't interested. She wants you to be interested, she wants you to wait for her, but she's just a manipulative big B little itch that really doesn't give a damn about you.

Sorry for being blunt, but I really think you need to hear it so you can move on and find someone that really does care about you.

Don't you think you deserve that? If so, then stop wasting your time on this girl. She doesn't deserve it.

I guess your right... no, the more bluntness I get the better as I need to hear the truth. I guess I'm just trying to find the good in her... and as strange as it seems I keep trying to find ways to blame myself for her wanting a break, like I was not good enough...

She has you thinking it was you. She's gotten you so twisted up in this that you actually think it was your fault. She's the one playing games. She's the one manipulating you. It's her, not you. You should know, I'm female, so trust me, if it was you, I'd tell you.

I know this hurts. I've been hurt. We all have. It sucks to lose someone you still care about. But this girl, she doesn't deserve your love. She doesn't deserve you being hung up on her. She doesn't even deserve the ex. She's not worthy.

So don't waste your time on her. She doesn't deserve it. Get her out of your mind, out of your heart, off your phone, off your fb, out of your life Concentrate on yourself, and then, when you're ready, find someone that can love you as much as you love them.

She never will. She's a user. Don't let yourself be used.

You are good enough. You're good enough to find someone that's good enough for you. She isn't.

Thanks again... I'll get there, I already have started hooking up with other girls but she still is in the back of my mind.

I thought she was right for me with our family history and how we clicked so well...

All in good time I suppose

Alty is right. This thing is only playing mind games with you and you don't deserve that. The best thing you can do is stop all contact with her. Next time she contacts you, tell her that this has gone on long enough and you are moving on... then go with no contact from that point. Just walk away from it and save yourself the pain. I've been there, I speak from experience.

Ok, I have to be strong because deep down for an unknown reason I do want her back, and if she does crawl back I know I will crumble...

When you allow bad behavior, you get more of it. Disappear from her life, and ignore her efforts to contact you. Then you won't be drawn into her confusion, and BS!

You can do better if you want to. Just think of all the time and energy you have wasted on her already.

Thanks... today was hard as she hasn't texted in a while... I have been tempted to say I miss her thinking that she is just doing this to see how much I really do care for her.. Another part has tempted me to let out all my anger on her. Best I leave it and keep moving forward... I'll get there