Regal05216
Jan 31, 2012, 12:00 PM
It's been at least 3 months since our 2nd break up and 7 months since the first. The first time we broke up was due to the inability of being able to see each other and difficulty of communicating (we just graduated high school). We tried our best but in the end, summer had taken it's toll, and we both decided to end the relationship due to stress over the both us with family, school things of that sort (later on I realize she has difficulty on deciding on what she wants in just about everything in life, so that was a factor, another was that she has been other relationships before we met and all them were very short lived, longest for her was 2 months,and the guys were always jerks, so long term commitment was foreign to her) We both realized that due to the stress neither of us could make each other happy if we weren't happy with ourselves. We ended on a good note. A week later she moved.
For a month I never saw, heard or knew anything from her. Then she finally contacts me and we start talking like were best friends again. I could tell she still had emotions for me and likewise on my end. We decided to go out again in Oct. While I was happy with her, I felt like my love wasn't what it used to be. The best way I've been to describe it is like in the horror movies, with the walls having peoples faces stretching the walls to a point. I felt that my love was there but dormant and to a point. 4 weeks into it, and we have a conversation and I learn the feeling that I had, she was having as well. We decided to end it again. And next day we go trick n treating. We still keep talking to each other afterward. Almost everyday. I must add that to see her, is very difficult due to her work and her mother, she's 18 and what not but she still lives with mother which is also very strict.
The few times we did see each other we always ended up making out. We both knew it was crazy, unhealthy but we kept talking to each other. And after awhile she started calling me babe and baby at least a couple times we talked. I should have wrote this in the beginning but when we first started to get know each other was purely to become friends which ended up as something else later, but for the longest time we were back and forth on what we were due to some stupid choices I made. As a joke we laughed that in theory we were together for a year and 4 months. We were officially together for 8months. But me and her went through thick and thin together. So when we kept making out every time we kept seeing each other, we felt like we were back to square one. Never knowing what we are to each other. I always knew what had to be done, I knew it was wise to cut off communication with other to get over each other. But I was too selfish and afraid to do it. New years hits, and her big no no is for me to over due drinking due to my family past of alcoholism and me going through an entire month after we broke up the first time of just pure drinking to cope with my emotions (which I knew and know it was stupid but I wanted to take the easy way out of the pain). I got drunk off my a#$ and decided to go see her at her house. I started demanding how she truly felt about me before I left for national guard(I guess my drunk self thought I was heading to Vietnam or something). And that was the last straw for her. She told me that very morning after I woke up that until I seem healthy to her, until we no longer have the thing where we don't know what we are, until we can just be friends, she wanted her space and to not speak to each other. Which hurt because it sucks to pretty much be told by someone you care dearly to pretty much go f#%k off,leave her alone and that I hurt her enough to the point of tears. We always joked, that maybe if we ended violently and angry it would be easier for the both of us, I guess we got our wish, I really wish we didn't. I understand what I did was beyond wrong and I learned a big lesson from it.
We stopped talking for a bit but after two weeks we talked for a bit. But we barely talk now and days. Which I know it's really just barely been a month since new years but it seems longer then that for some reason to me. I finally did see her again since we decided to go to the fair. For the most part she kept switching back and forth to being angry with me, almost trying to prove she no longer needs me in her life, to her being nice and doing really small things she did when we were together.
That was about a week ago. And part of me is fine. I think realistically about everything. Yet there's always a feeling of missing her and love for her, pretty much the part that hasn't moved on. And while I understand everything, my emotions and thoughts are doing there own thing. I have had other relationships before me and her first started but I never really loved any of them other then my first girlfriend which I later learned what puppy love since I was just 14 with her so I was young. But I can honestly say this girl that I can't get over for some strange reason, was my first love. I don't know what to really do. I know time is my answer but it's difficult and I can't stand it. I work, I'm in school, I'm soon to start doing everything for national guard to leave for training yet barely any of it can distract me from it.
I just would like to hear what others think about this and possibly what I should do. Every since new years, I have had not one drop of alcohol.
For a month I never saw, heard or knew anything from her. Then she finally contacts me and we start talking like were best friends again. I could tell she still had emotions for me and likewise on my end. We decided to go out again in Oct. While I was happy with her, I felt like my love wasn't what it used to be. The best way I've been to describe it is like in the horror movies, with the walls having peoples faces stretching the walls to a point. I felt that my love was there but dormant and to a point. 4 weeks into it, and we have a conversation and I learn the feeling that I had, she was having as well. We decided to end it again. And next day we go trick n treating. We still keep talking to each other afterward. Almost everyday. I must add that to see her, is very difficult due to her work and her mother, she's 18 and what not but she still lives with mother which is also very strict.
The few times we did see each other we always ended up making out. We both knew it was crazy, unhealthy but we kept talking to each other. And after awhile she started calling me babe and baby at least a couple times we talked. I should have wrote this in the beginning but when we first started to get know each other was purely to become friends which ended up as something else later, but for the longest time we were back and forth on what we were due to some stupid choices I made. As a joke we laughed that in theory we were together for a year and 4 months. We were officially together for 8months. But me and her went through thick and thin together. So when we kept making out every time we kept seeing each other, we felt like we were back to square one. Never knowing what we are to each other. I always knew what had to be done, I knew it was wise to cut off communication with other to get over each other. But I was too selfish and afraid to do it. New years hits, and her big no no is for me to over due drinking due to my family past of alcoholism and me going through an entire month after we broke up the first time of just pure drinking to cope with my emotions (which I knew and know it was stupid but I wanted to take the easy way out of the pain). I got drunk off my a#$ and decided to go see her at her house. I started demanding how she truly felt about me before I left for national guard(I guess my drunk self thought I was heading to Vietnam or something). And that was the last straw for her. She told me that very morning after I woke up that until I seem healthy to her, until we no longer have the thing where we don't know what we are, until we can just be friends, she wanted her space and to not speak to each other. Which hurt because it sucks to pretty much be told by someone you care dearly to pretty much go f#%k off,leave her alone and that I hurt her enough to the point of tears. We always joked, that maybe if we ended violently and angry it would be easier for the both of us, I guess we got our wish, I really wish we didn't. I understand what I did was beyond wrong and I learned a big lesson from it.
We stopped talking for a bit but after two weeks we talked for a bit. But we barely talk now and days. Which I know it's really just barely been a month since new years but it seems longer then that for some reason to me. I finally did see her again since we decided to go to the fair. For the most part she kept switching back and forth to being angry with me, almost trying to prove she no longer needs me in her life, to her being nice and doing really small things she did when we were together.
That was about a week ago. And part of me is fine. I think realistically about everything. Yet there's always a feeling of missing her and love for her, pretty much the part that hasn't moved on. And while I understand everything, my emotions and thoughts are doing there own thing. I have had other relationships before me and her first started but I never really loved any of them other then my first girlfriend which I later learned what puppy love since I was just 14 with her so I was young. But I can honestly say this girl that I can't get over for some strange reason, was my first love. I don't know what to really do. I know time is my answer but it's difficult and I can't stand it. I work, I'm in school, I'm soon to start doing everything for national guard to leave for training yet barely any of it can distract me from it.
I just would like to hear what others think about this and possibly what I should do. Every since new years, I have had not one drop of alcohol.