I had an 8 year relationship with someone I believed was my soul mate. He never paid for dinner, never bought me flowers or special gifts. He has a fishing boat (just a basic tinnie) - I asked him one day if we could take it out to go fishing. His reply was that if I paid for half the fuel. Naturally, we did not go fishing. I provided food and very special dinners at my house for 8 years. He loved my cooking but never contributed a bottle of wine for dinner, ever. If we went to the movies, he never paid for me. The times we had dinner "out" were through my membership of clubs with "buy one get one free" deals.

We used to go to a place he had down the coast, I provided all of the food and worked physically hard on his property. He told me in November "someone had come back into his life", the wife who divorced him 30 years ago.

His ex and her husband rented a house owned by my ex. His ex wife's marriage broke up. He didn't tell me. Now they are back together again because he says "they missed out on so much of our 2 daughter's growing up and now they have grandchildren they will recapture that stuff they missed out on".

I see it as him now able to sell the property his ex and her husband lived in. He will have more money. He now has his ex living with him. God, I feel used and abused emotionally and financially. Any advice.

Half his fault for being a boob, half yours for allowing it. Given how long you were with him, it will probably have many resentments and a lot of anger. I would (but I doubt I would have lasted through this for 8 years), so you have an awful lot of healing to do.

Start with being good to yourself, and forgive yourself for following the boobs program. I think you deserve immediate forgiveness from yourself. You really were to good for him. Now you are free from him at last, so hurry a celebrate.

Good people should never be ashamed at all for being good.

Yes, I am sorry for you, BUT. During the first six months I would really feel sorry, for a year I would say you were hoping he would change. But sorry from year 1 to year 8 you were getting what you knew you would, You obviously say he was not going to change, not going to marry you, so you were a fun cheap sleep over, I think we call it a booty call.