I have been with my husband for 20 years. I am 37 years old. College educated. Five years ago my husband and I had a premature son. I became clinically depressed, something I had NEVER had an issue with before. I sought treatment, however it wasn't working. I took meds, I saw a counselor. Due to my condition, I haven't been able to get a job. My husband constantly yells at me to "get off my fat *** and get a job" often in front of our son. He tells me I am worthless, a biatch, lazy, on and on and on.
He mismanages our finances, and when he doesn't have enough money for the bills, he takes it out on me. I have NO idea what our finances are. He allows me no money. No access. I cannot speak to the bank because I am not "authorized" on our account.

I worked for 20 years making good money, contributing to our home and marriage, but now I have nothing, I don't even have a bank account anymore.

He will not let me go to the grocery store with his debit card. I am forced to stay at home and eat whatever frozen processed garbage he buys.
Recently I needed medication filled, the medication helps my depression and anxiety ( likely brought on by HIM) but refuses to allow me to go get it, or go get it for me because "he doesn't like how it makes me "uppity". Apparently when I'm not depressed and not hurting, I begin to stand up for myself. NOTHING I do is right. Being around him is like walking on eggshells.
I need to see my primary care doctor to discuss my conditiion, I must see him every three months, however my hsuband decided that the visits aren't doing any good, and are just "costing him money", so he wouldn't allow me money, or our car, do drive myself to my appointment this month. I am embarrassed constantly by missing appointments, and make up lies to try and cover. However when I don't see the doctor, I cannot get my medication refilled. I am not sure I can call my doctor and tell him my husband won't allow me any money or a car to come in, so can you please refill my prescriptions for me without seeing me....

He doesn't allow me to drive any of the cars anymore. If I want to go out, he asks WHY and then decides if he'll allow it or not. He considers driving to be "pleasure" because I have always liked to go for a drive to relax, it makes me feel better... And so now he won't allow me.

I have told him I need to get out and exercise and lose some weight and get my self esteem back before I can go out and get a job, but he says NO, that I'm just goofing off. Basically ANYTHING he deems pleasurable he won't allow me to do. He has my bicycles, which I used to LOVE to ride, hanging in the rafters where I cannot get to them and will not get them down for me. He tells me to get a job get a job get a job is all he says. I am so depressed that I often find myself not showering and wanting to stay in bed all day. It takes effort to even want to brush my teeth.

I was a well known, productive person in the community, now I am a shut in. People would not recognise me anymore. I have gained a LOT of weight, I think he wants it that way. I often don't leave the house for 5 or 6 months at a time. I used to LOVE the outdoors.

Even if I get the car, I have no money to get gas in it, or grocery shop, or do anything at all. He verbally abuses me, calling me fat, lazy, biatch, and tells me to "get over my depression". The other day I even had to "ask" if I could use the computer because I had used it the day before and it apparently got a "virus", so I was told I was worthless and the computer issue was my fault and not to use HIS computer. He treats me like a child. As a college educated woman who used to have a wonderful life, I don't know what to do anymore.
My parents didn't really believe how bad things were. Because I am so depressed now, and cannot function, and they too are of the "get over it" thought process... They are frustrated by the situation and my husband tells them "stories" to keeo them thinking I am a mess. My husband is allowing them to send our son to school, $7,000 tuition, and still complains about them. They have stopped calling me, I guess they have given up on me too... all of this started simply by my having a premature baby and becoming severely depressed, even with treatment. I am completely alone and have guilt over everything in my life. I have nothing. What can I do? I love my son so much and I can't do anything for him because I am barely here myself. The guilt on top of guilt on top of guilt from everyone in my life, on top of my depression, is more than I can bear.

I thinkyou should do what you want to. You are a big girl and don't have to have him control your whole life!! Ma'am stand up for yourself and trll him he can no longer control you!! I know you are a beautiful woman and you don't deserve to be pushed around like this!! If you want to go get some exercise, you go girl!! If you want to get your own job and your own bank account, go for it!! Depression only gets worse if you sit around and feel sorry for yourself cause trust me after my step mom died I have been down ever since, but you know what? My boyfriend doesn't tell me I can't go out! He doesn't tell me I can't do this or I can't do that and do you know why? Because I have hope! I have hope I can move on and he knows I won't put up with someone that controlling. You should do the same!! Show him who's boss! Don't let him tell you you're a bi*** or anything because your not!! Its him. He needs to grow up and treat you how you should be treated. Please do not keep letting him run your life or verbally abuse you. You don't deserve it! So put you woman pants on and take control!!

This did not happen over night, he is controlling and you need to put a stop to it, or get out.

GET OUT NOW! Go to a DOMESTIC ABUSE SHELTER. After awhile, you very well could believe his lies about you! You will become more and more dependent on him. If you don't have access to a car, call local law enforcement and they will see to it you get to a shelter. This is what I had to do do. The shelter can provide LEGAL AID, therapy, and most importantly, a way out, a way of independence. It will take a LONG time to heal. The abuser puts deep wounds, and the worst part is they beat us down sooo much we become weak. Pray for God to give you the stregnth you need and pick up your phone. Call a domestic violence shelter TODAY, they CAN and WILL help you, then run for your life because that is what is at stake. I know, I've been there five, maybe six times. The pattern repeats, but with good THERAPY, help is there. Medical help is there. HOPE is there. He is making your depression worse, and believe me, he knows what he's doing=he wants total control of you, he needs it. You, however, don't need it, it's killing you. He needs you to transfer all his inadequacies, frustrations, failures, guilt, and shame upon. He could never take the resposibility himself! He won't get help with you there, either. You both need a time-out. You especially! It's not your fault. It takes TWO to have a child. My last abusive husband had the bad habit of getting up at 2:00 AM and screaming at me. One morning I asked him="Why are you screaming at me?" He said "Because there is no one else around to scream at!"Take your child with you, this is a horrible experience for him as well. I had thought perhaps he was in college, but re-read your post. You have to get both of you out of there before it gets worse, and it WILL get worse. So, do it for your Son, as well as yourself! Of course he won't let you exrcise, get a job or anything else to improve your situation. He needs his verbal punching bag, and many men such as him are very jealous of successful women. They make him look bad and deflates there ego. Take your Son and go, now before it is really too late! You are no help to your Son if you are in this condition. There is a of good help out there. If he hasn't hit you yet, the odds are he shall soon. Yes, he's very abusive, dangerously so. Don't tell him what you are doing!