I have a problem, me and my husbands two year old daughter's grandma. While there are a million and half mother-in-law jokes and complaints this time its my own mother that I have some concerns about.

When I was a child I was abused. My mother had a tendency to viciously lose her temper and take it out on me, physically and mentally. One minute she would be fine, the next minute after some small upset she would become very, very dangerous. As I became a teenager the abuse retreated to only mental and verbal.

Now I am an adult and I have my own family. I am still traumatized from my childhood. I can't stand aggression around me. It makes me panic. Any time I am around my mom, no matter how pleasant she may be, I feel tense, like I'm on a knife's edge waiting for something to go wrong. I cannot be 100% comfortable there.

My mom is getting increasingly agitated that while we may spend nights at my in-laws, we never sleep there. While we visit them regularly, we visit her infrequently. And the big issue: my daughter. My mom wants to be able to get her for her own "nana" time. She wants us to let her watch our daughter. Since the other grandmother gets so much more time with our daughter, real jealously issues are boiling under the surface. Problem is: I don't trust her. I love her, she's my mom, but I cannot forget what's been done to me. The issue is building and I fear the explosion. I have not told my mother I don't trust her. I've skated by the last two years with excuse after excuse. I fear mom's reaction greatly to tell her I worry she'll hurt my baby. My mom is not a reasonable person. She uses manipulation. She has two modes: guilt and threaten.

What do I do? The obvious answer seems to be tell her how I feel, but with her rage problems that could cause devastating trouble. Especially since the land we live on is hers. We are not in the financial place to move right now and telling her that I don't trust you with my toddler could make us all homeless. Not to mention my mom has a weird way of remembering things differently then how they happened. She shapes her own memories to suit herself. She may not even believe she abused me. I've never spoken to her about any of it. I'm too scared of her. I don't know how much longer she'll take my excuses. Help!

You have spelled it out very clearly, with good understanding.
But I think you do have to face that fact that you only have 2 choices (other than continuing to stall) and you know what they are. My suggestion is to tell her the truth in a letter that you spend a whole week writing. You write well.
Tell her as politely but as firmly as possible that you will not let her be alone with your daughter.
At the end of the letter say that you will see her alone for coffee in town, in public, so she can't yell. Let her do all the talking, since you had your say in the letter. When done, say you need to go home.

You and your husband need to prepare for the possibility that she will hold her land ransom. But she knows that you can hold your child ransom too, especially if you move far away. It's a standoff. Somehow that may need to be subtly worked into your communication, but not in a threatening way.

I would go one step further. I would say start making plans to move. From what you say, this sounds like an inevitable outcome. You say that you are still afraid of her, and are still experiencing the trauma from childhood as an adult.

You realize you are still under her control now? It is history repeating itself.

You are completely right Cliff. Living there does put us in her control, and I know it. After a verbal incident when my daughter was two days old we did just move out and in with my in-laws, but that situation was not ideal either and finding a place that was in the right location that would tolerate our plethora of pets proved impossible at the time and back into the lions den we went.
We've just been praying that things don't hit the fan before we can find another affordable place to live. Apartment life is not an option for us. We would actually like to move to Alaska once my husband gets certified in teaching, so we do not wish to purchase any property when we won't live on it for more then a year and pet friendly rents aren't easy. We are in a pretty tough corner.

No, you move on your own, so it is a dump, you find a place. And sorry maybe pets have to be with other family members, where is your priority, sorry but you are talking safety and safety of your child, then you start making excused.

For those of you who may need clarifying...
My mother does own the property we live on. Not on the property. She has not been on the property in at least 3 years. The home is safe for my family. The only concern is in being forced to move.

That being said..

You have no reason to be rude or even remotely suggest my priority isn't my child chuck. That is completely uncalled for. My daughter is safe. There is no reason to get rid of or endager my pets before finding a place for all of us. None. If it came to it, yes they would have to stay with friends and family. That time hasn't come yet. The last time my dogs stayed with family one was poisoned to death so pardon our reluctance to send them away before we have to, which may be never. If you cannot offer any advice on speaking with my mother without being incredibly offensive, please do not resond again.

I am sorry to hear that. I know all too well how hard it is to move on with your life when it feels like you are always stuck in the same cycle with people in your past. It is an awful feeling. Joy's idea of meeting in a neutral place is a good one, but, going only on what you have said, I would feel like I needed to have the "what if" scenario ready to go.

I am not sure why my last post went twice. I apologize if it causes any confusement. Thank you for your advice cliff. We wouldn't be completely helpless if the "what if" came. We could always move back in with the in-laws for a time. Not ideal but not on the street either and the pets would have to stay with others. (father-in-law hates cats and his dog is anti-social) This is the last case scenario though. As I have stated I would prefer to keep the family together including the furry part.
Thank you for your understanding. It is well appreciated.

The only priority here is the safety of your daughter.

It is not at all uncommon for an abused adult, to re-live moments of trauma from their childhood, and naturally presume that their own child is at risk.

My advice to you is to stop protecting your mother. She is an adult, and needs to know that you do not trust her alone with your child. Perfectly reasonable for you to do.

Stop expecting anything from your mother that can be used as a hammer- i.e. the land you live on, to be used to manipulate you into allowing your daughter to be under her care and control.

As others have said, start preparing and saving to move.

No compromises on your daughter's safety.