Ok, here's the thing. I met this girl via friend online on a bondage website, my friend is a Dom (bondage master) and she is one of his slaves. So set up a meeting, and we hit it off instantly, we were both sexually attracted to each other, and we ended up setting a "**** date" in the next weeks ahead. But before that could happen, a scandal broke, her EX boyfriend posted their sex video online upon learning that she was into bondage, this caused her problems in the following weeks, and her job was on the line because of this. During this time, the bondage master was out of reach, (does not want to get involve with it, even though he was the one who initiated that she broke of with her ex and try the bondage lifestyle) and for an entire month I was there on her darkest hour, I saw beyond the kinky, fetish girl I want to **** with, and found an abused, hurt woman, with real problems, issues, and baggage. She uses she once told me that it's easy for her to give her body to any man than to fall for her.

We chatted everyday, meet once or twice a week, and even if we were in a "**** buddy status" she acted as if we were a real couple, she was sweet and always caring. The storm blew off. And when things where in the clear, the bondage master suddenly had an event and she went with him, "They had sex that very night" it tore me apart. So the next they we met, and after weeks of putting it off, We had sex, 2 men in 2 days "she muttered". After that our "relationship" continues, we still chatted, sent messages etc. We went on coffee dates, and had another sex event, there I planned for the big night.we would spend a whole night together in a fancy hotel. She agreed and even made the necessary arrangements. On that I got drunk, and really feeling jealous deep inside that she is still in contact with the bondage master tried to "tie her up" it went bad, and I ended up hurting her, and I said some things, which scared her (I love you, you make me a better man). Morning came she broke it off, she was so calm, said some wonderful and heart warming things about what we had, and like a scene in an the movies, we parted with a kiss.

Few days after, I sent her an email begging her back. No reply, 2 days after I texted the bondage master, just to ask some help on getting her back, he acted like an ******* and started dominating the conversation, I told him that I would not fall with his cheap tricks, that I am not one of his slaves, and that he is full of crap. Things went bad after that, he sent some BS via text, I sent some also. Then the bomb, he informed me that he, his GF and my girl ( the one who dumped me) had a 3sum just hours after we broke up, and that the story I was trying to sell him, about me being the good guy in the so called relation ship, does not matter to her, that she chose him over me. Another bomb, he forwarded my messages to the girl, and when she replied, he forwarded it to me, she called me pathetic, and weak.. I was destroyed, I tried calling her, but she won't answer, so I texted her, but instead of saying what I truly felt, I kind of sugar coated it, and acted out of love, taking the "high road"

Doing this just ate me up in the weeks that passed, I felt cheated, and humiliated by the both of them, I tired to move on, watch a dozen " how to get over" movies on YouTube, read articles about being dumped and surviving, tried dating other women, vented to all my friends about this issue until they were all to tired to hear about it. Drank myself to death, everything.

Then just days ago, I had a bad day at work, I was in a weak state, needed some kind of encouragement or something, That I called her, the phone was ringing the got cut off, called her again, it got cut off again, then she texted me, told me to move on. Walk the Talk ( what ever that means), I texted back begged her to just give me 8 minutes and then I won't ever bother again, I just wanted to get something off my cheat, called her again, got rejected, this happened a few times, I was so frustrated that I texted her if she was guilty or afraid of something, she texted back saying watch my language, and I don't want to talk to you because your drunk as a skunk. I texted her in bold letters saying "I AM SOBER" she answered back saying " there is nothing more to discuss, I don't owe you anything, everything I had to said was said " so feeling rejected again, I started bombarding her with text messages this time, venting all what I felt inside, that I felt cheated, used, humiliated, that she nor just broke my heart, but destroyed myself esteem, and crushed my spirit,and that did not do anything against her, that would merit such pain, yes, to her this was just a "**** buddy" status but for me it went beyond that, and that I am ready to let her go. And forgave her for what she did.

She didn't send a single reply, and I felt no closure. 3 days have gone by, a total of 47 days all in all after the dumping, it should be over now right? The pain should be less right? For a 3 month fling, I should be basking
In the sunlight right?

