kakadu
Jan 31, 2012, 02:59 PM
Several years ago, my boyfriend had a fiancé who dumped him with his best friend. He was suffering so much that on weekends and parties he would get so drunk he couldn't talk and just fall down or fall asleep. A year passed, he tried to get her back but did not and he decided to forget her. He had some flings but did not have any relationship before me.
Then I came to the choir he was singing in. We very soon discovered that our world views, interests, physical attraction, attitudes toward everything were identical. We started living together quite soon (after half a year) and it was the happiest period of my life (I am twenty six).
Every day he repeated how joyful he was this ex story actually ended because he could meet me. He did speak about her in the beginning only. Later on, he said he did not feel any pain or any joy toward her. No emotion toward her, absolutely none, he said. When she got into a car crash, he said "I hope she survives but I don't care about the rest." I sometimes had dreams about her, and he said she is not worth even being discussed about, let alone my night dreams (nightmares rather).
Many times he said he never ever had a more successful relationship than the one with me. He said he never ever had a soul mate like me, and he never imagined that he could actually feel the way he was feeling with me.
We knew every second of our lives that we will be together all the time. We planned kids and everything else.
We did have conflicts because we are both quite stubborn. And pretty neurotic, if I may say so. Sometimes I would get so nervous that I would say what if our characters are incompatible and we won't make it. But every day he said that we will go through everything together; I was the best gift life and God and destiny has ever given him and he will never ever let me go.
And then we had the first real difficulty. He was fired from his job and started looking for a new one. I was very very stressed and pessimistic because despite the fact that he is super smart, he also never finished university. And there is economic crisis still, too. People hardly find jobs but he was very confident. I asked him many times to forgive me that I am not handling the situation very well. He said, my love, the very fact you are with me is the best support I could ever imagine. He said, I would rather die than live without you anyway and we will go through everything. This let me somehow continue to be like I felt I was. He said he was fine and everything because he loved me more than life. And he never had a notion of ideal woman in his mind but I was more than anything he ever dreamed about.
But he stopped telling me about his job search. And once I did something terrible. I sneaked into his email box. He found out about it. He called me liar, called it an EPIC FAIL; called me traitor etc etc. Esp. The fact that I didn't admit at first that I read his email.
In the evening we met and he explained he was breaking up with me. The emotional climate hasn't been so good he said, he counted all the bad things and good things we had, and even though he loved me more than anyone in the world, he is not determined for anything anymore. He doesn't want to be with me anymore. Our characteristic traits don't match. He has been thinking about it for some time (even though one day before the break-up he said this ideal woman phrase). Even though in November we were on the choir trip in South Korea and we CRIED of happiness being with each other and saying there is no one more compatible for us. Ever.
I begged him to come back; wrote a very very nice and sincere letter apologizing for everything. He just said he was shaken but did not doubt his decision for a second.
Then I stopped contacting him and we haven't talked for two weeks.
This weekend their was a choir camp. He did not even look at me. He was (or seemed) super super happy and drank a lot. So much that people needed to carry him home one night. But he seemed very very happy and told everyone how she is strong for choosing not to quit the choir.
I cannot explain how I feel. He was the love of my life. I cannot understand that he is gone. I know I cannot force him to want me but I never ever wanted anything more. I feel so much guilty for what I have done. I haven't been able to find any strength for one month. I am going to psychologist but just keep crying and naming my mistakes there.
I cannot believe there is a chance I could have been a rebound relationship victim. He took me to his parents every single week (while she only saw them once). He said he was never so sure of what he wanted from life, like with me. I am so shocked. He is the love of my life. And he told me I was his.
How can I get him back?
Then I came to the choir he was singing in. We very soon discovered that our world views, interests, physical attraction, attitudes toward everything were identical. We started living together quite soon (after half a year) and it was the happiest period of my life (I am twenty six).
Every day he repeated how joyful he was this ex story actually ended because he could meet me. He did speak about her in the beginning only. Later on, he said he did not feel any pain or any joy toward her. No emotion toward her, absolutely none, he said. When she got into a car crash, he said "I hope she survives but I don't care about the rest." I sometimes had dreams about her, and he said she is not worth even being discussed about, let alone my night dreams (nightmares rather).
Many times he said he never ever had a more successful relationship than the one with me. He said he never ever had a soul mate like me, and he never imagined that he could actually feel the way he was feeling with me.
We knew every second of our lives that we will be together all the time. We planned kids and everything else.
We did have conflicts because we are both quite stubborn. And pretty neurotic, if I may say so. Sometimes I would get so nervous that I would say what if our characters are incompatible and we won't make it. But every day he said that we will go through everything together; I was the best gift life and God and destiny has ever given him and he will never ever let me go.
And then we had the first real difficulty. He was fired from his job and started looking for a new one. I was very very stressed and pessimistic because despite the fact that he is super smart, he also never finished university. And there is economic crisis still, too. People hardly find jobs but he was very confident. I asked him many times to forgive me that I am not handling the situation very well. He said, my love, the very fact you are with me is the best support I could ever imagine. He said, I would rather die than live without you anyway and we will go through everything. This let me somehow continue to be like I felt I was. He said he was fine and everything because he loved me more than life. And he never had a notion of ideal woman in his mind but I was more than anything he ever dreamed about.
But he stopped telling me about his job search. And once I did something terrible. I sneaked into his email box. He found out about it. He called me liar, called it an EPIC FAIL; called me traitor etc etc. Esp. The fact that I didn't admit at first that I read his email.
In the evening we met and he explained he was breaking up with me. The emotional climate hasn't been so good he said, he counted all the bad things and good things we had, and even though he loved me more than anyone in the world, he is not determined for anything anymore. He doesn't want to be with me anymore. Our characteristic traits don't match. He has been thinking about it for some time (even though one day before the break-up he said this ideal woman phrase). Even though in November we were on the choir trip in South Korea and we CRIED of happiness being with each other and saying there is no one more compatible for us. Ever.
I begged him to come back; wrote a very very nice and sincere letter apologizing for everything. He just said he was shaken but did not doubt his decision for a second.
Then I stopped contacting him and we haven't talked for two weeks.
This weekend their was a choir camp. He did not even look at me. He was (or seemed) super super happy and drank a lot. So much that people needed to carry him home one night. But he seemed very very happy and told everyone how she is strong for choosing not to quit the choir.
I cannot explain how I feel. He was the love of my life. I cannot understand that he is gone. I know I cannot force him to want me but I never ever wanted anything more. I feel so much guilty for what I have done. I haven't been able to find any strength for one month. I am going to psychologist but just keep crying and naming my mistakes there.
I cannot believe there is a chance I could have been a rebound relationship victim. He took me to his parents every single week (while she only saw them once). He said he was never so sure of what he wanted from life, like with me. I am so shocked. He is the love of my life. And he told me I was his.
How can I get him back?