But I am not, I feel ugly, depressed, a loser, and no I don't have money for pyscho therapy, I want to move on, but I am stuck, there is this event that the bondage site is promoting coming summer, I want to come, even though I am banned, just to see her, and maybe talk to her, even though I know, this would make me look like a fool.. Please help me guys, I don't know what to do? What's wrong with her? What's wrong with me.. Oww and on top of this, I am married by the way.. So yeah my life sucks at the moment.. Please help

First, you need to stop. Delete her number. Forget her name. Quit getting on the website. You are banned anyway, its clearly for a reason.

Second, you have a wife at home. Go home. Tell her the truth and ask for forgiveness. Be the husband that she deserves.

Lastly, this other girl is right. She doesn't owe you anything. You were never with her. She was never in a relationship with you as defined by modern society.

Go home. Work on your marriage. If you believe in god seek his counsel. Seek wisdom and understanding.

Go to the doctor and look into some anti depressents too.

You may be feeling like that because you wanted to get her but she slipped away, that's why this frustration. If you are into S&M as I understood from your message, it was important to you to get exactly what you wanted as the dominant person and exactly because you are the dominant one, you feel so bad when you didn't get it. I understand that it is very hard not to think about someone you really like but try to be reasonable: first - she doesn't want you, second - even if she did, would you life be a lot better? It's very unlikely because you are married. Would you carry on cheating on your wife? Would that make you feel great? So you should consider yourself lucky that your relationship with that girl finished pretty quickly. It is painful of course, but it's like a plaster - rip it off quickly rather than bit by bit which hurts more.

What is up with your marriage that you are carrying on with a virtual stranger?
I am not understanding why you thought you would have a relationship with this girl. You got what you went in to this for.
Does your wife know you do this?
Thank your lucky stars that it ended quickly and either work on your marriage or get out of it.

@Homegirl 50. You could considered my marriage as a passionless one, but from where I came from, divorce is not an option, No my wife does not know about it, thank god. Though yeah I did fell for someone else, I still greatly respect my wife. And would not want to her her fully. That's why I suffer in silence.

@Catie V , No my dear I am not into S&M, she is. She has an astounding personality but a troubled past, When I saw her defenseless, near her breaking point during the time her sex scandal was posted online by her EX, I didn't saw, the bondage girl which I wanted to Fu#k, but a poor sensitive single mom, who needs to be love and cared for, what puzzles me is, during our time together, we "acted" as if we did have a relationship, it was not like a normal "booty call" thing. We dated, chat, shared sweet nothings, the sex took the back seat, then when It was all over, she treated it like it was just some kind of one night thing. Plus she ridiculed me, she said one thing to me, and another thing to her bondage master. That's why it hurts so much.. It was not just a booty call, there were indications of love. And she kept hinting she wanted to be "exclusive" but why not to me? Because I am married? I don't get it. Is there something wrong with her?

Why don't you take the same energy you took with this girl and try to bring some passion into your marriage.
The setting you met this girl in should tell you something about her, who she is. I still don't know why you are so surprised at her behavior.

I do apologise but I assumed you were into S&M because you met her through that specific website. Well, people do a lot of things that others don't understand and can't understand, really. Yes, maybe she felt something for you initially but then that feeling just went, or maybe she was uncomfortable with you being married, she knew that nothing good would come up from it since you say divorce is not an option. Anyway, even if it doesn't feel like it's a good thing that you two are done, it is, believe it or not. And I completely agree with Homegirl 50 - try to improve your relationships with your wife. If you ever loved her enough to marry her, you can try to revive those feelings. All the best to you!

If you are not in to S&M why were you surfing the website and then hook up with this girl from there? You had some interest/curiosity in it.
Take some of that energy and curiosity and work on your marriage, bring some passion back. But stop lying to your spouse.
As bad as you feel think how bad she would feel if she were to find out what you are doing to her and your kids.

Your buddy is a bondage master, and you meet a bondage girl through your buddy the bondage master, and fall in love, but she doesn't. And you are married but the marriage have no passion.

Face it guy, you are a lousy partner. Instead of solving your problems at home, you run around with people of perverted reputations, and your life is a mess.

GO HOME, and get your own house in order and stop trying to make a perverted female a loyal loving trusting partner. That's what you should be doing with the female you married.

Now go home, and get your act together and make home a happy place, or leave and wallow with the filth.
Any one who does what you do has a sad, messy, miserable life.

where i came from, divorce is not an option,

Divorce is not an option, but adultry is okay? That's sort of twisted isn't it?